Trying to understand why Church allows baptism for children raised by gay couples


My sister and I were talking about the issue of gay couples seeking baptism for children they have adopted (or where one is the actual parent), and I was SURE that the Church would not allow this, since the very fact of the relationship between the parents is itself greatly opposed to Church teaching…but can only find online resources saying the Church DOES allow this, and the cautions seems so vague as to pretty much allow this across the board. I am shocked and find it hard to believe that this is what Our Lord would want. Even if the “couples” say they will raise the child Catholic, how can the Church accept that? Their very lifestyle goes against the Church!


The resources might not be credible so it would be best to examine each one.



Priests/deacons are allowed to exercise discretion and refuse to baptize children when it’s apparent to them that the child won’t be raised according to the faith, so I can’t imagine why such an obvious sign as this of “we don’t intend to raise this child Catholic” wouldn’t automatically raise a red flag for a clerics.


Are there circumstances in which it could be allowed? I couldn’t imagine any. It would seem to me that the only circumstance would be, if the couple had had a conversion and have agreed to separate and live in chastity, and cease to act like a couple. Then you can’t even speak of a gay couple at that point.


Here is the way to look at this.

As with hetorsexual couples who are NOT in a recognized marriage, or do not practice the faith, if a priest or deacon has a profound hope that the child will be raised Catholic, then the child may be baptized.

NOTE: there are some same sex couples (or at least individuals within the couple) that have a conversion after being in their union. Grant you, it might not be many, but it’s possible. So theoretically (just like with heterosexual couples who remarry without an annulment) it’s possible for the parents to live as siblings and raise the child with Catholic values.

Therefore, the Church is not going to issue a blanket statement on this. If the priest thinks the child will be raised Catholic by two same sex parents, then the priest may baptize the child. If the priest doesn’t think they will be raised Catholic, he may deny the couple baptism.

When a priest denies a baptism, I wonder if any of them gently suggest that they baptize the child in the protestant church so the child is baptized but not tied to Canon Law? :thinking:


If a priest appears too rigid or conservative, then he has to fear being sent to re-education camp. So I can see why a priest would baptize a child like this.


The requirements for infant baptism are the same for everyone:

Can. 868 §1. For an infant to be baptized licitly:

1/ the parents or at least one of them or the person who legitimately takes their place must consent;

2/ there must be a founded hope that the infant will be brought up in the Catholic religion; if such hope is altogether lacking, the baptism is to be delayed according to the prescripts of particular law after the parents have been advised about the reason.

§2. An infant of Catholic parents or even of non-Catholic parents is baptized licitly in danger of death even against the will of the parents.


We are all sinners, are we not?

I can understand a priest not wanting to marry same sex couples. But baptizing a child does not in any way justifies the union.

Jesus said, “Let the children come to me.”

But woe to him who causes them to stumble.


Actually baptizing them is kind of useless if they aren’t taught the faith. It is better if they sought it on their own after they grow up and are able to learn themselves.


I believe the Holy Spirit is imparted on us when we are baptized. Far from useless. That may protect the child from rebel spirits until (s)he makes that decision.


There are plenty of lapsed and cultural Catholics that shows that that sentiment is incorrect.


How so?

They may make that decision tomorrow. Had they not been baptized, they may never make that decision.


That’s just speculation.


TomAto, tomahto. You say speculation, I say faith.


That’s not exactly authoritive.


There are a few same sex couples with children who attend my parish. The kids attend Mass weekly, attend OCD and one boy is an altar server. They ARE being raised in the faith. However the families are being counseled regarding the parents’ sexuality and what Catholic marriage means is not of anybody’s biz. How the parents are living behind closed doors is not anybody’s biz as far as the child’s faith formation is concerned. There are plenty of Catholic married couples who I’m sure are living sinful lives and their children are baptized. The difference is it is easy to visually mark same-sex couples, where the sins of others can be hidden. It’s Lent, how about we worry about our own sins, be charitable and keep it movin’.


Also how many married couples just check the box to get the kids baptized so it can feel like a second wedding for them and then you never see them or the kids again. Let’s look at intention shall we.


I wouldn’t want them to be baptized either.


What does baptism do for the child if they aren’t going to be raised in the faith?

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