Unchastity during pregnancy?


#1

Somebody I know thinks that it is okay to engage in various sexual activities but omitting intercourse after they have become pregnant. The argument goes along the lines that if a couple was open to life in all of their prior intimate moments then now that they are pregnant, the procreative nature of their sexual activites won’t make any difference, they can’t get pregnant again, and they’ve shown that they are open to life. In addition, if intercourse is extremely painful at this time they’ve argued that other sexual activities can be done instead and intercourse can be omitted.

I’m under the impression that we are not to distort the marriage act for any reason. And that unitive and procreative intercourse should always be a part of it. I think I’ve seen a similar post on “contraception while pregnant” and I think this would be similar. If anyone could post some really positive and truthful arguments that would be great. I’d really like to be able to explain why God has made things so.

Thanks!


#2

You have already hit the nail on the head, it must be centered towards procreation and unification of the husband and wife. Even if a new life cannot be created (eg pregnancy, past child bearing years, physical condition, etc) that aspect of the marital act cannot be taken away.

Again, sex takes us out of ourself and we are giving to our spouse as Christ gave Himself for his bride the Church. He held nothing back, He did mot make excuses, try to find loopholes, try to make things fit what he wanted…“No Father, can you please just have me hung on the cross with rope and not nails.” He submitted to the will of the Father, just as husbands and wives do. The will of the Father is for us to be joined in the marital act renewing our wedding vows, giving totally of ourselves in a selfless act of love to our spouse.

An act that takes the physical act sexual intercourse out has become an act that is solely about yourself, about your orgasm, about what feels good. It is devoid of that total self giving of the true marital embrace. It becomes a selfish act and not one of love. As Christopher West says, we are to give to our spouse “totally, faithfully, freely, and fruitfully.”

If sexual intercourse is painful in a certain position, they can always try different positions :thumbsup: which could add to the excitement.


#3

Ask them if they throw all morality out the window during pregnancy. Hubby could just go have sex with the neighbor woman, they could go ahead and watch some porn or MAKE some porn, and while we are at it, since sin is magically NOT sin when pregnant - - - let’s rob a bank and kill a couple of people while we are at it.


#4

Thanks for the helpful posts!


#5

Fr. Vincent Serpa
Catholic Answers Apologist Join Date: May 4, 2004
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 3,014

Re: Moral Question after Pregnant


Hi,

Morally, there is no problem so long as there are no medical problems involved.


#6

Was the question to this answer, “Is sex okay during pregnancy?” Because I cannot imagine him saying that intercourse “substitutes” are acceptable during pregnancy. :confused: Please provide a link to the thread; I’m really curious! Thanks.


#7

Good Point TB,
I take full marital relations as… well… everything. Some do not, thanks for this I must be mindfull of others and their understanding. See below.

Join Date: February 6, 2010
Posts: 1
Religion: Catholic

Must we be celibate during pregnancy?


Hi,

My wife an I are both Roman Catholic. We have been practicing NFP. We have been blessed that my wife is pregnant. My question is during the 9 months while she is pregnant are we still morally ok to have marital relations as long as it does not harm the baby? Do we need to abstain? Are we allowed to be close to each other but not have full marital relations?


#8

That’s awesome, Francis, thank you!!! :smiley:

To the OP, celibacy is definitely not required of married people during pregnancy (like Francis’ quote from Father tells us), but chastity (the proper use of our sexuality) is required of everyone. :thumbsup:


#9

My original question was not with regards to abstaining from sex during pregnancy but by replacing intercourse with other sexual acts. Thanks for the posts.


#10

There is no difference in how things are expected to operate whether the person is pregnant or not. Just as there is no difference if they are not currently fertile. To say the “rules change” when a person becomes pregnant is to reject them at any time.

There have been other threads discussing how if a couple has “proper” sex once, if they can then have oral sex (not just stimulation) later and be OK. Time or physical state are irrelevant to the situation. Sperm, as it were, should always have the same destination.

A single post will not address the issue in it’s entirety. “Holy Sex” or “The Good News About Sex and Marriage” set the proper basis by which such a discussion can be understood. I suggest you buy one of these books as a gift for the couple. Lecturing them, of course, won’t do much good. And if they are sharing such stuff with you, why are they doing that? This seems very strange indeed.


