[quote="ThyKingdomCome, post:13, topic:218404"]
I think I would get this all out in the open.
"Mom, what's going on with Thanksgiving? We've always done it a certain way and I'm confused about how you want it to be different and why. Is something wrong?"
"Mom, I'd really like to host it again, and I really want to see the relatives too. What can I do to make it easier for you, so you'll still come?"
"Mom, I was really looking forward to seeing the relatives as usual. Is my family welcome to come to your house?"
"Mom, are you upset with me? Is there a reason you don't want us there?" (if you find out that this is definitely true)
After all, this isn't an acquaintance, it is your mother. You should be able to speak this candidly to parents. It is my opinion that in most situations parents should be able to invite themselves over to their kids houses and kids should be able to invite themselves to parents houses. We can always say, "No, this isn't a great time," but we shouldn't need to tiptoe and hint to our own parents.
If Mom admits that she actually doesn't want you there, then you can ask her why. Maybe she has a legitimate reason, or a legitimate gripe that needs to be addressed. If she refuses to give you a straight answer, then maybe you can say, "Well, I'm confused about what you want, so how about this. I'll host thanksgiving, and I'll take care of everything. I would love to have you there." After all, unless she can clarify what is happening and that she is taking charge, then you might as well take charge. Who knows, maybe she's tired of being in charge?
Really, to drastically change Thanksgiving traditions in a way that suddenly excludes your own daughter? She owes you an explanation. Particularly because it affects your relationship with your other relatives. It probably is better though that you don't depend on her for your relationship with them. Perhaps another good reason to either find another way to visit with them or to start taking more control of the holiday.
God bless you! What a kind and practical response. You are right I should be able to communicate with my own mother. But my mother can be very hard on people and I think I've crossed her. The best I can come up with is that she is punishing me for something. I think she is angry because my sister will not come for holidays anymore and that this is my fault.
It is not my fault my sister was very, very abusive to me and ended the relationship with me and the rest of the family on her own. She told my mother that I was not allowing her to come for Christmas in 2009. The truth was that she was intending to come that day. She scheduled to work that day(she didn't want to spend the day with our brothers) but she told me that wanted to send her new boyfriend and their combined 6 children (all very out of control kids) for dinner. I told her that it would be better if she came for Christmas Eve instead. (because I could handle the having all those kids with no mom and cooking dinner).I was not excluding her because she at that point, only spoke to me and my mother anyway, and we were all going to be present for Christmas Eve. I knew long before this that my sister was building a resentment toward me but I remained kind to her.(As I am doing with my mother presently)
To make a long story short, sister cursed me out, hung up on me. I called her back to try to explain myself better but she wouldn't listen. And we haven't spoken except briefly when I had my husband bail her out of jail for domestic abuse. I know my sister is very sick. I don't hold a grudge but I did have to stand my ground that day and I paid a hefty price. She truely hates me.
Unfortunately, I think now my mother hates me too, and it's only a matter of time until she finds some reason to dump me.
And I know this all sounds so crazy, I'm sorry but it the truth at least as much as I can know.