Unsure


#1

Hi,

I dont know what to do…

My ex girlfriend called me to tell me she is pregnant, but I dont know if it is okay to have an abortion or not.

We are not togther anymore, we used contreception so I dont know how it happened. She is from Australia and is going back there next year and cannot stay here in London and I cannot be over there for more than a year. Im only 21 and she is 24 and we are no way at all in the slightest ready or capable to have a child, especially as neither of us can stay in one place together without getting married, which is not going to happen as we are not togther.

I dont know what to do…any help would be appreciated…

Thanks,

Ben


#2

If she has an abortion you will both regret it for the rest of your lives. I speak from years of experience counseling couples in the same situation you are now in.

God promises he has a plan for all of us. For children that plan starts with a loving Mother and Father. For a couple that plan includes a family. You and your girlfriend have the unique opportunity to help complete Gods plan for an infertile couple and your child… I STRONGLY recommend you and girlfriend start looking into placing your child for adoption. You can turn a time of stress and apprehension into a lifetime of joy for you unborn child and a couple you have not even met yet!

You, your girlfriend and your child are in my prayers.


#3

An abortion is never, never, never OK. It is the killing of your unborn child. I am sure there are Catholic groups in England that would be eager to help you both. Please don’t make a decision that would end the life of your baby and haunt you the rest of your lives. I am the mother of an adopted child and also of one I was advised by some to abort. You will not be scorned,vilified, or yelled at. Get some real help, not what might present itself as a quick fix to put it all back the way things were. Things will never be the way they were, no matter what. God can use even our mistakes and sins to help us if we let him.


#4

i agree! good luck and gods speed!


#5

I can’t add too much, except my prayers and the following thoughts:

I come from a large family. We certainly had plenty of financial and other struggles, but not once have my parents or I ever thought it would have been better for anyone for any of us not to have been born :bigyikes:

Adoption is a good option to look at.


#6

I second the recommendation!!! :smiley: You have the opportunity to bless a childless couple with a baby that they want and can take care of and can give lots of love to.


#7

My God! Don’t have an abortion! When I was 19, ready to go into the Marine Corps when my then girlfriend told me she was pregnant. We were having problems with our relationship and I was ready to breakup with her when this happened. I left it up to her to do what she wanted. Being Catholic she wanted to have the baby. So I told her she had to come with me or I would not be in thier lives ( because her parents hated me). We lived in my parents basement for a few months til I found a place to rent. Life was not easy. Now we have been together for 18 years and I love her immensly. We have four children and we own a house with land. She held my hand for months when I was sick with cancer a few years ago. She has been a stay at home mom and working on a degree. She has been my light in my darkest times. Her prayers brought me to Christ! I would have never known Gods love if it wasn’t for that first leap of faith. Forget the past, pray on this, and do what your heart tells you. Don’t worry about your future. God planned your future before you where born and He will provide for you if you ask Him. Nothing in life is easy. My oldest boy is a sophmore in high school now. He is starting to face life descisions as a man. I could not even imagine how empty my life would be if my wife had an abortion all those years ago. Give it your all. Your in my prayers, Tim


#8

Thanks everyone, I couldnt adopt my child, neither could she. The main problem is her having to go back to Australia and me having to stay in London. The law should change, its ridiculous, we would be forced apart from the child.

We’ll just have to work something out…

Thanks again,

Ben


#9

Ben, If you couldn’t adopt the child… Killing it should be even farthre out of the question. And Abortion is really killing the child. Don’t let the media convince you otherwise. I will pray for you and your ex-GF and the child. Trust in God and He can help you.


#10

I have recieved emails from catholics from this site within minutes and all of your posts have made me feel a lot better about having a child. I was very worried but now I feel I can do this. I can be a father. Having a child is a wonderful beautiful thing…

I am also very new to religion, my family are not religious at all. It was my ex girlfriend who introduced me to religion and I want to learn more as it has opened my eyes to so much and I want to be a better person. I feel a lot more love in me, and for other people.

Thank you everyone.

God bless.


#11

Ben:

You need to think that through. Killing your child is preferable to placing it for adoption? Ben how does that make sense?

I know that is the initial reaction most couples in your situation have but please give some prayerful consideration to just what your options are. You and your girlfriend should take the abortion option off the table and proceed with what is best for your child-not what is best for you and your girlfriend.


#12

one alternative to either you or the mother raising the child as a single parent is to put the baby up for adoption. A childless couple somewhere will bless you forever for giving them this precious gift.


#13

Hi unsure,
Here in the UK you can text for advice, LIFE, a pro-life charity , on 07786 200330, I’m sure they will welcome expectant Dads too.


#14

Also check out preghelp.org.uk/
for information/advice.

If you want to know how an abortion will affect you, call BVA, (British Victims of Abortion) helpline between 7and 10 pm, although this is post-abortion counselling, all the counsellors have had an abortion in the past, and truly regreted it, so their advice/stories might be helpful.
0845 603 8501

I was in a similar position myself, pregnant at 17 with no job or money or anything, (nor did he), but things change, and there is nothing like looking in to the eyes of your child to galvanise you into action. I now have a delightful 9 year old daughter.


#15

Unsure,

You are in my prayers :). As an adopted child myself, who’s mother was only 17 and father was not present at my birth, I can say that being adopted has been the best gift my mother could have ever given me! If you and your ex girlfriend should choose this, you will not regret this decision. It is like Christ giving his life for us! I was adopted into a loving, Catholic family and have five younger siblings. I am now married and am expecting myself and thank my birthmother and God everyday for the gift of life! :slight_smile: God bless!


#16

Thank you for sharing. I like to share stories like yours with couples i counsel who are considering abortion.


#17

I am sorry about your situation due to the seperation between you and the mother…

Adoption is a wonderful beautiful choice that will allow God’s grace to work through you, the child, and the adoptive family… how wonderful is that!?!

You’ll be in my prayers…


#18

Eek - sounds like a messy situation. Since you say that you used contraception…Have you thought about having a paternity test done in order to establish if you are indeed the father? Does anyone know if that can that be done prenatally?

Jess


#19

Contraception is far from perfect. I know women who conceived using every contraceptive known, including having their tubes tied.


#20

Yes, I know that - I , too, know women who have gotten pregnant while on birth control. However, I tend to be of a suspicious mind whenever I hear of an ex claiming to be pregnant. Too often I’ve seen it as nothing more than a) a ploy to get their ex back b) hose them over financially or c) simply using “pregnancy” as a way to deeply wound their ex.

Cynical? Darn tootin.

Jess


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