Uncharitable Thoughts and Actions


#1

I need your prayers! I have been struggling to remain charitable to my inhospitable aunt who makes it very difficult to stay patient around. She has said and done things that are very unkind, but above all, I believe it is my duty as a Catholic Christian to continue to be Christ to her inside and out. But I have not fulfilled my duty. I say and think things about her that are so hateful sometimes, and I asked God tonight why he placed her into my life. I got a very prompt answer. I remembered the movie, “Passion of the Christ” where Jesus was doing the Sermon on the Mount and He said,

You have heard it said you shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. For if you love only those who love you, what reward is there in that?

I felt so guilty for all of my actions and words, and I can’t apologize to God enough for the things that I should have said in charity and love, and didn’t say or do. He obviously put her there because He knew I was capable of loving her (as we all are), but He knew it would be difficult. I have been taught a very difficult, but important lesson.

Please pray for me to always be kind in my actions and words, even if she can’t hear them or witness them. God sees all, so I should be doing it for Him. :slight_smile:


#2

Oh my goodness, you could be my twin! I have very much the same difficulty with a very difficult and sometimes extremely unkind aunt. You are in my prayers; I know how you feel. Pretty much every time I go to Confession, my relationship with my aunt is Issue #1!


#3

It’s supportive to know that I am not alone in thinking this. Thank you for your prayers.


#4

Sending you a hug. :slight_smile:

Our Father, Who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come. Thy Will be done, on earth, as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread
and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us;
and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen.


#5

Praying for your intentions

Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit
of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of our death.
Amen.


#6

***CarmeliteGirl…I know, it can be incredibly hard to remain kind and at peace when someone is downright rude. A way to deal with people who are difficult like that, is to think about WHY they might be like that. The answers, if you really take a deep dive, will surprise you maybe, I know that I was able to forgive, and be a loving sister to my sister, who wasn’t always so nice…way back when…because I know that she had issues since our childhood that she never dealt with.

Not that we have to make excuses for poor behavior, your aunt should also be kinder to you…but, this can help us to at least be more understanding, and just keep being like Christ to others.

Hugs to you…praying for you on this!***


#7

May the Lord give you victory over this…May the Holy Spirit show you what you need to learn from the situation and may the LORD fill you with His agape love for her…May the Lord draw you closer as you yield your flesh over to walking in the Spirit…K

Try to view her form His compassionate eyes…This will let you focus on her hurt and give you ways to bless her…


#8

Therapy has never really been accepted by my grandparents (my aunt’s parents) and she has a lot of anger and emotions she doesn’t know how to deal with. There are days where I’ve wished I didn’t know her (as hard as that sounds) because of what I’ve had to deal with, but in the end, I think about it and most likely, dealing with her is not as hard as dealing with her issues that she has to face, day after day. I just wish I could remind myself of that when she starts in on me. Instead I think of how selfish, rotten and arrogant she is, but I pray that’s going to change. God help me! Thanks for your prayers.


#9

Jesus, You command that we love each other as You have loved us. You add that there is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for others. “Since the Father loved us so much that He sent You to be the sacrifice that takes our sins away, we too should love one another.” [John 4:10-11] “By such love, everyone will know that we are Your disciples.” “Anyone who says ‘**I love God’, and hates his brother is a liar, since a person who does not love the brother that he can see, cannot love God whom he has never seen.” **[1 letter of John 4:20-21]

It can be difficult to love others when they appear ‘troublesome’, or misjudge or reject us, or when we are weary and preoccupied! Each of us has only our personal consciousness, so that we only know our own feelings and thoughts, and may only imagine another’s. “The **depths of a person can only be known by his own spirit, not by any other person.” **[1Corinthians 2:1] So how can we truly love? “**Let us love one another, since love comes from God.” **[John 4:7] Therefore, Jesus, we may hope for God’s love in us that we may love as You have loved us.

As You have said, to live as Your disciples, as children of the Father, is impossible for humankind—but “nothing is impossible to God.” Love begins with awareness that each person is loved child of the Father. Therefore, Jesus, I pray for Your love in me for everyone You bring into my life. I forgive and bless each person who has hurt my loved ones or me. Please ensure that we forgive, however deeply others action or inaction wound us.

