Using the Internet to Make Personal Decisions for You...Brilliant!


So here’s my situation. I’m 26 going on 30, spent most of the past 8 years in and out of college (three changes of major, one year off, and an incalculable amount of time spent watching Futurama reruns) or working odd jobs just to scrape by. I’ve decided to just call it quits for the time being and find myself a job somewhere. I won’t walk away with a degree but, miraculously, I will walk a way with my virginity intact and a healthy aversion to pornography - in other words the exact opposite of what you’d expect to get out of prolonged time spent in college. I’m gonna go live with family temporarily, until I can get a place of my own.

I know what your thinking, and no, my question isn’t “on a scale of 1 to 10 how big a loser am I”…that posting will come later…and the answer 11 will trigger an immediate message to the moderator. No, my question has to do with dating. Aside from the usual fear of women that keeps nerds such as myself from being particularly successful on the dating scene, I’ve purposely been avoiding relationships because I wanted to wait until I was sure I’d have a degree/career/steady-job before I got married, since marriage is the ultimate end of dating.

:shrug: But since said lucrative career is not in my immediate future, I wonder whether or not I should just date whoever is willing to risk abject poverty by being silly enough to be with a futureless schlep such as myself. As such, I’ve decided to harness the incredible power of the internet seek an answer. Advice anyone? I’ve already tried my Magic 8-ball and it said that the reply was hazy, so hopefully this will pan out a little better.

[SIGN]God Bless[/SIGN]


I would pick your clever banter over brawn, beauty, business degree or bank balance any day. I’m guessing it’s a sure sign of a sharp mind and quick wit–even if one with a slightly scattered focus up 'till now.

You are clearly bright, creative, expressive. Perhaps you have been on the wrong path in your hunt for a degree/career/purpose, thus, relationship. Perhaps you’re trying (in vain) to meld yourself into a form of another’s imagining? You will never find your own way if you’re listening to the voices around you instead of your own. Have you allowed yourself to consider, for instance, putting your wicked pen to paper as a potential career?


Island Oak put it beautifully!

You’re obviously blessed with a beautiful sense of humor. Find a way to use YOUR talents to make a living… you’ll be happier than any ol’ schmuck with a business degree, I guarantee! :wink:

As for dating… go ahead! Just take things slowly and be totally honest and upfront with everyone you see. You never know… you may fall madly in love with a brain surgeon and not have to worry about the whole “job” thing… :smiley:


There’s hope as long as you are willing to hope.

First, you probably should work on finding some type of work and some independence or that would make it somewhat difficult I do think. I think a nice woman doesn’t necessarily expect a man to have an amazing career, but I think most women would be worried about someone who was kind of directionless and not really interested in working. Don’t worry so much about the degree. Just think about what you enjoy doing, and then find a way to get some work doing it. That might involve starting way at the bottom, but that is OK.

I had a friend like you, in and out of college, worked as a bus boy, had an obsession with music. He never did get his degree, but he is now very successful, having done post production audio work for ads, movies, and now video games. In fact now he heads up the audio division for one of the biggest game companies around. Way back when he was a bus boy he found a woman who believed in him and valued him, and they are now happily married. So I do think it is possible. Dare to hope.


I did not answer your poll. But, here’s my two cents:

Love is an act of the will. So is success. Right now, you are choosing to be sloppy, indecisive, and aimless. So, choose to get focused and move forward.

Dating is definitely for the purpose of marriage. If you think that finding a person to share your life at this point with will assist you in reaching Heaven (after all, that’s our ultimate goal) and your potential as a person then go forward being open to that. If you think that right now you need to get out of your rut and focus on education and/or career… then do that.

What you absolutely have to do is stop putting yourself down, calling yourself names, and having such self-defeating thoughts and attitudes. That is not attractive to anyone… especially wife material.


I wanted to pick the cats one just because it was so hilarious!

You definitely have a chance at a happy future. While it helps, you don’t have to have a 4 year college degree to get a good job.


With that kind of wit, you sound like a great catch to me. Ah, to be young again, alas, I am an old married lady with 3 kids already.:wink: There is a very lucky girl waiting for you out there, just keep your morals up front, and use each date as discernment for a wife, and you will do fine. :smiley:


I think you should become a writer. Your post was very creative & funny.

Also, I think there are lots of women that would love you for who you are and not care so much about the job you have/don’t have.

But, if God is calling you to become a Priest - go for it. What great homilies I imagine you’d give.



Stand up comedian, perhaps?

Of course you can date. You’d be surprised how many young women are waiting for clever, young Catholic nerds like yourself. (Nope, I’m not kidding.)

And I don’t know your particular reasons for dropping out, but if you were going to a secular institution, then I completely understand. I couldn’t make it, either. Six quarters in a row of lying about my principles for the sake of my GPA (erm, this was before my conversion) and watching my fellow non-lefties get publically roasted for presenting alternative viewpoints… and I’d had enough of that. Too bad Steubenville wasn’t in the cards.

