Much like St. Teresa of Avila, I feel tormented by the favors God has granted me. He promised me final perseverance one day in a vision (I’ve told several priests the details with no objections) and now, knowing I owe Him everything, I feel maddeningly scrupulous - but not over Hell, yet over not being fully pleasing to Him! I know we can’t earn Heaven, but I feel like if I don’t become a saint overnight I’ll be pissing Him off and I guess I’m just trying to deserve what He’s given me and can’t shake the torture of it. You’d think the opposite would be true, that I’d become a lax fatalist, but as a ex-Protestant I don’t want to fall into a sort of OSAS laziness. It’s just too much to know :rolleyes: It makes me want to be perfect for Him but I don’t have the strength to do it.
“The memory of the favor God has granted does more to bring such a person back to God than all the infernal punishments imaginable.” - St. Teresa of Avila