You have made us Your brothers and sisters; therefore, we will strive to overcome the difficulties that natural selfishness generates. We seldom must actually die as You did, for another person’s sake. Yet every day there are ways that we relinquish some preference, desire, or convenience for the need or wish of another person.

Let Your Holy Spirit carry us lovingly though these little deaths. Love requires that we do so generously, kindly and cheerfully, for reluctance or resentment is not of the love that lays down life for anyone. You wish us to love all whom You in any way entrust to our care, but You also require us to love and pray for our enemies—those who make our lives difficult and painful. Jesus, forgive us for those failures to love them truly. [Matthew. 5:44]


#10

Jesus, You say that when we do a kindness to anyone we do it for You. [Matthew 25:40]. You teach that the consequence of not living this Christ-love towards others is self-condemnation to that miserable pit where no love penetrates, for all who dwell within have ultimately rejected divine love.

You teach us that our love “is not to be mere words or mere talk, but something real and active; only by this can we be certain that we are children of the truth.” [John 3:18-19] Your apostle Paul exhorts, “Do not let your love be pretence, but sincerely prefer good to evil. Love each other as brothers should, and have a profound respect for each other…If any of the saints are in need you must share with them; and you must make hospitality your special care.” [Romans 12:9-13]

You command us to “Be compassionate as your heavenly Father is compassionate” even to the sacrifice of His beloved Son. “Do not judge others and you will not yourself be judged. Grant pardon and you will be pardoned. Give, and there will be gifts for you: a full measure.” [Luke 6:36-38]

You command us to **“Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you; in this way you will be children of your Father in heaven, for He causes the sun to rise on bad men as well as good, and His rain to fall on honest and dishonest persons alike…You must therefore be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect.” **[Matthew 5:43-48]

You reproach us with this question, “Why do you observe the splinter in your brother’s eye and never notice the plank in your own? How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take out the splinter that is in your eye’…Hypocrite! Take the plank out of your own eye first, and then you will see clearly enough to take out the splinter in your brother’s eye.” [Luke 6: 39-42]

In speaking of the Last Judgement of our souls, You respond to our bewilderment when we ask **“Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You; or thirsty and give You drink? When did we see You a stranger and make You welcome; naked and clothe You; sick or in prison and go to see You?” Jesus replies “I tell you solemnly, in so far as you did this to one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did it to me.” “In so far as you neglected to do this to one of the least, you neglected to do it to me.” **[Matthew 25:37-40, 45-46]

**“Is there a poor brother among you, one of your brothers, in any town of yours? Do not harden your heart or close your hand against that poor brother of yours, but be open-handed with him.” **[Deuteronomy 15:7-8] “Each one should give what he has decided in his own mind, not grudgingly or because he is made to, ‘for God loves a cheerful giver.’” [Proverbs 28:2] “And there is no limit to the blessings which God can send you…for yourselves…for all sorts of good works.” [2Corinthians 9:6-8] “**None of us lives for himself only.” **[Romans 14:7]

You teach us that “We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves…For Christ did not please Himself; but as it is written, ‘The reproaches of those who reproached you fell on me.’” [Romans. 15:1-3] “Malice must be banished from your tongue.” [Psalm 34:13]

You promise that if we “Cease to do evil. Learn to do good, search for justice, help the oppressed, be just to the orphan, and plead for the widow. Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow.” [Isaiah 1:17-18]
Please help us to live faithfully in love towards each other even when it is painful and difficult.


#11

‘Love others…as yourself’

Jesus when You command us to love others as ourselves, You require something more challenging than simply to “love others.” The embedded touchstone in that command is “love your self.” Help us therefore not to be uncharitable to ourselves.

Many people lack proper self-esteem, making it difficult for them to genuinely value others. However, Scripture exhorts, “value yourself at your proper worth. Who can justify a man who runs himself down, or respect a man who despises himself.” [Ecclesiasticus 10:28-29] If we do fail to love ourselves correctly, we cannot accept God’s love. Let us never imagine ourselves hidden from Your mercy: ‘“Can anyone hide in a dark corner without my seeing him?’ asks the Lord.” [Jeremiah 23-24]

The concept of rightly loving oneself in order to love others as God’s precious children may be confused with the selfishness that ruins unselfish self-love. It requires us to reject negative self-talk and responses. “If a man is mean to himself, to whom will he be good?” [Ecclesiasticus 14:3].

