[quote=Madaglan]I was wondering if you could perhaps help me. Recently I was deeply hurt when someone I thought liked me told me that she did not have the same feelings for me, even though she has happily agreed to still be one of my friends.
I just don’t understand why she doesn’t have any feelings for me.
That is not what she said. She said she didn’t have romantic feelings for you. there is a difference between having romantic feelins, and having feelings; if hse is willing to be your firend, she has some feelings _ firendship, compassion, amusement, joy to name a few possiblities.
[quote=Madaglan]I don’t mean to sound vain, but I’m far from hideous looking. I’m also polite and fairly mature for my age (23). I have a sense of humor, am tall and consider myself to be orthodox in my faith.
None of which really has a lot to do with having romantic feelings.
[quote=Madaglan]So, I’m just wondering why she seems not to like me at all.
Again, that is not what she said. you are overreacting, because you had romantic feelings for her, and she didn’t for you. That alwys hurts; some people are more hurt by it than others.
[quote=Madaglan] Maybe I moved too quickly in acting. I knew her for maybe three months at the time. I really thought that she liked me, and since I liked her too, I was somewhat concerned that if I waited too long I would have insulted her by not responding to her.
No, it is not moving too quickly; it is more likely that you mistake friendship for soemthing different.
[quote=Madaglan] I don’t know much about girls, and that was the first time I told anyone how I felt about them. So, please excuse me for anything that is out of place. Thanks!
Not out of place. I don’t know that I would have bared my soul in a public forum such as this, but perhaps the anonomity of the internet allows such.
I would suggest a couple of things. There are probably some girls your age you know, and with whom you are friends. Whay are you not romantically inclined to them? The reasons are probably similar to why she is not to you, and they are reasons that are at best difficult to quantify and relate verbally; it is hard to put into words.
I have read several of your comments on other threads, and I get the impression that you have had bouts of mild depression, that you are impressionable and a bit naieve, have fairly strong emotions, and display them fairly easily. another way of saying it is that you have a tendency to wear your heart on your sleeve; as a result, you are hurt easily.
Part of that may come from too easily expecting too much from relationships; in other words you are a romance looking for a place to happen, and you end up trying to happen when the reciprocation is mis-identified.
My boss laughs because I have related a number of stories to him; he is convinced that if I didn’t date someone, I dated their sister’s husband’s second cousin. And the truth is, I did date quite a number of women; dates being going to movies, or dinner, or to a party, etc.
Several of them broke my heart. A couple, I broke their hearts. I had my first date in high school at 16 (football game, my school against hers), and I wasn’t half so interested in her as I was in her older sister, who would have laughed me out of town had I asked her to the game…
And I didn’t get married for another 16 years.
Your emotions seem to run close to the surface, and you are going to get hurt a fair amount if that is true, because that usually leads to getting in over your head emotionally before the other person is, or in spite of the fact that the other person is not.
You either need to learn to throttle down the speed with which you “fall” for someone, or you are going to be on the emotional roller coaster for sure.
so, the long and the short of it is that you are going to fall for some others, and they won’t have the same feeling; and some might fall for you, and it won’t be one you feel that way about.
Maybe it really was easier when marriages were arranged…
Or maybe not…