[quote="Nate13, post:2, topic:248457"]
I have definitely been there. Took me about a year and half to pull myself out of it, and those were some dark times. To tell you truth I only completely pulled out of the rut when I met another girl who I fell in love with. It started out as a friendship and grew to point where we both knew we were called to something more thus we are dating and currently contemplating marriage (although there definitely are plenty of hurdles we have to find a way to jump over first). In other words don't give up and don't feel like you have to start dating anytime soon. Also if your having trouble thinking of her as just a "friend" and just can't wrap your head around that idea I would recommend you cut off communication so you have a chance of recovering (de-friend on facebook if necessary). I still keep the girl in my prayers and I don't deny to myself that I love her still in the sense of how I love my sister. Lastly in order to move forward I recommend working on developing your friendships and keeping yourself open to that. In my opinion all great relationships start on a premise of friendship and I know I consider my girlfriend right now to be my best-friend :D Also, talking to a priest about any guilt you still feel and getting that off your chest in the confessional may help you as well. I hope this has helped!
I do plan on going to Confession soon and asking the priest how best to discern God's will. I feel that my relationship with this girl ended very prematurely for reasons I can explain later. During most of the relationship, and even now, I have been asking God daily to be able to know and accept His will. I know that if I follow His will I will be happy. But I haven't been able to adequately discern it yet and I want nothing more than to be able to. So I'll ask the priest how I can do that the best :thumbsup:
[quote="Trishie, post:3, topic:248457"]
We are supposed to love everyone unconditionally, so yes you can.
You can be profoundly attracted to someone again again,
but perhaps right now you're too bruised to be really attracted to someone else.
"When we add “unconditional” to qualify love, we narrow the possible range of meanings considerably. If you really comprehend what constitutes a “condition”, you will find that the type of love which is truly unconditional is one with which we are not terribly familiar in our culture.
What does “conditional” mean?
Conditional – relating to conditions.
Conditions – circumstances, requirements.
So, if the presence of love relates to any particular condition (circumstance or requirement), it is not, by definition, unconditional."
"Unconditional love is a term that means to love someone regardless of the loved one's qualities or actions. The paragon of unconditional love is a mother's love for her newborn.
Unconditional love is often used to describe the love in an idealized romantic relationship. It may sometimes also be used to describe love between family members, comrades in arms and between others in highly committed relationships.
Yes, my love for this girl was very, very close to unconditional. Of course, there were still conditions as we never took vows, made promises, or anything of the sort. If I had deemed it necessary to end it I would have myself. But I was willing to overlook many, many of her faults so our love could flourish. Unfortunately. she didn't want to do the same for me :(
[quote="EasterJoy, post:4, topic:248457"]
If you mean can you have excited affection for someone, it depends on your make-up and the degree to which that affection reflected a naive view on your part of the whole enterprise. You can't get naivety back. That kind of love happens just once. Sometimes, it never happens to a person at all. If you buy the romance of that, it can be disappointing. Frankly, though, missing out on that is dodging a bullet, because naivety is an unknowing projection of the false onto someone. There is hurt in that direction.
You can think you've already met the love of your life, your soulmate of soulmates and then find that there is someone even more impossibly well-suited to you. That kind of love is unpredictable. Certainly you can think you've found your one-and-only, lose that person, and be terrifically overjoyed to find out that there is another "only" for you out there!
Fidelity, though, means that if you marry someone and promise to love them, then you honor that promise always....even if you find your "real" impossibly-well-suited "soulmate of soulmates". That kind of love is gold. Be it, look for it, pray for it. It is what marriage is founded on.
Unconditional love? That is the patience and kindness and generosity that you extend to someone that they cannot earn nor mess up. That has nothing to do with affection. It does have to do with grace, and cooperating with it. Having children often teaches it, but you don't have to be a parent to have it. It's probably why priests are called, "Father", though, because we all need it, even if we can't all do it yet.
Your first paragraph hit close to what I'm really thinking (love is a very complicated thing). I want to experience everything that comes with love again- the feelings, the ups, the downs, and all the benefits of truly loving someone, and having that love reciprocated. And I want to love this girl, not someone else (yes, call me naive...). What I would do to get her back... :sad_yes:
But- May the Lord's will be done, not mine.