Well, DH left this morning for his 2 week business trip. I walked out with him. He gave me a hug and kiss goodbye. We hugged each other very tight and he told me that everything would be ok. That we loved each other and would miss each other. I gave him a new (inexpensive) wedding ring that I bought for him b/c he can’t keep up with his. They fall off b/c when he works they fall off. Anyway, I debated on even giving it to him. I just told him that I had gotten him something and being the person that I am started trying to explain, I just thought you might like it, etc…He kind of chuckled, put it on his finger, and say bye. Gave me another hug and got in the truck. I couldn’t fight the tears. He made a comment about my crying, but I didn’t understand what he said. I am a cryer. I came in the house and cried it out a little, then went back to bed b/c it was way too early to get up. Now, ever since our last episode I can’t stand to even look at Facebook and as far as I can tell DH hasn’t been on either. I was kind of sad b/c that is how we used to communicate while he was out of town on business. Updating each other on what we were doing throughout the day. Well, since DH left this morning, he has Twittered where he was every few hours. That made me feel better. I am really trying hard not to obsess on the possibilities he will have while he is away to betray the trust I am desperately trying to have in him. It is hard though. Any suggestions?
Also, DH and I are signed up for the next Retrouvaille Weekend. Sept. 20-22nd I believe. I spoke to the lady that is in charge and also one of the couples presenting. She made me feel better about the weekend. That it doesn’t mean we should give it up, if for some reason the program doesn’t click with us. Oh, DH did tell me that he was going to go to Mass while he is away. That is good too!
I am going to repost w/ some editing the post I made yesterday. I noticed that many people viewed it, but no one replied. Perhaps people are just already too tired of hearing my pity party to give me anymore advice. That be the case, I will not post this again.
I guess that is all we can do. I do love my DH with all my heart and I know he loves me. That’s a start at least. I do appreciate everyone’s comments and prayers. I do, however, want to clarify a few things.
I do take FULL responsibility for my actions. DH seems to take responsibility too. I do want to point out that while DH was in Iraq I did mess up the money, but not b/c I was spending it on myself or extra things. He took nearly a 1000 a paycheck pay cut during the transition from his civilian job to active duty. I never complained to him about how bad I had things on the home front. That is the thing, I kept it from him. DIdn’t want to give him anything else to worry about.
Anyway, many people have mentioned putting it all in the hands of God. That is what I am trying to do and I think that is how I have made it through these past few weeks. I am trying not to obsess everytime DH gets a text or a phone call, or I come home and his phone has moved from one place to the other, or that he is typing on his computer, etc… I notice, believe me, I notice! I keep telling myself that if DH isn’t being honest that God will open my eyes to it when the time is right. But, I struggle with that b/c I don’t want to be naive and foolish about it either. Does that make sense? Anyway, an suggestions on that would help.
DH left early this morning to go nearly across the country for work. He will be gone for about 2 weeks! How can I not obsess and worry that he has every opportunity to go back on his word that he would stop turning to and talking to other women on the computer and the phone for that matter? I read that Retrouvaille teaches you that Love and Trust are a decision that can be made even if you don’t feel it at the time. I have tried to made the decision to trust him again, and it has been helping. I don’t have to make a decision to love him, I can’t help but love him! Am I misunderstanding what I am reading? Does anyone know? Thanks so much everyone. I know that I need to grow up in some aspects of my life and DH has some growing up to do also. I look forward to hearing from you all!