Frankly, I got into a bit of a tiff with my husband last night.
We're attending RCIA (or will be as soon as it starts in a week or so), this is our 4th attempt, but he really only goes because I do. And I'm willing to view that positively as a start. He isn't actively against my efforts, so that's better than many spouses face.
But, I kind of blew my top a little. He was waxing poetic about his "glory days" of being a teenager and young twenty-something plus his "experimenting" with drugs/alcohol. He told me I don't understand because I don't know what it's like to be young.
I'll qualify that statement by saying that I met my husband when I was in my late teens and he was in his late 20's. Our oldest son was unexpected, and was the driving force behind my efforts to shape us up and into a family. There were many years I had to be the adult for both of us.
He's changed a lot over the years, and now has a highly respected position and generally acts like a sane family man.
But, I get worried when I hear him lovingly and longingly looking back at a past that, really, by all accounts, he should be ashamed of rather than proud of...
I said he needs to be genuinely sorry for what he's done and left undone and what he's heaped on others (including the kids and me) as a result. If he's not genuinely sorry, then he won't be able to guide the kids when they come to the point in life where they will have to fight off "experimentation", self-indulgence and indolence.
He said "well, kids are going to experiment" (meaning drugs and sex)... And I flipped. I told him he was wrong-headed, and of no use to anyone with that kind of attitude. I have no intention of locking my children down and blinding them from reality, but I sure as hell don't have a "laid back attitude" where "kids will be kids" = "kids will fall into drug abuse and unhealthy sexual behavior"...
He already insists on exposing our 7 year old to R rated movies and mature games with a thick soup of gratuitous violence. Any attempt to say NO gets jeers from him and from the son he's trying to interest in the material.
He really doesn't see drug abuse, alcohol abuse, or promiscuity as an issue. His parents allowed him to, in essence, do whatever his selfish heart desired, and were guilty of the same (definitely the drugs).
I'm incredibly frustrated. Because he's told me that he doesn't have to feel bad about the past.
Not only that, his "mistakes" all the way up to the age of 29, he excuses as "I was young"... whereas, while I was 10 years his junior, I was never "young" and therefore, can't be given the sort of leeway he gives himself. :mad:
When we tried to go through marriage prep at our last church, he tried to pass of his prior failed marriage and additional illegitimate children as "I was young" because he was 19 or 20 at the time.
The priest said, rather flatly, that he was NOT young.
I'm in agreement. 19-20 may be a YOUNG ADULT, but it's still an ADULT. I've had to take responsibility for my own actions during that time frame and have been severely punished by life for my "youthful indescretion"... because I was and am an ADULT.
Saying you were young or immature isn't a get-out-of-jail-free-card to me.
But then, according to my husband, I was never "young".... :rolleyes: