Dear CAF members,
Goal: Achieve a better understanding by taking in perspectives from many people.
I am in a very serious relationship with my girl-friend since 1.5 years and she is 5 months pregnant. The pregnancy, while "unplanned", made us both happy. We are both adults in our 30s, self-reliant not living with our parents since a long time. Yes, the relationship was short so far, but we are dealing here with facts not with planning ;-)
I have no religion but I do rely on a strong set of principles. She is a non-practising catholic from a very religious family. While she told her family about her pregnancy, she did not tell them about me. Apart from one sister and one brother, no one in her family knows anything about me at all. The main problem of course is we are not married and not only had pre-marriage serious relationship but even now are going to have a baby. Her parents do not give her too much heat for this because she actually has a very weak heart and they understand the stress might be difficult to handle for her.
I would like to support her in any way I can within my hardly anchored principles. For example, I am willing to marry her (in church if we found a very open Priest) if it helps her deal with her parents but she says I would need to become catholic. One of my basic principles is respect for other peoples faith/religion. So I am not ready to lie to churches only to make her parents accept me. If I believe and become a catholic it would only be through me becoming a believer.. not through lieing.
Being very pragmatic, the only solution I can imagine to make everyone happy would be for me to meet her family and learn to know them as well as let them learn to know me. According to my girl friend, letting her parents know that she is still with me and that I want to take care of her, that I love her and she loves me would be unacceptable to her parents.
This is where I would highly appreciate different perspectives. Right now my mind can not process the idea that it is better for her to pretend the child has no father willing to take care of him and his mother rather than the child having a caring father that is not catholic.
Can you please share your perspective with me? You do not need to convince me you are right. This means you can also just describe how you feel about it rather than trying to explain it logically if it does not seem possible to explain. Let me just pick your brain and let it be explanations or emotions. I am not looking for ways to convince her either. I have the same concern than her family about her health problems and do not wish to over stress her. All I would like is help for me to understand better and sleep more peacefully (because with your help I understood). Without the understanding many crazy ugly ideas come through my mind as to why she might want to hide my existence.
I will also note that most of her family might want to actually kill me (and master many martial arts) if they did know I exist, but I do not believe it is a solution to live in fear.
Thousand thanks in advance!