Unmarried and Living In Sin?


#1

Our daughter was married to an abusive man who she left and devorced several years ago. This was not a Catholic marriage even though our daughter was raised Catholic. The man killed himself a few years after the devorce was final.

Our daughter returned to being a devout Catholic. A man she that she met, loved and left prior to her marriage found her after 15 years of being apart. He asked her to move in with him and see if they could plan their lives together and marry when they were sure it would last. She did so and fell in love again.

She recently experienced a serious jealousy problem with one of her mates ex-girlfriends. She went to a priest to seek help for her problem and was told that she is living sin and cannot receive communion until she moves out. This made a bad thing worse.

Now she feels like everyone is out to destroy her, including the Catholic church. How can we help her? She is so very sad. She lives 2,000 miles away from us.

Her Father


#2

An excellent website about Christian dating, courtship and how to live as single Christian is www.godofdesire.com

It is written by Dave Sloan, who also writes for www.Godspy.com and has been on EWTN tv a few times.

His theology is orthodox and he is a convert. I met him when he visited my city, he is a great guy.

Godspy is a good online magazine for Catholics, especially young Catholics.

I don’t know what you can do other than gently try to introduce her to Church teachings and resources which can persuade her that co-habitation is wrong.

Perhaps reminding yourself that your first obligation is to Christ will help you discern how much advice is too much and how much is required that you do your xian duty.

Good luck with that but don’t get too down about it. Children, like all of us have free will. You can raise them right, but the world can get to the best taught children.

Do not get depressed about it, just be happy that Jesus is using you to help her and others. God wants us to be happy even in the face of these things, with the right intellectualizing of what is right, and what must be done, we can be sufficiently dispassionate to let others sin and do what we can when we can and leave it at that.

Perhaps your parish priest can help too. They have more pastoral experience with others souls than lay persons do. They are trained for it.
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#3

Dear Skipper,

At this point all you can do is prayer for her. She is an adult and makes her own decisions. I reciently counseled a young lady who was living with her boyfriend and received the same response.
Her response was that she could not live with all the restrictions of the church. Too bad. We tell them the rules and if they do not want to follow, it’s their own fault.
Dad, father to father, you have to let go. I know it’s hard and it’s painful when you see them in pain, but sometimes you have to let them scrape their knees and bloody their noses. Out jog (now) is to help them get back up when they fall.

I’ll be praying for you,


#4

There’s also this website:

www.theologyofthebody.net

It offers videos from Dave Sloan, Christopher West, etc. Some of the material is geared towards young adults, and some of it is geared towards adults. All of it is based upon JPII’s Theology of the Body.

The EWTN website has Chastity links, too.

Peace and Prayers


#5

Great advice from all of you…thanks for the input…our forums thrive because of good members like yourselves who help others and perpetuate the “faith” around here! God bless you all!


#6

The sad thing here is that everyone giving her advice is expressing their love for her but she does not recognize it. She is experienceing ‘tough love’. I went through somewhat the same thing from my twin brother. When I was living in mortal sin, I fought him tooth and nail and said some things I pray God has forgiven me for. That was 1992-1994.

In July 1997, I returned going back to Church, but I was still living in mortal sin.

It wasn’t until Aug 2001, that I made every attempt with God’s grace to braak away from my particular mortal sin.

Basically it took me about 10 years to recognize the problem and let God work His grace on me. As for your daughter, this timetable may be shorter or longer but be persistant in prayer and simply JUST LOVE HER. You have heard the phrase said many times by St. Francis Assisi: “Preach the Gospel and when you need to, use words.” That applies here to in this situation.

The tough part for you is to see your daughter live like this and you are suffering from this pain. Offer up this suffering to our Lord as prayer, as well, so that He can work His grace on your daughter. I.E. The prodigal daughter returns to her senses and ‘returns home’.

Go with God, my fellow Ohioian!'
Edwin


#7

Hi Everyone,
Am I to believe that living in a de-facto relationship is a ‘mortal sin’?
For what ever reason 2 people are not legally married does it mean that God loves them any less? or that they can’t love and honour God in every way?. If two people are committed to each other in every way why would others cast stones?:confused:
Chelle


#8

[quote=Chelle]Hi Everyone,
Am I to believe that living in a de-facto relationship is a ‘mortal sin’?
For what ever reason 2 people are not legally married does it mean that God loves them any less? or that they can’t love and honour God in every way?. If two people are committed to each other in every way why would others cast stones?:confused:
Chelle
[/quote]

God never loves us any less, but when we sin we turn away from him and therefore are not open to the love He offers. Your profile states that you are Catholic-- do you not know that the Church views living together as a rejection of the sacredness and sacramental grace of marriage? Instead of welcoming God’s blessing into the then sanctified union of marriage, you are choosing some sort of quasi-union that is apart from Him? It seems that in actuality you are committed to each other in every way but the most committed way.

Of course you can still love and honour God. None of us imperfect and finite humans can love him in every way whether we are married or not; and we always sin in one way or another. I often have a hard time discerning what God wants of me because He is never so unmerciful that He refuses to grace even my mistakes. But in spite of the grace that He gives his sinning pleading children who are going down the wrong road; ultimately the sin and the sinning will determine the final outcome because it ultimately rejects God.

The more you know the more culpable you are.

The less culpable you are, the less your actions are knowingly rejecting God. God still and always tries to lead you down the right road, and gives graces towards that end. Don’t confuse that grace as God giving his blessing for the current sinful situation. And even if you don’t know you are sinning, the sin causes harm.

Peace.


#9

[quote=Chelle]Hi Everyone,
Am I to believe that living in a de-facto relationship is a ‘mortal sin’?
For what ever reason 2 people are not legally married does it mean that God loves them any less? or that they can’t love and honour God in every way?. If two people are committed to each other in every way why would others cast stones?:confused:
Chelle
[/quote]

Chelle

Most of these people don’t have a clue as to what being Christian means.


#10

Hi Chelle

I think what we have here is confusion between ‘judging’ and ‘admonishing the sinner’.

Only God is allowed to judge. Only he can say what is truly in our hearts, and whether or not we are fit for heaven.

HOWEVER…

We as Christians are called to admonish each other when we sin. Period. That is in the bible. All you confirmed Catholics would (or should) know it as one of the Spiritual Works of Mercy.

Yes, we all sin. But we are still supposed to correct each other, in love, when we see error. As a sinner, I should expect to be corrected, just as i may correct someone else.

And sex outside of marriage (fornication in scriptural terms) is a sin.

So we are justified in reminding someone…and the Church is justified in refusing sacraments to a person in deliberate and persistent sin.

Jaye


#11

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