What does happen at Retrouvaille? The question wasn’t really answered on this thread.
Our therapist recommended it, and I called for some info and what happens isn’t really clear. There is no one to watch the 4 kiddies for a whole weekend and hubby isn’t one to just let perfect strangers care for the kids and I fully agree with him. So even if they offered child care at the weekend retreat, our minds would be on the safety of the kids, not on the task at hand, whatever that is.
Is Retrouvaille a bunch of meetings to “learn” how to communicate, and then you’re required to put what you learn into practice before you leave? I at least know it’s not a group session, but who’s overseeing the progress, if any, when there’s maybe 2 or 3 couples who “teach” and perhaps a single priest? What are you supposed to do? A Dr. Phil? Sit across from each other and stare at each other while someone tells you to just be quiet and look at the one you married, remembering why you married the person? I’m the kind of person that isn’t content to just jump into something without knowing exactly what’s involved first.
Also the Retrouvaille chapter in our area isn’t really in our area, it’s almost 2 hours away and that’s not something that’s easily doable either when our van isn’t that great to travel the city in, let alone take a short road trip. So we couldn’t even leave at night and come home to drive back in the morning. We just can’t afford that kind of gas money!
I wish that they’d just write a book or do a video or something for people who aren’t able to make it to the meetings. At least it would be something to use until situations improve for us, in other words, the kids are older and we have a better vehicle! Even if they offered an online session, that would be nice.
Can anyone answer my questions? I’ll pass the info onto my husband.
He admits that he’s not a good Catholic. After being a lifelong protestant he entered into the Church in 2004 with me and the kids. Today he’s not practicing the Faith. He’s even been called a cafeteria Catholic by our therapist. I’m trying to do NFP but he’s not supportive of me. He respects my decision but isn’t happy that he has had to abstain for so long while I’ve been going through so many different changes before, during and after weaning the baby. There’ve been quite a few months where it wasn’t until after looking back have some days been deemed usable but it wasn’t known at the time because I haven’t established any set pattern. A man has needs he says, and any man in his situation will tell you it’s very frustrating and they’d understand how he feels.
So without saying too much, he’s reinforcing that his physical needs are stronger than he can handle and he’s not going to stop being a “man” even for my sake. To me his love of self is greater than his love for me but that’s another story. He said he is who he is and I can’t change his personality, to just accept him.
By my making him feel accepted in this (and other areas of course), I can have whatever I ask of him. He always refers to when we were dating 16 years ago and how I loved him unconditionally, he wants that back.
According to him, and he’s told me numerous times, I have to make him feel like a man before he can give me what I need as a woman. I can’t ask for him to give more than he’s able right now even though my emotional needs have been greater since the birth of baby #4. Can Retrouvaille help the wife learn how to empty all her needs and ignore them temporarily to cater to her husband in order to hopefully have her needs met one day?
That’s a MAJOR question that the therapist hasn’t been able to answer for me in all our sessions. He skirts around the issue and in all honesty I don’t feel the need to go to him when in my eyes, it’s only been going around in circles with some progress being made but only on an individual level, not a couples level.
Sorry for the vent. I needed this I guess So I will continue to reflect on Ephesians 5, Colossians 3, 1 Corinthians 7…there’s so many…
But after all this ranting, could someone answer my questions about Retrouvaille?