Unknown brothers and sisters


#1

I had a dream one night about having a sister who died before I met her and I woke up from the dream really sad. I then was comforted to realize that it was only a dream, and I didn't need to worry about it.

Then...

A couple days ago in science class we learned that about half of all babies die prior to conception without the mother even knowing. This struck me with a pang of sadness knowing that I most likely have had brothers and sisters who I would've grown to love and that I can't meet them.

Anyway, I guess I'm just looking for some kind of help, comment, answer, etc.

Thanks.


#2

You can't DIE prior to conception. You don't even exist yet.

I think you mean that some Embryos AFTER conception don't make it for whatever reason. And the mother doesn't know it because it appears to be a normal or extra heavy period.

This is true. I wouldn't morne the loss. There are reasons for this. We don't know them all... But some of them could be that the DNA was so messed up that the quality of life would have been a horror story. God called them home. And luckily for mom and dad and any family that might have been aware of a PG, in a timely fashion that it's not gut wrenching for them.

If they exist, I suppose we will get to know them in the afterlife... I'd spend quality time with those you've actually got the opportunity to MEET... so that you don't regret lost time that you actually had...


#3

[quote="McatholicN, post:1, topic:222094"]
I had a dream one night about having a sister who died before I met her and I woke up from the dream really sad. I then was comforted to realize that it was only a dream, and I didn't need to worry about it.

Then...

A couple days ago in science class we learned that about half of all babies die prior to conception without the mother even knowing. This struck me with a pang of sadness knowing that I most likely have had brothers and sisters who I would've grown to love and that I can't meet them.

Anyway, I guess I'm just looking for some kind of help, comment, answer, etc.

Thanks.

[/quote]

I wonder if they possibly should have said "implantation" (in the uterus) rather than "conception"?:shrug: I'd have to look it up to know if my hunch is correct.

But your post interests me primarily for a different reason. I am an only child and whenever I learned about miscarriages and the sort of thing you mention, I wonder if I might have a sibling in Heaven whom I'll get to meet. Of course, then the sadness I feel here on Earth for not having a sibling will no longer matter, but nonetheless the question definitely is close to my heart.

:grouphug: I also remind myself that we're all brothers and sisters in Christ. :)


#4

I understand where you're coming from, OP. My mother had a miscarriage at about 12 weeks shortly after my parents adopted me. My mum had been very ill and so the doctors think there was nothign particularly wrong with baby, it was just my mum wasn't able to maintain the pregnancy. We've always considered this baby a boy, and part of the family, even with a name. I guess it helped my mum to greive, she's still a bit sad about it almost 30 years later.

But I do wonder about it, becasue chances are good if that baby had survived my younger sister might not have been adopted into our family and I would have never known her.

Its like anything in life that involves death, there are lots of questions and "what ifs" and its usually best to greive as you feel you need to and try and get beyond those "what ifs" questions, because all they seem to do is lead you to drown in wonders that really have no basis in reality.

I will meet my brother in Heaven and we will know each other then. I'm sure he watches over the family and prays for us, but really, thinkign about it beyond those interventions really will just mess you up in the head a bit.


#5

[quote="vera_dicere, post:4, topic:222094"]
I understand where you're coming from, OP. My mother had a miscarriage at about 12 weeks shortly after my parents adopted me. My mum had been very ill and so the doctors think there was nothign particularly wrong with baby, it was just my mum wasn't able to maintain the pregnancy. We've always considered this baby a boy, and part of the family, even with a name. I guess it helped my mum to greive, she's still a bit sad about it almost 30 years later.

But I do wonder about it, becasue chances are good if that baby had survived my younger sister might not have been adopted into our family and I would have never known her.

Its like anything in life that involves death, there are lots of questions and "what ifs" and its usually best to greive as you feel you need to and try and get beyond those "what ifs" questions, because all they seem to do is lead you to drown in wonders that really have no basis in reality.

I will meet my brother in Heaven and we will know each other then. I'm sure he watches over the family and prays for us, but really, thinkign about it beyond those interventions really will just mess you up in the head a bit.

[/quote]

I think the danger from that is minimal, unless you're an extremely obsessive person or something else is bothering you. As far as the "possible siblings," I find it a comforting thought, but like I said, once I get to Heaven, however things turn out with that won't matter as much as it seems to down here.;)

Yes, we can get to speculating on lots of things - like, if my grandma's first husband hadn't died in the 1918 Spanish Flu epidemic, likely she wouldn't have married my grandma, had my mom, and I wouldn't be here either. This is the sort of thing that writers of time travel stories find intriguing. But those kinds of stories are difficult to plot - my hat's off :tiphat: to a writer who can make the storyline work! Makes a fascinating book or movie when they can.:popcorn:


#6

[quote="McatholicN, post:1, topic:222094"]
I had a dream one night about having a sister who died before I met her and I woke up from the dream really sad. I then was comforted to realize that it was only a dream, and I didn't need to worry about it.

Then...

A couple days ago in science class we learned that about half of all babies die prior to conception without the mother even knowing. This struck me with a pang of sadness knowing that I most likely have had brothers and sisters who I would've grown to love and that I can't meet them.

Anyway, I guess I'm just looking for some kind of help, comment, answer, etc.

Thanks.

[/quote]

I think you might want to focus on the dream rather than the realism of losing brothers and sisters. the idea that you had potential siblings that you didn't get to know is a loss, even if it does not reflect literal truth. and dreams can be really powerful and they don't always follow every day logic - in fact they usually don't. a dream of losing a sister you never knew sounds upsetting and may relate to some other loss/loneliness. I had a dream once that my sister died and there was no logic to it b/c she was fine but it reflected other deaths I was dealing with at the time.


#7

That's a good point, too. Dreams of someone's death can reflect other things. I had dreams of my parents' deaths long before they happened - these seemed like my mind's way of grieving ahead of time.

I even dreamt once that a friend, I'll call her "Gladys," had died, and I was so scared I called to make sure it wasn't true. Looking back, I see one possible explanation - I had to end the friendship with "Gladys" because it was toxic and emotional blackmail was being used against me. Maybe I knew that the friendship was not meant to be, before I was ready to admit it in real life and take the necessary steps. Who knows.:shrug:

To the OP - did the dream and the finding out what you found out in class happen close together? Or did the information presented in class remind you of the dream which had happened a long time ago?


#8

I sometimes wonder about similar things, namely that I have or will have children that are miscarried so early that I never knew they were concieved. The month before I got pregnant with the baby I'm carrying now, I had a period that was 4 or 5 days late. Because my periods are like clockwork it had never been that late in my entire life and I am curious whether it was just an anomaly or whether it was a miscarriage of a baby that just didn't survive.
But, I spend so much time worrying about the baby I know exists that I haven't spent much time worrying about the ones that may not. :o

It may be true that you have siblings and I have children that we will not meet until we get to Heaven. I think it is something we should spend our energy looking forward to rather than worrying about. Worrying about and mourning over loved ones who died before you knew them can suck the joy out of life if you let it go to far. I'm sure your siblings would not want that to happen, if you have them.


#9

One good thing in thinking about this is that it is a very pro-life way of thinking, contemplating that the unborn are real living human beings. We may not know if there were siblings we never knew about, or a mother may wonder if she has other children besides the ones she's conscious of having carried, whether or not to term. But at least it gets us away from the mindset of hushing up miscarriages. Nowadays they even have memorial Masses and support for those who've had miscarriages - and there's Project Rachel for post-abortion healing. I think it's a great trend.:thumbsup:


#10

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.