Unrequited love

Hi everyone,

I met a girl about three years ago (when I was 17), we are very good friends, and over time I have begun to love her more and more… in a more “romantic” way (in the word’s most popular-culturish sense). Yet, things don’t look very good… first she’s not a Christian, second she’s obviously not interested. I am divided… I don’t really know what to do… I can’t have her, but I can’t let her go either! I’m confused, and it hurts deep inside.

I don’t feel as depressed as this always, but now that I am at home all day, preparing for my exams, I think a lot and dream a lot more than usually.

But even in my most unselfish moments, when I don’t care if she will be mine as long as she’s happy, it still hurts that she does not belong to Christ… I want her to spend eternity with him, and it doesn’t even feel like my eternity would be much fun if she isn’t there also (though I know intellectually that it is not so).

gah why does roses always come with thorns!? :frowning:

Can you just pray for both of us?


yay! You’re looking outside of yourself. :thumbsup:

There is a role for unrequited love in our lives. It’s a lesson. An important one. You are learning about yourself and what you are capable of. You are learning to think of another. You are learning to want the good for her. These are good lessons. Not thorns.

And you can unite yourself to Christ, the ultimate example of Unrequited Love, hanging on the Cross, dying for Love and being spit upon and mocked and ignored.

And he did it even when it wasn’t returned.

Now you get it. And so young to be learning it!

So what do you do with that? Now that you know you are capable of deep feeling for a beautiful girl, and you want her to have the same love of the Church you do, you pray for her. But you realize she might just be training wheels for your heart. She may not be the woman God has planned for you. She may just be the one that makes you realize your capacity for truly unselfish love.

Perfect love is returned. And it doesn’t have to be forced. And when you are loved back as you love, it is wonderful. Wait for that.

Pray for her conversion. Your happiness in eternity won’t depend on her presence. It will only depend on God’s presence. And pray now for the woman God intends for you. And ask Him to protect her. And ask Him to guide you to her so you will recognize her.

And don’t ever lose that capacity to love someone and want the best for her soul. That will make you a wonderful husband to someone someday. :slight_smile:

I remember my early loves. I still think about those people, though nothing came of it. I still pray for them. And I still smile when I remember them. No thorns. Just roses.

I’m praying for the both of you…

[LEFT]Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee, Blessed art Thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death.

You are both in my prayers.

I will keep you both in my prayers, I will also pray that your heart is healed. We have all been where you are and I know the pain you are going through. Know you are not alone my friend. You have our prayers.

I will offer up both of you in my holy hour today.

Praise God that you are more concerned about others than yourself.

Lord I ask that this young man and his girlfriend are in your hands . Lord bring her heart closer to you dear lord . Keep this young man and this girlfriend as friends and if it be your will let it flourish into a true mutual love based in caring , trust and respect . If not let them be friends and bring someone special into his life . Thank you Father , in Jesus’s name , amen . / John

Thanks you all for your prayers…

Liberanosamalo, thank you so much for your reply. I almost cried when I read it :blush:

  • CB


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Yep, I also think God puts people in our path so that we can pray for them.

I also look back on some early loves and pray that we will meet again in heaven and be reunited as God intended. It’s possible that your prayers will help get others to heaven.

Praying for you and your heart to be healed by God’s love.

May you come to know God’s plan for you and trust in his plan.

The one who is meant for you will one day be revealed if that is the plan. Be open to meeting others and continue to pray for your friend’s happiness as well as your own - wherever it may be.

my friend i kow exaclty how you feel though im young ive actually had the same exact thing happen to me earlier this year. i was starting to hang out more with an old friend of mine (also not christian) and felt my self getting more and more attached. but the thignw as she had a boy firned already. just pray and know that god has his plans for all of us. if it is menat o be then it will happen if not then realize that its His will be done not ours. “i shall trust in the lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understandings” proverb3:5 just know god has a plan all you have to do is tust in that plan. i pray for you as i prayed for myself in this instance.

I can understand that not being loved back does not affect our salvation, but i find the argument of being showed how much we can love by unrequited love hardly comforting.
I cannot see any argument that involves any comfort during this life as a good reason for unrequited love. Not having one’s love cannot be put in balance with any lesson. Not having one’s love is the greatest loss we can experience in this world.
After all we do not love people for the exercise of it, but real, specific people. The only reason i can accept mentally, although it is difficult to assume body and soul, is that the only love we should seek is God’s love and look for comfort only in the other world terms.

Praying very hard for you.

***† JMJTJ †

Your intentions will be in my prayers.*

Eternal God, in whom mercy is endless and the treasury of compassion inexhaustible, look kindly upon us, and increase Your mercy in us, so that in difficult moments we might not despair, nor become despondent, but with great confidence, submit ourselves to Your Holy Will, which is Love and Mercy itself. Amen

***God bless you † ***

Praying that God’s will be done in your lives.

God must love her very much to ‘appoint’ you to pray for her soul! If there is no earthly future with this girl who atracts you, the grace of your prayers go her journey. only God knows when she will find Him…even if in the last moments of life. St Teresa of Avila/Jesus said that we forget to pray for people if not given the grace to pray for them, but this girl has your prayers forever. It does sound as if the attraction is one-sided, which happens…but I pray for your future happiness and peace…and say ‘amen’ to your prayers for this girl.

May God bless you in everything! :slight_smile: Trishie

Praying for you to find and accept what is best for the two of you…

Hi all,
I read somewhere that God teaches you the right way to have affection in the hardest way because you need to be strong about what affection is toward him.
In unrequited love I think now that it’s about this lesson.
I think after being unrequited for 5 years that when the man in question said no everytime or I missed his hand that God needed me to know him every time perhaps?

I did my best I hope to be ‘the one’ for this man but maybe my affection and love is meant for God away from any man right now.

I know my idea of freedom isn’t mine either and that God showed me that too.
I listened and I’ll always understand.

Affection is something I find very hard to deny.
I needed to join here to say this perhaps once and I hope it adds something to this discussion because so far I’ve not found another forum that’s talking about it as a Catholic.

God Bless you all on your journey to God.
I know the lessons we learn are all worthwhile.



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