Unsure what to do...

My husband has been friends with one of his good buddies and his wife for awhile. Prior to us moving to our current location, I moved first to get our children settled in school and while my husband stayed back for about a month to finish packing and paper work that needed to be filled out prior to him leaving. I have had indirect issues with his buddies wife. She has given unsolicited opinions about parenting and marriage. Yesterday was her son’s birthday and my husband sent her a text message to wish him “Happy Birthday.” It went beyond that, it turned into a conversation about “day to day” things. In addition, they text each other from time to time. To be honest, I did not like it at all. I simply don’t like her.

If u don’t like the woman, deal with her on a couples level–both you and your husband, addressing both her and her husband…

That’s what you can tell your husband…he should not deal with her without your involvement if it makes you uncomfortable.

I think it is reasonable for spouses to not engage in this kind of texting, although in most cases it probably would not “mean” anything besides basic human courtesy and friendliness. But your husband has to know that, and you haven’t mentioned anything about telling him that it bugs you. So that would be your first step.

While awkward, the woman might be attempting to be friendly with you, too. I know sometimes I can be prone to giving advice when people share problems, because I think that’s what they’re after, when really they just want to vent. “I’m so tired lately, Bobby’s having nightmares again and keeping us up all night.” “Oh, we tried warm milk before bed when Susie had that and it seemed to help her.” It doesn’t necessarily mean that she thinks you’re a bad mother or wife. If you don’t want the advice, give short, non-committal responses when she offers it, and if you have been confiding problems with her and that’s when the advice comes in, quit doing that. Complaining often creeps into conversation as a “filler,” so if that’s a habit you have I’d work on that to stop the unsolicited advice. If it continues, especially if it comes out of nowhere, you can be a bit firmer, “Thanks, but I think I’ll figure this out on my own.” And then make yourself scarce when she’s around.

I guess based on what you’ve written here, and the other issues you’ve written about in the past, I would lean towards giving others the benefit of the doubt at least for now, and working on how to communicate your wishes clearly and respectfully.

I don’t know… I mean, was he friends with her before your marriage? Because I wouldn’t worry if my husband was talking to girls we used to know from school (we went to high school together). I certainly will occasionally exchange messages with male friends from school and uni. For me it would have been strange to suddenly cut contact with friends of the opposite sex as soon as I married. However it would not be very regular, once every few weeks at most.

I guess it depends on a lot of things. But it isn’t inherently a bad thing IMO.

Hmmm, this may have been the equivalent of chatting with someone on the phone when they call for your spouse? Maybe you husband could cc you when he “chats” with her and you’d feel more comfortable?

I personally think texting another woman about “day to day” things is inappropriate.
She should be talking to her OWN husband about “day to day” things. A simple Happy Birthday text is fine but texting frequently to a member of the opposite sex is not.



:o I had not noticed that they text from time to time as well. With my best friend, yes, sometimes they chat online for a few lines, once every few months about a shared interest.

But with a woman who is critical of me? How is her marriage? Because to me that is a problem.

That’s what I would do.

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