The last few years actually 5 i have felt a strong inclination to be a nun but the thing is I don’t want or have any interest in this life. I cry and I get all anxious whenever i have this thought. I know their is some anxiety actually that comes with these thoughts but honestly thinking about never being married or having kids makes me very sad and very unhappy. I don’t want to go against the will of God but I feel this is not the right life for me. I was dignosed with ocd 5 years ago and this is when this vocation started . I can’t lie when I have this thought it makes me feel disgusted. Yes i love God but the thought be being a nun repulses me. I feel lost and very unhappy at the moment. I just want these thoughts to stop.
There are basically three signs of a vocation and God’s Inviting Will for a life. Vocation is NEVER a Divine Commend that we must obey, rather it is an Invitation that we can choose if we so desire and with that invitation comes God’s guarantee of all the Graces necessary to follow that invitation.
What are the signs of an invitation from God re vocation?:
Attraction to the life
Ability to lead the life
Acceptance into the life
Clearly, you do not have the first sign in an attraction to religious life, rather it repulses you and hence you can be sure that God is not inviting you to religious life at this time.
Ability to lead religious life initially comes with an application to a religious order and their acceptance of your application meaning that they are of the opinion that you have the ability to lead the religious life in their community. The actual ability to live the life, however, is only confirmed with living the life and acceptance by the community and your own individual choice to continue in the life.
Full acceptance into the life is indicated with final vows - until then it is a journey of discernment for both individual and the community.
You state “yes, I love God” - then that vocation that you choose for your life in through which to love and serve Him will delight Him and He will grant all the Graces necessary for you to achieve holiness in that state of life of your choice.
Your continual thoughts about religious life though it repulses you might have something to do with your ocd - and a therapist should be able to help you sort this out.
I guess I would ask you how much do you really know of a nuns life. It sounds like you are being pulled in two different directions you feel called but would like to get married. If I were you I would take time to really discern what you want. Talk to a vocations counselor and see what they say. Maybe attend a retreat at a convent to see if that lifestyle is for you. It might help you figure out what you want to do with your life without having to make any committments. Go slowly and pray often and you will figure it out.
All jolly good advice. Sometimes one can be repulsed about something due to what we imagine it would be like - and in reality knowing little or nothing about the actual reality of matters.
How you are going to spend the rest of your life is too important to not take things slowly and seek advice too. Pray about it.
Again jolly good advice in the above post.
I have a vocation to a nun. It terrifies me, and sometimes I feel sad about never marrying or having kids and all the things I’ll be giving up. But that is completely overridden by this incredible, powerful, indescribable sense of joy. It took me a long time to get to this stage. When I first felt the calling, I was terrified and I pushed it away. But now here I am, my soul longs for the day I can join.
I advise speaking with your priest, and also since you say it came up at the same time as your OCD discussing it with a therapist. Perhaps as was suggested you might go on a retreat to a community nearby, sometimes that can completely change a persons feelings about a vocation.
“Let not my will be done but Yours. I live only to do your will, I surrender my will to you and place myself entirely in your hands. You are the potter and I am the clay.” Throughout my discernment I prayed this little prayer and I still do. Trust that God will not call you to a life that will make you unhappy - a vocation is one of joy, not of sadness.
I’m not sure you have a vocation at this point, based on your description. I’d certainly talk at length to a priest before deciding to do anything like this. Most women who want to become nuns are quite happy about it and feel very much at home with it. In fact, the whole task of finding the right place to be a nun requires that you find a good fit, and a place to be at home with it.
Honestly, reading your post, it doesn’t sound like you are happy about the idea.
If you decide not to be a nun, what would you want to do? There are plenty of ways to be a very good Catholic for people who don’t become nuns, you know. You might want to explore this idea with your priest &/or therapist.
Sometimes, when people discover something about themselves in which “feelings” might present a sense of inadequacy or self-rejection or unworthiness, it is common that a sense of feeling “called” can present itself as a solution, that is, a sense of purpose and therefore worthwhileness.
This is generalizing obviously. It may not occur in your case. Lots of information not available on you.
It could be suggested though that you explore the relationship between your social understanding of OCD, your discovery of OCD in yourself, and its relationship between to timing of your sense of being called.
It’s also worth mentioning that as a nun, guess what - you’re married (and wow what a marriage!)
And, as a nun, if you’re charism is working with kids, which it could very well be, guess what - you’ll be a mother to many!!
It’s definitely not a loss, and not even a substitution. It’s a “calling” !
They often say that good husbands would make good priests, and visaversa.
I think it can be said that if you’d make a good wife, you’ll probably make a great nun!
And if you’re the gentle woman that Mother Mary is, you’ll be a really awesome nun!!!
Here’s a perspective:
Kids love their mothers. Be a nun and you will be so rewarded with OVERWHELMING love that it will wrap you and envelope you in a spirit of generosity that will be as close to heaven as any human on earth ever experienced!
So, discern it by first clarifying the relationship between your personal experience of OCD and your sense of vocation in life. That’s a worthy pursuit.