Uncertainity in Relationship


#1

I have been with my girlfriend for two years. We met our senior year in High School. We also attend the same college. It was through her, well actually God used her faith, to bring me to Catholicism, as I am in RCIA now. But I am having some doubts. I love her very much and do not want to hurt her. However, I think that I may one day want to enter the priesthood maybe. I am just having problems with all my thoughts now. I am studying Exercise Science and will pursue my Masters in Clinical Exercise Physiology. What should I do?

dxu


#2

be honest and open with her, and pray about it together.


#3

[quote=vluvski]be honest and open with her, and pray about it together.
[/quote]

That is not something she would do. I should’ve mentioned she is a Cafeteria Catholic, sad to say. She does not go to confession, but she does agree with Church Teaching on abortion, euthanasia, gay marriage, and women’s ordination. However, contraception is another issue. She is very secular but never misses Mass on Saturday or Sunday. So she is devout, yet off in ways. She can follow history and she understands the Truth. But it is some of the theological issues she has trouble with. Also, I think alot of her “way” are a result of her upbringing in a good Catholic family, but was never taught to goto confession. Her “ways” also come from the secular world, I think.

dxu


#4

[quote=snowman10]That is not something she would do.
dxu
[/quote]

Here’s a thought…
you feel you may be called to the priesthood…

well, if you can’t pray about discerning that with your current girlfriend because you’re assuming she wouldn’t want to do that, then that’s not much of a priestly approach.

You are blessed to be in the process of conversion, thanks, as you noted, to this girl having been brought into your life. So you can see how God had a plan for you in meeting her…look further for His plan for her in her meeting you…your fresh zeal for the faith may be just what God had in mind for her to round out her faith experiences.

Ask her to pray with you over this matter while you continue to date. At least allow her the chance to say yes, or no. Right now you’re excluding her and that’s not fair, especially since it is thru her you found your relationship with God.


#5

[quote=snowman10]I have been with my girlfriend for two years. We met our senior year in High School. We also attend the same college. It was through her, well actually God used her faith, to bring me to Catholicism, as I am in RCIA now. But I am having some doubts. I love her very much and do not want to hurt her. However, I think that I may one day want to enter the priesthood maybe. I am just having problems with all my thoughts now. I am studying Exercise Science and will pursue my Masters in Clinical Exercise Physiology. What should I do?

dxu
[/quote]

I think you should get a spiritual director-- talk to your priest about it.

As for the relationship, cool the jets. You still have a lot of school left, and you should fairly explore the priesthood, Catholicism, and your future. I think where you are in your spiritual journey it might be best not to be in a relationship with a girlfriend.


#6

YinYangMom,

First and foremost, I find that maybe you misinterpreted my post or I did not articulate correctly. My girlfriend is devout in the sense of her attending Mass every weekend and agreeing on pretty much everything the Church teaches. However, her daily spirtual like is almost non-existent. That is why my attitude of praying WITH her seems low. She is not the person who prays. In fact, I have never seen her do it except at Mass, and only memorized prayers. I do not feel her attitude should make it seem that I am not taking a “priestly approach”. I am open with her about my faith but she does not really heed anything I say. And it makes me very, very sad.

1ke,

Thank you for your advice. I am unsure why though I would need to not be in a relationship? Could you, or anyone else for that matter, elaborate please.

peace and love,
dxu


#7

Is there a chance she would go on a spiritual retreat with you? That might get her to open up and see that faith goes beyond Sunday Mass. Maybe there’s a TEC (To Encounter Christ) retreat, something through the college Newman club or something through Couples for Christ, who also minister to youth and young adults.

If you are taking your faith seriously and your girlfriend won’t even pray with you, that might be the answer you need right now to cool things off.


#8

[quote=Didi]Is there a chance she would go on a spiritual retreat with you? That might get her to open up and see that faith goes beyond Sunday Mass. Maybe there’s a TEC (To Encounter Christ) retreat, something through the college Newman club or something through Couples for Christ, who also minister to youth and young adults.

If you are taking your faith seriously and your girlfriend won’t even pray with you, that might be the answer you need right now to cool things off.
[/quote]

I wish I could explain it better than it isn’t her to pray with others or whatnot. I am hoping that as I make my way through RCIA she will see what brings somebody from the outside the Church in. I plan on regular confession and other things. But I have had the idea to break up but I love her very much. Yet at the same time, I sometimes wonder if I am with her because I know there is a sense of security. I could never imagine her with someone else. I would like to make a family with her. Now I am just frustrated.

dxu


#9

Snowman,

At one time, I felt called to the religious life. My boyfriend was a nominal Catholic. He has since fallen away completly. If I would have had the distance to pursue my vocation, I probably would have been a nun. I coudn’t take a call to the rel. life “seriously” b/c I was clouding my judgement every day by pursuing a realtionship as eagerly as I should have been pursueing my call.

I deeply regret that now.

