Trying to return, but can I?

I’m 26 and have been married to my wife for about 4 years. I love her very much but for the last two years I have not been entirely faithful to her. I’ve been engaging in adult internet activity with other people (which I have managed not to go back to for a couple of months now).

Both of us are lapsed but I don’t think that there is anyway for me to return even though at the moment I would like to give it a go.

My first problem is that if I go to confession the priest will tellme that as penance I have to tell my wife about my internet indiscretions. There is absolutely no way that I can do this. Telling her won’t make anything better and may possilbe ruinn my marriage.

My second problem (assuming that I can overcome my first hurdle some how) is that I don’t think tthat my wife would be the slightest bit interested in returning.

Please don’t judge me!


Have I got news for you! The confessor CAN’T force you to tell your wife because he cannot force you to break the seal of Confession. But even if such action did not break the seal, it would be highly inappropriate. Often an individual will want to come clean to ‘clear the air.’ But in reality, he just wants to make himself feel better. He is certainly not thinking of the pain this would cause his spouse. So your first worry is canceled–and so is your second.

You can return even if your wife is not ready at this time. It is quite possible that she could be impressed by the change that coming back to the Church has made in you. If you were not married in the Catholic Church, you will have to see your priest about correcting this. Put it in the Lord’s hands and stop worrying. You are in our prayers.

Fr. Vincent Serpa, O.P.

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