#11

It is my understanding, based on many hours of listening to folks on Catholic Answers live, that these ‘other sexual acts’ you are referring to are acceptable during any marriage; even if there is no pregnancy. I forget who the guest was, but they argued that certain sexual acts (such as oral sex) were acceptable in a marriage as long as certain conditions were met. These conditions included the couple being open to life, the act being done out of love, etc.


#12

[quote="kage_ar, post:3, topic:186054"]
Ask them if they throw all morality out the window during pregnancy. Hubby could just go have sex with the neighbor woman, they could go ahead and watch some porn or MAKE some porn, and while we are at it, since sin is magically NOT sin when pregnant - - - let's rob a bank and kill a couple of people while we are at it.

[/quote]

Since this is not the first time this has come up, it seems that people are honestly confused abut the "procreative" part if the woman is already pregnant. It seems a perfectly reasonable question, and it certainly doesn't merit a snarky answer. Simply directing the OP to a credible source of church teaching suffices.


#13

If you can find a Catholic Answers Live where they said that people could indulge in oral sex I will eat my hat.

Those guests said oral stimulation, big difference there :thumbsup:


#14

It was definitely on there. If they were differentiating between oral ‘sex’ and ‘stimulation’ they sure did not say so. I do not think that point was taken by the caller.


#15

We have to be careful to understand that “oral sex” and “oral stimulation” are very different things. The latter is allowed, the former is not.
We do not know what exact act is taking place, but we can assume it includes something other than ejaculation in the vagina since “they are already pregnant.” Any act that does not bring on orgasm of either is fine. But the rules are the same whether or not she is pregnant. I’m guessing they just don’t understand the holiness of the act and as I suggested, those books can explain it to them.


#16

Well, that falls under the same category as “if you call the IRS help line and they give you wrong information (or you misunderstand the information) you are still responsible for following the rules.”

People tend to use “oral sex” and “oral stimulation” interchangeably. They are not, but people misspeak, all the time.


#17

Confused? Oral stimulation or genital stimulation is ok, right, as long as there is no emission of sperm? Sorry to be blunt but I’m a bit confused. So mutual masturbation is ok too as long as there’s no emission? What about solo masturbation when the other spouse is not available or interested?


#18

This sounds like a bit off an overreaction.

Eamon


#19

[quote="turboEDvo, post:18, topic:186054"]
This sounds like a bit off an overreaction.

Eamon

[/quote]

Hyperbole.


#20

[quote="CountryMom27, post:17, topic:186054"]
Confused? Oral stimulation or genital stimulation is ok, right, as long as there is no emission of sperm? Sorry to be blunt but I'm a bit confused. So mutual masturbation is ok too as long as there's no emission? What about solo masturbation when the other spouse is not available or interested?

[/quote]

First question? :yup:

If you mean solo masturbation to orgasm? :tsktsk:

I don't make this stuff up. :nope:

How far is too far has always been a debate here. The Church doesn't have a "list" or a "line" to avoid. There are guidelines and concepts of what is and what is not reasonable for the marital embrace. It's all explained in TOB.

Certain, pleasurable, acts of touching, when done in a loving context are fine. But you know, for many, even intercourse can just be "mutually beneficial." ("was it good for you, too?") Any act can be "using" rather than "giving."

This is confusing because it isn't WHAT you do that's critical here. It's what's in your heart while you do it that is important. There is a factor of what is personally acceptable, too. I highly recommend that you read up on Theology of the Body to understand the difference.

It will also explain very clearly what to do and why when a spouse is not available. "Uninterested" is another subject and there have been many threads about that, too. The answer lies in TOB. My previous book suggestions can easily answer your questions.

TOB is a wonderful understanding of why we are how we are. Our bodies aren't "dirty" sometimes and "clean" at others. Only what is in our hearts is dirty or clean. It took Pope JP II 5 years at 20 min a week to define the basis of TOB. It takes many hours of study to come to a good understanding of this subject. Invest your time and money into a book or two and it will change your perspective on life and love.


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