My husband is a night owl, always has been, swears it’ll never change. My issue is w/ the fact that he stays up way too late, getting to bed late (knowing full well that the nursing babe isn’t making it thru the night yet), sleeps in while I get both kids around by myself (2yo and 5mo) and try to get them both to the sitter and make it to work by 8. He doesn’t get to work until 11 or later which means he’s there till 7 or later.
We previously had a deal that he would not get on the computer till 7 at night, but it seems that he’s just ‘working the system’ so to speak. I have to keep on him to help out during the week - we agreed that he would do trash and dishes, I do the laundry and pretty well everything else. BTW, what he does on the computer is poker (with his blow money - we both get equal amounts to spend as we like) and he plays some video game-type stuff w/ his buddies from out of town.
He’s really bad when my mom comes to visit. She came to watch the kids while the sitter is on vacation for a week and the older one is sick now so she has to stay another week (she lives 3 hrs away). DH does absolutely nothing while she’s here b/c he knows she’ll do his chores. I’ve told her that she doesn’t need to do those things, but she does them anyway - I’ve also let DH know that his chores are not mom’s resposibility and her primary job while she’s here is to watch the kids. She’s gracious enough to cook for us as well, which possibly has something to do w/ why she does the dishes - so she has something to cook w/!!!
So here’s the ultimatum. When ‘things’ pile up and he’s getting way off schedule, I will take his modem until he gets caught up. Of course, as soon as it’s back in his possession, the cycle starts over. I feel like I am getting dumped on - like I’m just supposed to eat s**t and grin (sorry for the foul language). He’s stopped going to church as well, which I feel has more to do w/ getting a dig in at me than anything else. I also feel very strongly that satan is using this to drive a wedge between us, but I try to stay faithful and I continue to go to mass regularly.
He has said many times that he doesn’t like being treated like a child in this manner and that if I keep it up I won’t like what happens. When I’ve asked him what that means, he says he’ll leave. Only place he has to go it to his folks and I know they will side w/ me - I’m sure neither of his brothers would take him in, just tell him to straighten up. At this point, I have been to the brink several times where I’d be willing to help him pack. As it is right now, it’s already as though he isn’t there! Neither of us believes in divorce, but we could sure use a break. This has been an ongoing issue for as long as we’ve been together (8 yrs+), but we haven’t been married long enough for a retrovaille weekend, not that I’m sure he’d go anyway, and I know he won’t see anything about it, w/ or w/out me.
Any advice? I feel like I just need to stand my ground w/ him on this and quit giving in to him - keeping ‘peace at all costs.’ I really feel like he should prove himself before I return his modem, as much as I hate how childish this seems, it’s like the only way to get thru to him. Believe me, I pray for God to change me and bless DH in whatever way he needs. Any advice and prayers are welcome. Thanks and God Bless.