Growth in Christian self-love is facilitated by “filling your mind with everything that is true, everything that is noble, and everything that is pure and good” [Philippians 4:8] and serving “**in works of love.” **It is allowing the Spirit to direct your life and then “you will be in no danger of yielding to self-indulgence. What the Spirit brings is…love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, trustfulness, gentleness and self-control.” [Galatians 5:13, 16, 26, 22-23]

Jesus, help us to fittingly love ourselves. You do not wish us to disparage ourselves but to see ourselves as loved, forgiven children of God. A poor self-image may compare to our perception of ‘clouds’. To observers, clouds appear to be impressive, substantial and tangible. However, within themselves the clouds seem damp, insubstantial and misty.

Jesus, let us not belittle ourselves in comparison to others because of our personal uncertainties and inadequacies. Let us live in sincere acceptance of self, that unique gift of Your creative love. help us to see ourselves as loved children of God.

Jesus, help me to know that You really love me. Help me to love myself so that I can love You and others love others truly.


#12

Judge you, my brother (my sister)?

Our God, eternity waits for those who live the gospel to truly share in Your delight in each person. With You, we will rejoice in everyone who accepts Christ’s invitation to follow Him with prayer, penance and generosity!

How profound is the giving required by that person, and this! What happiness, what anguish is known there! What temptation is encountered! What sensitivities enfeeble or enrich and sanctify that life! How great is Your glory in the strange or ordinary facts and struggles of their existence! Yet, how can we know?

We err in applying rules of private interpretation to another’s intention or act, except as feeble measure for our compassion and charity. Only by one’s private consciousness—unless enlightened by Your Spirit of love—can each see what lies in another’s soul.

Each person is a unique expression of Your love, an individual world, some great, and some miniature, separate in existence and consciousness, yet united in You. Yet how quickly do we judge each other! We offer You our hurt and theirs in prayer for healing and forgiveness.

Let us not belittle or betray, in thought, or by gossip—the seemingly sinful, the apparently misled or foolish, the ugly, the crippled in mind or spirit. Let us celebrate their preciousness in You.

Let us no longer sin against Your sacred love and creation in anyone by our judgements however seemingly justified. Let Your Holy Spirit know and love each other person through us, with sensitivity to their emerging needs. Give us compassion for each other, however perplexed or inaccurate our perception, so that we revere each other—and ourselves—as individuals sacred to You.

Through Your Spirit, we can offer appreciation, justice and love to each other as we wait humbly on the full vision of Your meaning, purpose, and love of each person, in the final translation that follows death. Let us serve and intercede for each other person as loved child of God, in glad, trusting welcome.


#13

Prayer for understanding of others

Jesus, please open us to receive each other with love, so that we no longer betray God’s Love that re-creates us in each moment of life. Reveal to us our sins against charity, and heal us of fears and prejudices that lead to judgement of others.

How easily even the generous Christian reduces others to categories, judging them with unconscious pride and lack of empathy! How carelessly, with convincing appraisal and bias, we dismiss others in their seeming sin, error or foolishness. How often we misjudge them in their difficulties and achievements, and underestimate their intrinsic worth as persons!

Jesus, please forgive us that we presume to deal uncharitably with anyone! Each person is Your own creation lovingly spoken out of Yourself in the private language of love chosen for each alone! No matter how different from one’s own character or journey, the path and meaning of each person is treasured mystery hidden within You!

Let us share in Your love for others, rejoicing in Your image within them whether evident or not. Let us reverence our dissimilarity and their individuality. Let us be respectful and discreet in our helpfulness. Have mercy on our prayer and goodwill for them, so that we may love them with Your Love. Jesus, I am so sorry for the times I fail to love others wisely and respectfully.


#14

Loving others

Our God, through Your Spirit, please let me respond to others with Your sensitivity and compassion. Help me to listen, so that I hear both what is spoken and what it conceals of others’ needs.

Help me to recognise others’ unique personality and value. I want to present to others the gift of themselves as You create and perceive them, so that they may come to see themselves in beautiful, humble trust, as cherished gifts of Your love.

I do not wish to curtail Your blessings to others through doubt, insensitivity or selfishness. Please grant others all the graces and support that You require for them. Despite my infidelities let me be Your love, blessing and response made sacramentally present to everyone in my life, whether I understand or not!

