I believe what the poster’s family experienced, that has been a repeatedly reported experience on CAF, but I would approach it in a different way. I would speak with the Pastor of that church and let him know that the coldness shown by the parishoners has had the effect of turning people away rather than attracting them. No Pastor wants to hear that.
My parish, used to be perceived as very big and cold and perhaps snobbish. That is until we got a Pastor who turned things around by directly addressing the congregation about it at Mass. Then he began to set things up for the parish to be more welcoming. Of course, some did not like it, but little by little our reputation changed, and we have been pleasantly surprised by a number of people after a diocesean reorganization choosing our parish to join because it was so welcoming. People WANT to join our parish now. And the succeeding Pastor has continued with helping form our parish into one people want to belong to.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a friendly and welcoming parish or seeing community as important. Our relationship with our brothers and sisters is of supreme importance and is related to our relationship with God. The Bible distinctly states that we cannot love God if we do not love one another (1 John 4:20-21). Jesus saw the love of neighbor as of enough importance to give a commandment about it. Surely we love God above all else–but that in no way diminishes our responsibility to love our neighbor. How can we say we love our neighbor if we sit in a church and refuse to acknowledge them?? Or look upon them with disdain because they don’t meet the “dress code”? Or criticize them if they don’t meet our expectations?
And if we have been paying any attention at all to Pope Francis, we all know he preaches community, love of neighbor, etc. As did St Paul. It is very wrong to downplay the importance of Christian community–how else was the Church built? It does not exceed the love of God, nothing does, but it certainly goes along with it, and without it, there is no Church. Read the New Testament carefully and see how important the community was to the early church and to Jesus himself.