I have struggled for many years with wondering why God did not allow me to have a baby. I have always wanted to be a mother. I love children. When I was 30 I had to have a hysterectomy. My husband & I tried for a year prior to conceive. I had a large mass in my uterus that was covered in fibroid tumors. My stomach looked as if I was full term. The Dr had never seen such an enlarged uterus. I was devastated, but finally agreed to have surgery. I prayed non-stop to be healed, but it didn’t happen. I went through a year of a total depression. The crying & pain of seeing a baby or preganat women. It was awful! My husband had two children & I have raised them since they were 2 & 3 years old. I love them like they are my own & feel so blessed to have them. (Their birth Mom has nothing to do with them)
I am 36 now & I still ache for a baby. Is this normal? I still feel an emptiness. I still question God as to why this happened. My husband thinks I should be over it & be thankful for the two we have. I am thankful, but he can see himself in them & they are his biologically. So it is easy for him to say. I long for a baby. I want to adopt so bad. I missed out on the “baby” years & all that goes with that. My husband told me when we married that he would adopt. He has said it many times. I put him through college & help support his deams. I made many sacrifices & now he does not want to adopt. He said that we can’t afford it & that he just wants to be able to spend time with me now that the kids are older. They are 10 & 11. I am so angry about this & hurt. I feel like he mislead me. I try to stay busy & volunteer & keep my mind off of a baby, but I can’t get over it! I just keep getting more depressed over it. Getting invited to baby showers & getting birth announcements from my friends all the time doesn’t help matters. I just don’t know what to do. Any advise? I need prayer & I just want to know if the desire/longing to have a baby will ever end.