I have a question about finding one’s vocation. I have been on a wild ride the last 5 years as I have been discerning God’s will for my life. I have prayed about my vocation for quite a long time but I have not yet been able to understand His will for my life in any certain terms. Recently, it has only been harder as I believe I am going through some sort of Dark Night of the Soul and prayer has become almost painful for me.
I began discerning a religious vocation in high school but ceased doing so the summer before my freshman year as I began to feel drawn towards Marriage and realized that community life would be highly difficult for me. Flash forward two years and I just ended a (non-defined) relationship with a young man. I am so confused however, because I truly believe I would make a wonderful wife and mother, but at the same time I have this almost instinctual feeling that God will not allow me to marry. (Every man I start getting to know ends up having nothing to do with me right when we start to get close/ become friends.) However, this conflicts with my conviction that God has brought men into my life for the purpose one day marrying them. (Am I naive for saying that?)
Currently, I feel conflicted as to what Vocation God is calling me to. I feel guilty sometime for trying to discern marriage but I often find peace thinking about one day being a wife and mother. One second I believe he is calling me to Religious Life and the next I believe he is calling me to marriage.
What are the signs one may be called to marriage (besides already being in a relationship)?
And what are some signs that one is NOT called to the religious life?
I hope answers to these two questions may help me discern my vocation better as they are not commonly answered on any other vocation website.
Thank you! :o