Vegiterian & Manners


#1

So.

I never was much of a meat eater. After a 6 week wilderness hike five years ago I became less of a meat eater. Since then I went to 3 or 4 meals a week…now I’m just down to once a week or rarely, twice. (if I have leftovers).

I also am dating a veggie guy, my good friends (of which I know the whole family parents, kids, grandkids) are veg. another one of my friends is from the pacific and their culture as a whole dosn’t eat alot of meat. Other friends don’t care either way. My parents are semi open to it. One of my friends however…

…lets just say he’s reacted poorly. He’s an older bachellor who I usually cook for/go out to eat every three or four weeks. When I did cook/go out to eat that’s when I ate/cooked meat. Anyway.

What is the problem is that most of my friends are fine or WANT veg dishes. This friend, however, is a set-in-his-ways meat guy. He refuses to eat anything that “pretends” to be meat, and sais that no meal is complete with meat.

As a hostess am I obligated by manners to get meat for my friend?

Miss manners would dictate that a meat-eating host make a resonable accomidation for a veggie, so do veggies make the same accomidations for meat eaters?


#2

In the grand scheme of things this seems like not a battle to pick and I'd be a nice host and serve meat (perhaps of a lean variety).

I respect vegetatians who are due to nutritional/health concerns, not so much for political/activist concerns.

And don't be snooty! (Not that you are, but nobody likes a snooty vegetarian.)


#3

Although I am not a Catholic I am a meat eater.

If I were dining at a vegiterian's house I would not expect them to prepare meat for me. I know some veggies who would object to buying or cooking it, and I can respect that as a guest in their home.

I would try to prepare something he likes though. I, for example hate mushrooms and would hope my host would not attempt to serve them to me. There are some dishes that don't "pretend" to be meat but can be similar. I am with him--I dislike things like tofu or veggie burgers. I do, for example, like chicken parmisan and wouldn't be opposed to being served the eggplant variety instead.

Again, I don't think it is rude for you to not serve meat. It would be rude of him to complain if he is a guest in your home.


#4

Hey, I’m a pesca-vegetarian now but was vegan for 10 years. If you were attending someone’s dinner you would def. want them to have something for you to eat wouldn’t you? Maybe make a small simple meat dish for this person. Or, is it possible that he eats meals without meat already and just doesn’t think about it? like pasta for instance? I mean, does he absolutely have meat with every single meal? that seems odd b/c there are normal foods that people eat all the time that I would think don’t include meat. Maybe serve something like that. That way he can eat something familiar that also works for everyone else b/c it’s vegetarian. Italian might be one way to go.


#5

As a guest in someone's home I don't expect them to prepare anything special for me.

I am not picky and I have no problem with eating whatever my hosts are kind enough to serve me. Complaining or asking to change the menu seems rude to me.


#6

I’m not snooty. :thumbsup: We tend to disagree about food, which is why I typically would save my “meat eating” when I’m around him. He has always been grossed out by my eating of things like beans or rice & lentils so this attitude is not new.

I actually am mostly-vegeterian for a couple of reason…one…meat is not as easy to keep as most veggiees and fruit. Much more can “go wrong”. The other is hormones/factory farming bit. I actually would choose beef over chicken from a good market.

I’m hosting a large-ish party…and it so happens that people are tending towards the veg side so it makes it easier by in large to go veg for everything. It’s so hard figuring out who’s veg and who’s not!!!

(I don’t eat tofu or “fake” meat either)


#7

[quote="purplesunshine, post:1, topic:241594"]
So.As a hostess am I obligated by manners to get meat for my friend?

Miss manners would dictate that a meat-eating host make a resonable accomidation for a veggie, so do veggies make the same accomidations for meat eaters?

[/quote]

the reasonable hostess for a dinner party would probably have 3 courses, one meat, one vegetarian, and dessert, salad or side dish, so everybody ought to just shut up and choose which of those they want to eat. A guest who complains about what is served when he visits the home of a friend kind enough to cook for him 3 times a week should know by now that you are vegetarian and should expect vegetarian fare when he joins you for your every day meals. If you sometimes do eat meat when you are with him, however, he should be forgiven for not realizing your true convictions.

do be warned that if you try to accommodate the special dietary needs of all your friends, unless you are runnning a hospital kitchen, you will inevitably offend somebody

recently catered a meeting where 2 were low-carb, 2 wheat-free, 1 gluten-free and one no-grain eating. You would think it would be a no-brainer but the were all displeased by what was offered--there were at least 8 selections enough for a main dish--and NONE of them ate the same things!


