Turning physical intimacy into emotional intimacy


I have been dating a girl for a month now. I guess I should note that we are sophomores in college, and we both live on campus. Anyway, we are both Catholics and want to save sex for Marriage. However, we are starting to get physically intimate at times, and I need to stop this before it goes too far.

How can I stop going too far physically and turn that into emotional intimacy?



A couple of observations:

  1. I commend you on wanting to do what you know to be right, just, and true.

  2. Wanting it to be so is half way to your goal or preserving physical intimacy for marriage. That is a great, and indispensable, first step.

  3. You show tremendous insight by asking how you can replace physical intimacy with emotional intimacy. One of the easiest mistakes to make is to try to eliminate sinful behaviors (or near occasions of sin, as in this case), outright without anything to replace them. The better course of action is to strive for virtue, or to replace a near occasion of sin with something better.

  4. Practically speaking, I think your next step should be to studiously avoid being alone together. By this I mean secluded or sequestered behind closed doors. It would be difficult to develop emotional closeness if you didn’t have privacy, but you can have privacy on the phone, through letters, in email, or in public places (just away from the crowd).

What do you think?


Pray. It is the most intimate thing you two can do with your bodies. Help her develop a deeper relationship with Him, and she should in turn help you do the same. Spiritual intimacy is much more important than emotional or physical intimacy.


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