I am having a problem in my soul or my mind mabey both but either way I have this horrible scence of sadness in my heart that just won’t go away.
In 2007 I got pregnant again for the sixth time after 5 c-sections the pregnancy went pretty well but was kind of iffy because I was at a very high risk for rupture. My doctor wanted me to have a tubal and at first I put him off and tried to explaine to him that it was against my religion he even went so far as to have a specialist write my church a letter. I would have been able to withstand the pressure but my Father whome I love with all my heart and would die for started pressuring me this realy confused me because he is also a catholic and devote I understand why my dad did what he did he thought he was saving my life and in truth I had less than a 10 percent chance of carrying another baby to viability. so I gave in and had it done.
Ever since then I have felt this sadness in my heart it’s not that I want anymore its that I can’t have anymore I can’t be receptive to gods wonderful gift of life. I have spoken to my priest and begged forgiveness and I repent to the bottom of my soul. I now live in chastity and I have accepted the fact that that part of my life is over but why oh why do I feel so sad?