#8

yeah, don't make dead animal carcass for him, that's weak. If he absolutely needs meat let him bring over some burgers and cook em on the grill. Just make sure you put a bunch of PETA posters all over the house first. :D


#9

[quote="puzzleannie, post:7, topic:241594"]
the reasonable hostess for a dinner party would probably have 3 courses, one meat, one vegetarian, and dessert, salad or side dish, so everybody ought to just shut up and choose which of those they want to eat. A guest who complains about what is served when he visits the home of a friend kind enough to cook for him 3 times a week should know by now that you are vegetarian and should expect vegetarian fare when he joins you for your every day meals. If you sometimes do eat meat when you are with him, however, he should be forgiven for not realizing your true convictions.

do be warned that if you try to accommodate the special dietary needs of all your friends, unless you are runnning a hospital kitchen, you will inevitably offend somebody

recently catered a meeting where 2 were low-carb, 2 wheat-free, 1 gluten-free and one no-grain eating. You would think it would be a no-brainer but the were all displeased by what was offered--there were at least 8 selections enough for a main dish--and NONE of them ate the same things!

[/quote]

Umm...every 3 or 4 weeks not 3 or 4 times...lol

I am pretty good about dietry concerns. One of the girls is gluten free. She brings her own bread and I keep the crutons out of the salad.

It's a BBQ so no italian.

yeah, don't make dead animal carcass for him, that's weak. If he absolutely needs meat let him bring over some burgers and cook em on the grill. Just make sure you put a bunch of PETA posters all over the house first.

Wow talk about snarky. :shrug: As I have said, I still sometimes eat meat. It's just rather inconvenient to do it now.


#10

[quote="purplesunshine, post:9, topic:241594"]
It's a BBQ so no italian.

.

[/quote]

a meat free BBQ
well it would not fly here in the valley, but just for curiosity, what are you serving, although fish on the grill is awesome, so is corn, eggplant, veggie kabobs, I am getting hungry

if you are cooking outside would it be possible to have a couple of burgers or hot dogs handy for anyone who wants to cook his own?


#11

[quote="puzzleannie, post:10, topic:241594"]
a meat free BBQ
well it would not fly here in the valley, but just for curiosity, what are you serving, although fish on the grill is awesome, so is corn, eggplant, veggie kabobs, I am getting hungry

if you are cooking outside would it be possible to have a couple of burgers or hot dogs handy for anyone who wants to cook his own?

[/quote]

:thumbsup:

I like the idea of having a hot grill available... "BYOB"... Bring your own beef/burgers! :D


#12

[quote="purplesunshine, post:1, topic:241594"]
So.

I never was much of a meat eater. After a 6 week wilderness hike five years ago I became less of a meat eater. Since then I went to 3 or 4 meals a week...now I'm just down to once a week or rarely, twice. (if I have leftovers).

I also am dating a veggie guy, my good friends (of which I know the whole family parents, kids, grandkids) are veg. another one of my friends is from the pacific and their culture as a whole dosn't eat alot of meat. Other friends don't care either way. My parents are semi open to it. One of my friends however......

...lets just say he's reacted poorly. He's an older bachellor who I usually cook for/go out to eat every three or four weeks. When I did cook/go out to eat that's when I ate/cooked meat. Anyway.

What is the problem is that most of my friends are fine or WANT veg dishes. This friend, however, is a set-in-his-ways meat guy. He refuses to eat anything that "pretends" to be meat, and sais that no meal is complete with meat.

As a hostess am I obligated by manners to get meat for my friend?

Miss manners would dictate that a meat-eating host make a resonable accomidation for a veggie, so do veggies make the same accomidations for meat eaters?

[/quote]

who cares what the guy thinks or feels, he should be grateful he's getting invited to dinner. you're NOT OBLIGED to do anything. but if he's a close friend then make a meal with meat, you're not gonna die.


#13

[quote="purplesunshine, post:1, topic:241594"]
So.

I never was much of a meat eater. After a 6 week wilderness hike five years ago I became less of a meat eater. Since then I went to 3 or 4 meals a week...now I'm just down to once a week or rarely, twice. (if I have leftovers).

I also am dating a veggie guy, my good friends (of which I know the whole family parents, kids, grandkids) are veg. another one of my friends is from the pacific and their culture as a whole dosn't eat alot of meat. Other friends don't care either way. My parents are semi open to it. One of my friends however......

...lets just say he's reacted poorly. He's an older bachellor who I usually cook for/go out to eat every three or four weeks. When I did cook/go out to eat that's when I ate/cooked meat. Anyway.

What is the problem is that most of my friends are fine or WANT veg dishes. This friend, however, is a set-in-his-ways meat guy. He refuses to eat anything that "pretends" to be meat, and sais that no meal is complete with meat.

