A few months ago I posted asking for prayers because I was going to find out if or not my application to join the Mercedarian Fathers was accepted.
Well everyone’s prayers worked because I was accepted and they are most appreciated- the Fathers wanted me to enter in September, however, I have declined their kind offer- the door is still open for me however. After receiving the letter of acceptance I entered a period (which I am still in) of great doubt in regards to my Religious Vocation. I still love Our Lord and stay close to his rock, the Holy Catholic Church, however, lack clarity in which path I should follow- I no longer know.
I am now doing reduced hours working for the Diocese (in Administration) and am doing a lot of other things. I am enjoying my time to myself and my reduced work schedule for the moment. I have pangs of feelings a great draw to the Religious Life and then moments where I am not interested whatsoever, before I was pretty sure but now I am not. I don’t believe this is a bad thing- some people may say so, but in my own mind it is not because it is a huge decision to make and if you aren’t sure then there is no point.
I am going on several pilgrimages this Summer, finishing with Lourdes in August- therefore from now until then I am continuing with a reduced work schedule, having more time to myself and thinking and praying about things and then after I have been to Lourdes I might seek other employment if that is what I feel I most do.
I don’t believe there is anything wrong in my decision but I would kindly ask for your continued prayers- I mean I am not running away and getting married, I am just having a little change and a break from the direction I was so set on before.
I am also quite confused by things going on in the Church at the moment if I am truly honest and because of this don’t want to enter any Congregation for the time being- it is a big mish mash of reasons I suppose. I want to become closer to the Traditional Latin Mass and proper Catholic Teaching…I don’t like the slush and mush which is now so typical of the Liturgy and the Catechism.
Please pray for me and may God bless you all!