On a side note, my brother left college after a quarter or two … and is now CEO of a company that sells game engines to video game producers. It happens.

Oh, but just don’t date “whoever is willing.” Nice, Catholic girls only, please. Or (from what I hear) you’ll probably be soooorrry…


David, that’s not you is it?

Man, oh man, you sound JUST like a young man I used to work with! For all I know, you could be him.

I understand your plight. Been there, done that. I’ve been in and out of school since high school. I, like you, gave it up a fiew years ago to simply work and try and find my mate. Which I did.

I believe that God has a perpose for you. I am guessing that you go to mass regularly. Do you spend any time in adoration? Perhaps you shouldn’t foccus a LOT on the long term future. You are looking for work, yes? Put all your effort into that. Try and find a job at a place where you might have a chance to advance. What do you like doing? are you good with money? people? music? food? Think about the things and give you pleasure. Once you find a job, you’ll find youself feeling a lot better about yourself for one thing. It’s easier to ask a lady on a date when you’ve to a fiew $$$ in your walet to take her out.

You may even meet a gal at work that likes you :slight_smile:


Get involved with your church. The only way you’ll find the woman God has instore for you (if that is His will) is if you go out into the world and do things. You certainly won’t find her watching futurama.

oh are you a trekkie? just curious :slight_smile:


Ok, I have to ask… since I’m on a Catholic singles site myself… why, pray tell, should Catholics not meet on the internet?


I accidentally voted for the cats answer- too busy laughing at the “liar and charlatan” answer- and want to be sure you know that as of right now “cats” should still be a response with zero marked.

Trust me, with your sense of humor, and obviously well-groomed vocabulary, you will have no trouble finding a girlfriend! You’ll need a job of some sort but it doesn’t have to be a super-lucrative one. A woman who loves you while you are still working on discerning your future is one who may want to plan futures together!

Good luck and keep us posted.


I ‘think’ Sue might have meant places like myspace or some such.

I met my GF on a Catholic internet dating site.
In fact, if things go as planned, i’ll propose to her tonite.


Okay dear, you sound like a LOT of my friends! A LOT! I am a PROUD gamer girl! And I have lots of lovely gamer friends! I don’t know if you are a gamer or a Trekkie, but you are hilarious and witty. :thumbsup:
I myself am happily married with 2 children. We both enjoy gaming, comic books, and have a deep faith in God.
You can find someone out there like you, just takes time.

My husband currently works as a supervisor for Border’s Bookstore, and I am praying he will get a promotion. His store has one opening soon…But if not he will. I also would like to go to school. He didn’t finish he degree, which is said because he is brilliant like yourself. But he put his family first and is now working 2 jobs. When we sell our house, he will go back…

Don’t be so hard on yourself and keep up the good work!



I have no advice to offer, since you have already been given some well thought-out responses.

You did make me laugh, and Lord knows I needed a good laugh today!:crying: I hope you hang around and post often. You are a hoot!:wink:


You crack me up!

Hey, guess what? You are at the perfect age when women realise that the stable, “nerd” is a much better catch than the “bad boy”. Someone will come along who loves you for who you are, not what you do.

I do have to say, don’t stay with your parents for too long. Rent a place with some friends. It will make you feel more confident. And, um… look like you can take care of youreslf :shrug:



You seem to be in the position I’m going to be in 5 years into the future. What’s it like?
Well, except that I might have a degree if I can scrap through the rest of uni - but I’m still pretty sure I won’t have a job or a place to live - and I’ve already given up on ever finding someone to love so I won’t need to ask this question (plus I don’t have a magic 8 ball).
That being said, my decision to give up on women is not based purely on the fact that I have no job prospects and no social ability (though I guess that’s part of it), it’s also because I’m sick of rejection, don’t think I’d make a good boyfriend, husband, or parent, and know from experience that women don’t like me. If any of these extra reasons don’t apply to you, then I’d still say it’s worth giving dating a try, and see if it works for you (if not, you can give up at any time).

To 1ke - what do you mean “success is a matter of the will”? It’s a nice thought but we all have things which, no matter how hard we try, we’ll never be good at. For some people it’s math, others it’s running, others it’s poetry, we just weren’t born with enough talent. Sometimes external factors get in the way so even when you are good at something and work hard, you still don’t succeed. There are no guarantees in this life (except death, taxes, and spam) but at least we can hope that we might someday get into heaven and then it won’t matter if we were successful in this life or not.


Thanx for the input!


Yes, this is what I meant :slight_smile:


My husband has no college degree, has traded Magic:The Gathering and Everquest for the equally nerdy, but more drinkable hobby of homebrewing, and is, at this very moment, reading some book called, “American Brew: The Story of American Beer”. :rolleyes:

He is also the love of my life, a devout Catholic, husband, and father, and excellent provider. Did we have a few rough years at the start of our marriage while he “paid his dues” at work? Yup. Was there ever a single second where I thought, “If only I’d married a rich, less nerdy man”? Nope.

So don’t give up. If you’re being called to the vocation of marriage, God will lead you where you need to go, if you remain open to Him.

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