Don’t get me wrong- I LOVE my dh and my 4 kids with all my heart, but I know I was called, and didn’t give that call my full attention, and that thought, that I had let down God in order to pursue “my own life” fills me with sorrow even today.

I will be married 10 years in Dec.

Take the time to explore your calling, if it’s real, you’ll not regret it. If not, you will have the peace of mind to pursue the maried life.


#10

[quote=snowman10]I am open with her about my faith but she does not really heed anything I say. And it makes me very, very sad.

[/quote]

Ooooh. So you’ve been open about praying and stuff but she isn’t responding or appear to be willing to grow in her faith with you at this time that way.

Maybe God really brought her to you for your own spiritual growth then and not so much as a potential mate. In any case the relationship itself is truly a blessing. Perhaps you can learn to be happy for her knowing that the Spirit will move her at a later time to find the richness you are discovering.

That is the key difference, really, the work of the Holy Spirit in each of you…it’s not the same intensity, it’s not even the same approach, and it certainly is rarely within the same timeframe. Trust that He will continue to move her at the pace she’s destined for, and then focus on your own development, as certainly there is a stronger calling to something for you, which means NOW is your time, just not hers.

I’m with the other poster. Find a spiritual director to help you through this. It’ll make a huge difference for you.


#11

I know this sounds really selfish but I am scared and don’t want to lose her. Yet, I think I may have a calling. This is so hard.

:frowning: …dxu


#12

[quote=snowman10]I wish I could explain it better than it isn’t her to pray with others or whatnot. I am hoping that as I make my way through RCIA she will see what brings somebody from the outside the Church in. I plan on regular confession and other things. But I have had the idea to break up but I love her very much. Yet at the same time, I sometimes wonder if I am with her because I know there is a sense of security. I could never imagine her with someone else. I would like to make a family with her. Now I am just frustrated.

dxu
[/quote]

I wish you could explain it better too. I get that she’s not accustomed to praying with others, but has she been to a Catholic retreat in her life? Would she go to one with you if you asked her to? If she’s not open to that, then yeah, I’d say she isn’t willing to expand her faith practices at the moment, but if she says yes she may come to appreciate prayer with others.

You have the idea to break up. What would be your reasons for this? Has she done something to offend you? As you’ve gotten to know her has she turned out to not be a potential mate? Is it because you feel you are called to Christ and no other woman? If it’s the last, then you shouldn’t break up until you’ve worked with a spiritual advisor to discern that.

You can’t imagine her with anyone else? Why not? Don’t you want her to be happy? If you want to break up because she’s not meant for you, then that means she’s meant for someone else and the more time she spends with you is time away from that other person. I would think you’d want to set her free to find her real mate if you know it isn’t you.

As for wanting to make a family with her. Boy, you’re way ahead of the game here. You’re still in school, do not have a financial future laid out for you and a wife yet, you are trying to discern whether you’re called vocation will be priesthood or marriage, and you’re just now in your RCIA program. Slow down. Patience is a virtue. You can’t rush God’s plan for you, you just have to follow His lead at His pace.

Focus on your coursework, RCIA, working with a spiritual advisor, and enjoying the companionship of this wonderful woman. You can maintain the relationship on a constant level for quite some time if need be without taking it to that next step.


#13

She is a Sunday only Catholic. Does that explain it any better?

dxu


#14

[quote=snowman10]I know this sounds really selfish but I am scared and don’t want to lose her. Yet, I think I may have a calling. This is so hard.

:frowning: …dxu
[/quote]

Lesson #1. You can’t ‘lose’ something you don’t have. And one never has another person.

Even the children we are blessed with ore not ours. We didn’t make them, contrary to popular belief. We were given them by God to take care of for Him. They belong to God from the moment of conception until he calls them home.

It is the same with all loved ones in our lives. God brings them to us for a reason. Only He knows what that reason is, but those relationships never belong to us. They, too, are blessings. We work at them, we respect them, we value them for the gifts that they are because we never know how long we have with these people. God calls them home. He calls them to move on to another person He wants to reach out to through them. He call them overseas to the military. He calls them to the priesthood or orders.

Recognize this woman being in your life is a gift. You do not own it, but you are priviledged to receive if for however long God plans. Do not take if for granted, and do not get so attached that you think you are in control of whether or not she stays in your life, thus forgetting God is behind every day of your life, every choice you face.


#15

I think the one thing you are missing in all of this is trust in God. I know it’s difficult when we have decisions to make, but if you decide to break up with her, and God wants you to be together, if you are truly seeking His will, He will find a way to get you back together.

If you are called to be a priest, He will lead you down that path as well.

If your girlfriend truly loves you, she will understand how important this is to you. I know because my boyfriend in college strongly considered the priesthood; we cooled it for awhile and I even considered the religious life as well. Through many circumstances and prayers, we were brought back together and have been married for 21 years.

Trust in the Lord! Let go and let God!


closed #16

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.