Unmarried Couple living in a group house?


#1

If an unmarried couple are living together in a group house where everyone does mission work, not sharing a room or doing anything only married couples should do, will this have the same negative consequences as cohabiting? A priest said its not the same but I would still like to hear feedback about this. I am especially wondering if it could result in the same difficulties that arise when couples cohabit and then just sort of fall into marriage and it's no different than before and it's out of inertia rather than a real decision. Just curious and cautious here. Let me know what you think.


#2

[quote="erine, post:1, topic:242311"]
If an unmarried couple are living together in a group house where everyone does mission work, not sharing a room or doing anything only married couples should do, will this have the same negative consequences as cohabiting? A priest said its not the same but I would still like to hear feedback about this. I am especially wondering if it could result in the same difficulties that arise when couples cohabit and then just sort of fall into marriage and it's no different than before and it's out of inertia rather than a real decision. Just curious and cautious here. Let me know what you think.

[/quote]

If they aren't sharing rooms with the opposite sex or sleeping together where would be the harm?


#3

In a mission situation, men and women in separate living quarters. If this just **truly **isn't possible, then they should have separate sleeping areas and perhaps common cooking and recreation areas. Privacy and modesty should be maintained

In such a case, no the couple isn't cohabiting any more than living in the same college dorm is cohabiting.

Such a situation is temporary. I don't see how it is analogous to cohabitation situations.


#4

Luvztotravel, m not sure, just the only concern would be if it somehow made it harder to be objective about the future of the relationship because they were already living in the same house, the risk of “falling into” marriage out of convenience the way cohabiting can cause. Also, would it ruin the specialness of living together after marriage?

I’m probably being uptight I just am curious. Cohabiting causes problems even if the couple is not having sexual relations. Of course this is a far cry from an unmarried couple “playing house” and living on their own, but I still want to make sure. It’s mostly hypothetical right now :slight_smile:


#5

[quote="1ke, post:3, topic:242311"]
In a mission situation, men and women in separate living quarters. If this just **truly **isn't possible, then they should have separate sleeping areas and perhaps common cooking and recreation areas. Privacy and modesty should be maintained

In such a case, no the couple isn't cohabiting any more than living in the same college dorm is cohabiting.

Such a situation is temporary. I don't see how it is analogous to cohabitation situations.

[/quote]

Thank you. Assuming it would be for a long period of time, at least months or more, not just weeks, would you say this still applies?


#6

I know a lovely young Catholic couple who volunteered for two years with a Catholic organization, living in the same “group house.” It never crossed my mind that there was anything untoward or wrong with this…because there wasn’t.

Living in a group home, even if seeing each other on a daily basis, is in no way like cohabitating in the usual sense, nor is it remotely like being married.


#7

Thank you this feedback is helping me. I realized I was also thinking in terms of what if they were in the house, hypothetically got engaged & married while living there, and then continued living there as a married couple for a while after. I guess that's why I was worried bc it would be so similar, living in the same house before & after, albeit in different states. but I think what I am getting from all this feedback is there is nothing to worry about in this situation.


#8

There are several group houses like this in the Washington DC area. Not all the mission work is Catholic, but the arrangements are pretty much the same in the ones I know of.

First, sleeping arrangements are separated. In one house, the women share bedrooms upstairs (4 women 2 rooms) and the men sleep downstairs. Then, due to commitments of the work they do, they are often out at meal times or have others in for meals. It seems like evening prayer is the only time they are all there.

I suppose that a truly determined couple could find a way to be inappropriately intimate with each other even under these circumstances. But I think a couple like that wouldn't be living in a religious group house to begin with.


#9

Are you both going to be accountable to someone of the same gender? If you should be tempted to spend time together out of sight of others, I think you should set up an accountability partner who can help you just in case. Are any other friends going with you?

Good for you both for going on a mission trip!

:thumbsup:


#10

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