Unwed Pregnant Friend


#1

Hello. As the title suggests, I may have an unwed, pregnant friend. I do not know what to tell her. I want to tell her that she should marry the father of the child, but the problem is that I believe this marriage would end in a divorce.

Why should the child be born in wedlock as opposed to out of it? The sin has already been committed, the baby is simply a consequence, so I don’t know what advice I should give her.

For the record, she has only been with this guy for about a month and she is very sexually active. The guy is a highschool drop out with no motivation to better himself in life. Not even hold a job. He also has been in and out of prison.


#2

I suggest that you encourage her to make an appointment with Catholic Charities in your diocese (or a solidly pro-life crisis pregnancy center in your local area) to receive counseling. They can help her and the baby’s father make a plan that is best for the baby, whether that is co-parenting or placing the child for adoption.

You should not suggest a rushed marriage or any marriage if the two individuals are ill prepared to live out such a vocation. That is in no one’s best interest.


#3

Well stated.


#4

Adoption may be the best for everyone in that situation.


#5

I wouldn’t recommend a new mother marry a man like that. The child’s worth could very easily be the worse for it.


#6

She may do well as a single mom, although that may not be the “preferred” way. I have a cousin who’s daughter is a little older than mine. She never married, but her daughter turned out fine. It depends on what her circumstances are. If she doesn’t have the resources for it, then adoption should be considered. But it looks like marriage to the dad would be a really bad idea. Her getting counseling from a pro-life place would be a great idea, as long as she doesn’t feel pressured into it.


#7

Love your friend. Do whatever you can to support her. Don’t lecture or scold her. Helping her, loving her, and supporting her is your way to serve Christ.

Then the righteous 16 will answer him and say, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? When did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? When did we see you ill or in prison, and visit you?’ And the king will say to them in reply, ‘Amen, I say to you, whatever you did for one of these least brothers of mine, you did for me.’

  • Mt 25:37-40

#8

Thanks for the replies. Yeah she doesn’t want to marry him yet, but says she wants to in the future. His family is very excited about the possibility that she is pregnant, so I don’t think abortion is a concern.

I will let her know about Catholic Charities though, in case things didn’t work out between them.


#9

I was raised for most of my childhood by a single mom. She did a fantastic job and I had a great upbringing. I would take the life she gave me over being raised by my mother and a man like the one you described any day.


#10

Often, it’s mistake number 2 when a pregnant woman marries the guy who got her pregnant. There are many resources for unwed others. Mentoring, free furniture, car seats, clothes, diapers, etc.


#11

#12

Definitely refer her to Catholic Charities!! They have counselors that will help her- and the resources to assist her in her decision. The Gabriel Project can help provide baby things, if she decides to keep the baby. And, if she decides to put the baby up for adoption, Catholic Charities are wonderful with that, as well. My daughter and her husband adopted the MOST WONDERFUL baby from Catholic Charities 4 months ago. I know that the birth mother had her own counselor and received a lot of help before coming to her decision to put the baby up for adoption. There was no pressure or judgement. My daughter and her husband are required to send a letter each month with a lot of pictures to Catholic Charities, just in case the birth mother desires to check on the baby. In my experience, Catholic Charities are very supportive of the women who come to them for help. And, our family is so very thankful for the arrival of this precious new member of the family. Whatever your friend decides to do (keep the baby or put it up for adoption), I will be keeping her and the baby in my prayers.


#13

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