Un-married Couple Vacation

I was wondering that if an unmarried couple wanted to go away for a weekend together, both agreeing to save themselves for marriage, would that be okay in the eyes of the Church? There is nothing sexual (nothing passed kissing at least) going on in the relationship (both parties are devote Catholics), but they can only afford a single bedroom condo at this time.

Thanks brothers and sisters!

I don’t like it and don’t approve of it, for many reasons.

Above and beyond the fact that it may give scandal (it may appear you are cohabitating), it lends other problems as well.

IMHO, it’s a form of “playing married.” It also tends to blur the line between married & single, i.e., vacationing together is one of the nice “perks” of actually being married. It can lead to “other things”, i.e., once people are in a vacation setting where they are relaxed, it becomes easier for “other things” to occur, which ought to be confined to marriage.

I would say yes and no. Yes it would be okay because they wouldn’t be planning on doing anything sexual in nature, but I would also say no because while they may know that they aren’t doing wrong, others might not, which would then lead to the sin of scandal. Also, if knowing that, even if they say they want to save themselves for marriage, they would be tempted, then they are willingly putting themselves into a situation where they would be tempted, which is also a sin.

So, I would advise against it, though I would not criticize or judge those that would do this.

I see no problem at all. Aside from the cost of separate rooms.

Perhaps find another couple in a similar situation, rent a 2 bedroom condo and split it 4 ways? The gals in one room the guys in the other?

Multi-party co-ed camping and vacations with house shares seems OK, but 2 alone in one condo can be hard if you really want to stay chaste and not cause scandal.

I’m curious, Moore11, why you have no problem with it. Do you think I am incorrect in my assessment?

Read my post. I think you and I agree. There is no problem with these two going on a vacation. They need to have separate rooms. If they cannot afford to take a vacation correctly then they should not go. I can guarantee that they could find cheaper separate overnight situations but it isn’t what they want so they are looking for ways to cheapen their character rather than their vacation.

People often post things like this saying they cannot “afford” to do it a moral way so as to take that option off the table. If you cannot afford to get separate rooms for vacation you probably should not take a vacation at all and put the money towards food for living because you are so poor.

This is exactly how I see it too. That’s why my family never takes vacations except to visit relatives. Day trips to visit state and national parks are a great thing to do as a couple. Put the money you would be spending on a vacation towards a wedding and honeymoon when sharing a room would be perfectly fine. Remember to save some for a down payment in a house as well.

You know what, Moore11? I totally misunderstood your earlier post.

Hm. Of course, there are already a few dozen demons sleeping on the floor of the single bedroom, waiting…:o

Jokes aside, to live like brother and sister can be hard, unless he dutifully sleeps on the living room couch :wink: Probably they should ask the permission (or at least the counsel) of their confessor. :shrug:

Any confessor worth his salt will tell them not to do it. People are watching us, even when we don’t know it. They judge Christianity by what we do. Do you really want the maids, or hotel staff, or waitresses saying, “those two say they’re Catholics, look they’ve got a rosary in their car, but we know what they’re really up to.”
Causing scandal is lack of charity.

Most probably. But I am not a confessor, and neither is anyone here :wink: I think it’s great to discuss these things together, but when time comes to make a decision, I’d personally subject myself to the direction of the confessor :slight_smile:

Yes hold off on such vacations as described – for marriage.

I travel very frequently, and I can’t remember a time when I ever asked myself if two people I came across in a hotel were married or not. Its not my business. IF two adults wish to go on vacation and can only afford one room, then that is their decision. Please don’t throw"scandal" up either ---- if you are sitting around watching others perchance they sin, then the log in your own eye is so large that you should work on removing it immediately.

The way to a nice vacation for a an unmarried couple – is not sharing a room together.

So when we give scandal to others, it’s really their fault and not ours…? Sorry, but that’s not a correct Catholic attitude.

St Paul says: “Therefore, if food causes my brother to stumble, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause my brother to stumble.” 1 Corinthians 8:13

The sin of scandal is real. Blaming the victim is silly and misses the point entirely.

(regarding the aspect of scandal…)

My boyfriend and I are both 29 years old, in a very serious relationship, and have been successful at waiting for marriage. We’ve gone on several vacations together and always managed to find hotels where we could stay in a suite, meaning that there were seperate sections to the hotel room, even if we were in one room. We are going on a weekend trip to the apple orchards near our town, and there are only the conventional hotel rooms available. Considering how committed we are to waiting, would it be wrong for us to share a room, but of course sleep in seperate beds, for one night?

Fr. Vincent Serpa
Catholic Answers Apologist

Join Date: May 4, 2004
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 3,988
Re: Hotel Room
Dear BG,

I commend the two of you for respecting each other by waiting for your wedding night. There is another consideration that is pertinent here, however. It is the matter of the witness you are giving. Most others who know that you are spending the night together don’t know that you are being celibate. This includes hotel personnel as well as casual acquaintances. One could say that it is none of their business. Whether it is their business or not, the fact remains that by your example you are either speaking for Christian values or you are not. The world is either better for our example or it is worse for it. And we never know how much we affect others by how they perceive us.

Stay in separate rooms!

Fr. Vincent Serpa, O.P.


OK, I’ll bite. Perchance just who are they causing scandal to? ‘Victim’ - I must be really groggy this morning. We have many problems to deal with and make right in this works and worrying about going on a 2 day vacation and two adults staying in the same room isn’t very high on any list I’ve seen. Maybe as I turn 60 I’ve finally realized that everyone is in charge of their own soul and conscience and their actions are between themselves and Our Lord, not the next door neighbor or Parish gossip leader.:shrug:

This is not a question how you and I are to “give the benefit of the doubt” etc to others or how we are to “look” or “think” about others (we need of course charity etc in our thoughts etc) --but how in ones own actions one is to avoid scandal (and other sins).


So let me get this strait. Someone posts a question on this site asking for moral guidance and your response is basically “it’s up to you!?” And that is what you have realized in 60 years? That everyone should just do whatever they want with no regard to how others perceive them? Whatever happened to the good old idea of shame?
It seems to me this type of attitude is exactly what is wrong with the modernist relativist culture we live in. And we should be at least caring of others enough to worry about their souls and their relationship with God…

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