Trying to learn the Catholic way of sex


For those that don’t know, I’m a Protestant learning about Catholicism and I must say I’m learning so much and cannot wait for my conversion. Its something about Catholicism that seems so true and it intrigues my soul and mind and I feel so at home.

I know this subject has been discussed a million times but I just need someone to confirm this for me.

But it seems like I’m going on and on lol so let me get to the point. I’m single and have been for practically and I have not been in any relationships at all my whole life. I have had beautiful women walk up to me and give me hints that they are interested but I dismiss their interest and move on.

I’m the kind of guy that looks for a women that wants to be with me for the rest of my life. Not a 3 month, 2 year, 4 year relationship of nothing but sinful acts in front of the Father.

I have had a troublesome time with pornography considering my raging hormones and my interest in women and my distorted view about the human body, period. But this book “Nudity & Christianity” by Jim C. Cunningham has changed my view and has developed a sour taste for me about porn in general. And had really has changed my view about the human body. I’m also reading Love & Responsibility by the late Pope John Paul II and I also picked up “Theology of the Body”. I’m so anxious to read those!

Now that my deliverance is progressing and my view with woman is changing, I’m still kind of confused about sex in general.

I have read some threads over the forums lately and I think I am getting a good understanding of sex after researching.

The Church teaches that sex is both procreative and unitive in the martial act.

Procreative meaning being open to new life.

Unitive meaning sex is meant to draw you closer to your partner and to stay with them.

I also know about NFP. It is used to help have a good understanding of your wife and to help space or plan out children.

But what I cannot get out of head is the sex that the media promotes. I think that’s called recreational sex meaning sex just to have fun but no real meaning whatsoever. I’m hooked on the view that sex pleases the women and you have to do it regularly in order for her to stay with you and to keep her wanting it more.

I know it sounds crazy but that’s the way I have been viewing sex and haven’t really learned any other view until now.

Condoms and birth control are forbidden because it defeats the whole purpose of the procreative and unitive and turns it into a selfish gratification way which is sick and twisted.

I think I’m on the right track so to sum up my question.

If and when you have kids and your practically done. Can you still have sex? But I have to be open to life and I have to end the act with me ejaculating in her.

Is this all correct?

Thanks in advance and God bless!



Hi Bruce!
I am glad you are going to read John Paul II’s Theology of the Body. It’s a beautiful work.There are also a lot of other books that explain his Theology of the Body, so if things are not clear to you while reading it, pick up those ‘study guides’ to help you.

It takes time for our view on sex to change, especially considering our culture today. I think you are taking all the right steps intellectually to understand how Catholics view sex, marriage and love. Another book which is excellent is Christopher West’s *Good News About Sex and Marriage: Answers to Your Honest Questions About Catholic Teaching *. It isn’t just for married couples- there is a lot in there for single men and women too.

Intellectual pursuit of the Truth regarding God’s plan for relationships and marriage aside, the other avenue (which I am sure you are taking) is opening up a dialogue with God and praying about it. Ask Him to enlighten and help you regarding your cultural perspective on sex. He can enlighten you better, faster and more peacefully than any teaching could. Your heart is obviously open and willing. That will please Him so much and enable Him to teach you what His particular plan and desires for you are. Keep talking with Him and He will guide you aright. Good luck to you and God bless!


Hi Bruce

Yes, that’s pretty much it. I’d say from what you wrote that you’re developing a very healthy understanding of sexuality from the catholic perspective.

I’d just like to comment on one aspect of what you wrote…

If you’re looking for a woman who wants to be with you for the rest of your life, you’re really setting a high degree of pressure from the start. When you meet a woman, you can’t possibly know that you want to be with her forever, and she can’t possibly know that either. Only by spending time with a woman, through friendship and/or dating, can you discern such things. There’s nothing wrong with dating as a way to get to know someone better and seeing where it goes; if it’s not moving towards marriage, then end it, but dating is the only real way to discern if it could lead to marriage.

Often as a man it’s important to get some experience with dating so that we can learn from our mistakes and learn how to interact with and treat women appropriately. There were many mistakes I made in dating that I was able to learn from before I met my wife.



Thank you sir! That’s exactly what I needed to hear. I very few female friends but currently building up my surroundings.

@wild thing

Thanks! I actually ordered that book from Amazon last night and should get it tomorrow.

Like said earlier the more I dig deeper into the Truth it’s like I can’t turn back at all. I look at my past upbringing and look at my current walk and cannot believe what God is doing in my life. I hope He blesses me abundantly.

Thanks again to the members that posted in this thread. Thank you! Very encouraging words to me. It means a lot!



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