What to do when unwanted bad thoughts or “bargains” pop into your head? I know it’s irrational, but I feel like God will punish me anyway if I don’t follow through. For example, I sometimes have a cigarette and relax at night when all my work is done. I know it’s obviously not the thing to do. I will have the thought that it is bad and if I do this, something really bad will happen like my son will not belong to God anymore. It’s a horrible thought and just comes out or nowhere! But I become really paranoid that if I do this, the consequences will REALLY happen. Usually I am not like this but I have 2 or 3 times a year when these kinds of thoughts kind of intensify and they make me anxious and feel horrible - and I can’t get them out of my head. I also once had a thought pop into my head that if I ever bought another piece of jewelry I would go to Hell. I mean, it sounds ridiculous but I can’t control the thought and once I’ve had it, I feel trapped and bound to it even thought my first words after that was please don’t hold me accountable to that - I didn’t mean to think that!
So I guess I just need some reassurance that you can’t make these kinds of “bargains” and I am just being paranoid so I can relax. I tell myself God wouldn’t take your sin and put it on someone else and that I’m being ridiculous but I just can’t get rid of the anxiety. I tell myself, do you really think God would send you to hell for buying earrings??? A monk once told me to just say a prayer to God when this happens.