I cannot fathom Your vision of my life and theirs, but although my heart is sometimes bleak, I honour Your love and wisdom. Please mercifully complete what You have begun, granting us grace to submit, trustingly, contritely and joyfully to Your loving creative will.

In all my prayers, contacts and dealings let Your Spirit speak and respond in me to You. Thank You, God who loves us all.


#15

Appreciating others

Jesus, I honour others for their goodness. Yet, help me to share Your compassion, respect and delight in those who seem (to themselves or others) to reflect Your face poorly. Grant me the gift of conveying to each person, the beautiful, glimpsed vision of self, as You love him or her, a fallible human with entwined faults and virtues.

One sometimes glimpses another’s discouraged self-judgement, for he fears that Your plan of salvation builds upon some unlikely ‘ideal self’. He perhaps hopes that to others, only the good is evident. He fears that were others to sense the extent of his unworthiness, they may reject him—as indeed he fears You may.

Jesus, please extend Your hand to him through those who see his efforts and who have faith in the secret, unique miracle of him. Let him know that You love him as he is, and that You plan his holiness around his actual self. You fulfil Your dream of him and serve others through his flawed personality with its abilities, gifts and virtues, along with its faults and scars.

Assure him that his efforts to live the Gospel are more precious because of his temptations and flaws, so that he is encouraged to faith and self-acceptance.

Our God let me see and share Your beautiful, unique, creative vision of each brother and sister, regardless of ‘apparent’ flaws. In my warm acceptance of him grant to each person that restoring, blossoming fruitfulness of love—which the image of him cherished and accepted as he really is—produces in the most barren and bleak heart.

1982 My brother, “Do not be afraid, you will not be put to shame.” [Isaiah 54:4]


#16

Judgement of others

Jesus, please alert us when we are tempted to judge other people. Our judgements may be based on another’s opinion, on flimsy evidence or on past observations, without full knowledge of someone’s situation and nature.

Even if others appear to blatantly sin, we cannot judge them according to Your vision. Please give us grace to extend impartiality and compassion to all others, friend, foe or stranger.

We cannot know others’ motivations or all the influences affecting them, so we have doubtless misjudged others more frequently than we realise. Give us grace to avoid unkind or scandalous gossip. Enlighten those who see a few incidents or an isolated occurrence or appearance, even from years past, and then presume to make a permanent judgement like “he always does this.” “She always is like that.” “He is that sort of person.” How unjust to judge others in this way! Even if former perceptions happen to be accurate, who can judge that any person has not advanced in wisdom or grace!

If we defend victims of misjudgement, some accusers reconsider their opinion, while others cling to prejudice. Some people believe that their subjective view of people, reality, and events is the only valid one; therefore, we cannot expect them to be open to contrary evidence or testimony. They honestly believe that their judgements are correct. They seem not to be fully responsible for the injustice of their viewpoints.

We cannot judge even these people for perhaps they suffer from personal insecurity or desire for ascendancy over others, due to immaturity or low self-esteem. Their lack of respect and compassion may be hurtful to someone we love or respect, but let us respond with Christian maturity, without besmirching their reputations. Please expand their mental and emotional maturity so that with just and empathetic understanding of others, they—and we—may make reparation for the reputation and welfare of anyone who has been maligned or misjudged.

We trust in Your love to pardon us and to greatly bless anyone we have sinned against by judgement or unkindness. Jesus, help us truly to love our sisters and brothers, whether or not we understand them. October 1999

“**Question your friend, he may have done nothing at all, and if he has done something he will not do it again. Question your neighbour, he may have said nothing at all, and if he has, he will not say it again. Question your friend, for slander is very common, do not believe all you hear. A man sometimes makes a slip, without meaning what he says; and which of us has never sinned by speech?” **[Ecclesiasticus 1913-17]

Just some of my prayers, because as you see, I’ve battled with these things too or these prayers wouldn’t have got written. I thought maybe they might say something…considering that my spirituality has a Carmelite influence.
By the way, when you read St Therese’s autobiography, you’ll see how she handled caring for a very difficult old nun! :slight_smile:
Love, Trishie


#17

This praying is going out for you and your aunt …

Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the Fruit Of Thy Womb,
Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of our death.
Amen


#18

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen. :signofcross: :gopray2:


#19

Holding you in my prayers.


#20

Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit
of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of death.

Amen.


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