As a hostess am I obligated by manners to get meat for my friend?

Miss manners would dictate that a meat-eating host make a resonable accomidation for a veggie, so do veggies make the same accomidations for meat eaters?

[/quote]

Purplesunshine-I've read other posts you have written about picky eaters. As a picky eater, how would you like to be treated at a party? Would you want to go to a party where there is nothing that you like to eat, especially if the party is at a friend's house who knows how you are about food?

The guy likes meat. You say he's your friend. Treat him like a friend. Offer him a non-vegetarian food choice.


#14

:confused: Ummm…I tend to be a picky eater when choosing food for myself…but never in public. I don’t think I’ve ever posted on CAF about it.

I will likely get meat…its just a pain. How many days can you get burgers beforehand if you aren’t getting them frozen? I really don’t know. If I want a burger I go to the counter, ask the guy, he grinds the meat and makes a paddy and I eat it as soon as I’m home. (I shop at a meat market not a grocery store for meat…I am super parinoid about dates on food)


#15

I would never expect my host to serve food that only I would be eating. It's like a cafeteria then. The point of a get-together is the company, never the food. Your friend has been rude about it from the beginning! He gets "grossed out" when you eat rice and lentils, a meal that is perfectly acceptable? He needs a big lesson in MYOB!

There are plenty of hefty vegetarian salads that you can serve. If he does not want to eat vegetarian, he should turn down the invitation. I've never heard of something so rude as to demand that your semi-vegetarian friend actually serve meat when she hadn't planned to! I know HE isn't demanding it, but by telling you "a meal isn't complete without meat," he is saying you are crazy for eating the way you do.

Rude, rude, rude.


#16

I find this to be an interesting dichotomy of opinions.

How can it be labeled - easy going vs. uptight? Flexible vs inflexible? Determined vs. practical? Selfish vs selfless? Old school vs new school?

I consider myself to be a fairly principled person, but when it comes to eating with a friend, I’d offer to make what they want, and if they offered me something I couldn’t eat, I would politely decline and state the reason.

I would never expect to be served something based on my own preferences.

Be thankful for friends present and food provided!

Expectations that cause negativity are a waste of time.


#17

Some people seem to think that it is perfectly OK, when invited to someone’s house for a meal, to specify to the host/hostess what sort of meal would be preferable! Unless there is a real medical dietary restriction (celiac disease, peanut allergy) then when accepting an invitation for a meal, one needs to be polite and basically enjoy the food your host has taken the time and trouble to prepare!

As an example - I had a dinner party (buffet) for about 16 people, several of whom were from another country, a nation in Africa. I inquired discreetly about religious food restrictions. I also asked about dietary preferences, and was told that 2 of the teenage daughters of one gentlemen were in fact, vegetarians. I was making a roast beef dish, and so I simply added 2 salads that were hearty enough to stand alone as a vegetarian main dish. All were happy and no one sniffed their nose at the food.

I just can’t understand people who are so rude as to question or deride another’s choice to refrain from eating meat. It’s a personal decision, would they do the same thing if that person was a tee-totaler? Imagine if the OP does not drink and does not want alcohol around…Would the friend demand to have a case of wine provided so he can get ripping drunk? I mean, really!


#18

I would buy the meat no more than 2 days before you plan to cook it, the fresher the better. Hamburger is a little dicier than other meats because any bacteria are all mixed into it, where a piece of meat like a roast or a steak would have any bacteria on the outside of the meat only. Not trying to freak you out, there are bacteria everywhere so don’t worry too much, just try to buy the meat as close to your party as you can, IF that is what you really feel you must do. It’s good that you use a meat market. Make sure the meat is fresh.

I’m curious too - what do vegetarians eat at a barbecue? :confused: Barbecue in Texas means MEAT - brisket, sausages, and ribs, and maybe chicken. Everything else is optional.


#19

I would let it be known that I had a vegetarian household, and if you want to eat at my house, that's what you're getting. OTOH, it works both ways...I would not expect to go over someone else's house and have them serve me a vegetarian dish. If it matters, I used to be a hardcore vegan, and that's how I operated.


#20

[quote="purplesunshine, post:14, topic:241594"]
:confused: Ummm....I tend to be a picky eater when choosing food for myself...but never in public. I don't think I've ever posted on CAF about it.

I will likely get meat...its just a pain. How many days can you get burgers beforehand if you aren't getting them frozen? I really don't know. If I want a burger I go to the counter, ask the guy, he grinds the meat and makes a paddy and I eat it as soon as I'm home. (I shop at a meat market not a grocery store for meat...I am super parinoid about dates on food)

[/quote]

So have him grind the meat, make some paddies and put them in your freezer. Not a big deal really.


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