Unable to have a baby & heartbroken. I long for a baby!


#1

I have struggled for many years with wondering why God did not allow me to have a baby. I have always wanted to be a mother. I love children. When I was 30 I had to have a hysterectomy. My husband & I tried for a year prior to conceive. I had a large mass in my uterus that was covered in fibroid tumors. My stomach looked as if I was full term. The Dr had never seen such an enlarged uterus. I was devastated, but finally agreed to have surgery. I prayed non-stop to be healed, but it didn’t happen. I went through a year of a total depression. The crying & pain of seeing a baby or preganat women. It was awful! My husband had two children & I have raised them since they were 2 & 3 years old. I love them like they are my own & feel so blessed to have them. (Their birth Mom has nothing to do with them)
I am 36 now & I still ache for a baby. Is this normal? I still feel an emptiness. I still question God as to why this happened. My husband thinks I should be over it & be thankful for the two we have. I am thankful, but he can see himself in them & they are his biologically. So it is easy for him to say. I long for a baby. I want to adopt so bad. I missed out on the “baby” years & all that goes with that. My husband told me when we married that he would adopt. He has said it many times. I put him through college & help support his deams. I made many sacrifices & now he does not want to adopt. He said that we can’t afford it & that he just wants to be able to spend time with me now that the kids are older. They are 10 & 11. I am so angry about this & hurt. I feel like he mislead me. I try to stay busy & volunteer & keep my mind off of a baby, but I can’t get over it! I just keep getting more depressed over it. Getting invited to baby showers & getting birth announcements from my friends all the time doesn’t help matters. I just don’t know what to do. Any advise? I need prayer & I just want to know if the desire/longing to have a baby will ever end.

Thanks,
Kiki


#2

I think longing for children is normal. It gets easier, but may always be there to some extent. I’m so sorry for your situation.

As far as your husband changing his mind about adoption, that’s a serious breach of trust. He said repeatedly he would adopt and now he’s going back on that? You have every right to be angry.

If you’re truly depressed, please get help. I’d sure want to vent and talk to someone if my husband changed his mind about something that important. —KCT


#3

I feel for you. I have 3 children, my youngest is 9 months, and can relate to your feelings of longing for a baby. It took us a while to get pregnant and I had 2 miscarriages. Being a mother is a gift and a blessing. Hold onto that longing and pray about it. There are so many children who need loving homes. God Bless you!


#4

I want you to talk to your priest, and have him talk to and counsel your husband. It’s not OK that he went back on his promise. He needs a serious kick in the butt about this. What he is doing – denying what he promised: is not right. It’s a breech of marital commitment and promises going-in.

Your feelings are very normal and validated. You knew this was a problem and you married a man intent on helping you with it. There’s no “backsies.”

God bless you, my prayers with you. I am sorry you suffer, I cant begin to imagine. I have suffered many losses, but that is in NO comparison the pain you feel. Completely DIFFERENT. I hope people realize that even if they struggled with infertility that you have no choice at this point as far as carrying your own. But you CAN adopt, and you should ADOPT. Your husband should keep his promise and you should get the chance to be your own mommy.

PLEASE update us when you can OK? Whether or not you follow my advice about getting your priest involved – or where you go from here, just update us please.


#5

Kiki,
It is perfectly normal to desire and long for a child. We struggled with infertility issues for 7 years before adopting our children. I still feel that empty feeling inside sometimes. I think a woman’s physical desire for children is God-given. When it is not fulfilled, it is a very, very heavy cross to bear. However, my pain was softened IMMENSELY by adopting our dear children. If my dh had denied me that, I truly think I would have gone crazy with grief. You need to get some marriage counseling. Preferably a good Catholic one. You are still young and can adopt very easily! It is not too late. Your husband needs to support you in this. I know that you love the children you have raised, but your heart is open for more. You’ve been so generous with your boys. Remind your dh of that. Prayers coming your way.

Please refer to the infertility thread in the Family section. In the very beginning is a link to a beautiful article about infertility. Please read it.


#6

I feel for you too. Praying for you.


#7

Yes, we have an ongoing discussion. It is in the ‘sticky’ section at the top. We talk about a lot of different aspects of infertility. You are not alone.


#8

Thank you all for your responses. It was good just to get it off my chest. I pray that my husband will change his mind & be open to more children. I think it is causing a lot of resentment in our marriage. He doesn’t seem to care about my feelings at all.
I think I will talk to my priest. I am a new Catholic. I just converted last year & our children. My husband is still Episcopal, but goes to Mass with us. He is willing to go to RCIA this year. So, I am thrilled about that. He is a good man & has a good heart.Please pray that God will open his heart for more children. Please pray that we can find a baby to love & make a part of our family.
I was wondering for those who have adopted how was the process & how long did it take?

Thanks so much!
Kiki


#9

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