Veiling challenge


The point that has been made all along is that a dress code of any type or the lack of one for liturgical ministers is the perogative pf the pastor. Either accept it or don’t be part of that ministry.


Honestly feel like there should be some kind of dress code for altar servers, male AND female.


I could get behind a dress code that says: No immodest clothes.

I have trouble understanding a dress code that says: No wearing this thing that women wear when they go to see the Pope. Because, y’know, it’s not uniform.

We’ve taken the post way off track but I really hope OP’s wife finds a solution that works for her. Personally, I would speak to the priest and ask if a hat would work better and if refused would walk away. It’s a voluntary position, not one anyone is obligated to do so walking away is a perfectly reasonable option.


Alternately, I generally wear something like this:


I wear these too, when I am in the garden or working out, as I have thick, curly hair that is always in my way, especially when it is hot & humid. However, if I were to “cover” my head for Church, this would be the last thing I would think of to wear.

I guess I just don’t understand the whole concept. How is something like this supposed to show humility?


Not everyone veils for the purpose of humility. If this thread has taught me anything, it’s that.

Some veil because they feel it’s what God has asked us to do in the presence of the Eucharist.


I get that, but how does a headband like the one posted do that?


For me…when I look historically, women didn’t wear significantly different things to church from what they just wore outside of the house. (For contrast, I look next to me and my coworker is wearing something somewhat similar right now, but in velvet.) I wouldn’t associate that sort of thing specifically with working out as much as just a general “thing worn on head”. It’s inconspicuous and it’s something that’s common for women to wear.


Because it covers the head.


Plus they blend in beautifully so that one doesn’t become a sore thumb. I love those head scarves personally. Easy, practical, blend in.


Yeah around here that’s a pretty common thing for women to just wear. That’s actually why I suggested it here - if the pastor’s objection is to standing out, well, lots of women wear things like that. That one’s very plain, and I do have a plain black one, but I also have gold lace that comes out on holy days, and a nice pink one with a burnout pattern, so they can be dressed up or down.

As a practical matter, they’re also something you can buy in most stores that carry hair stuff for women. We don’t really have a catholic store around here.


Personally I see them as the equivalent to hats. Nobody would bat an eye at them. Extravagant veils tend to bring a lot more attention but whatever women choose to wear, they should absolutely be free to do so free of harassment.


The choir and director at our last parish wore white tops and black bottoms. That was the dress code.


But was the priest in the OP harassing the wife, or was he simply asking her to follow a dress code that he has every right to put into place? At my current parish, if I am short on altar servers and I have to go find a replacement I MUST be sure the child is not in tennis shoes or wearing shorts. He or she must be in black pants with a dress shirt or a dress that fits our pastors definition of modest and dress shoes that are black in color. One preteen girl normally wears a headcovering, which she has to remove before she serves. All boys must have haircuts that are neat and trim, and girls must have their hair tied back in a manner that is “not distracting.” And as altar servers no one can even see what they are wearing! They are completely covered. Now if a priest can set these rules for children and I force them strictly enough that it makes it difficult to find last minute replacements, adult volunteers should be able to abide by them without trouble. Our pastor’s rules are very similar to the ones at most of my previous parishes. I can’t see how this would be viewed as so unreasonable.


Where can you get one?

I would like to wear something like this too.


It’s the head covering part that I find confusing.

You know our Bishop wears a head covering at Mass, which he removes when he prays, then puts back on.

I just don’t understand why the girls having a head covering should be an issue at all, especially since it was, for SO long, the norm. And since it was, for SO LONG, required if one were to meet the Pope.


I guess that is what is such a novel idea to me: That women think that Mass deserves a kind of head covering that is different from what might be worn for some other kind of social situation for which a head covering was warranted. I think most women did have a few scarves or veils for travel or weekday Masses. But I sometimes wonder if that reason they wore them was for the same reason women often wore scarves to the grocery store: they hadn’t had an opportunity to do their hair.

Granted, such social situations are few and far between nowadays but I am seeing some slight increase in the wearing of hats by men.

When I was much younger, women just wore the hat that matched their outfit. As school children, we were expected to wear the “beanie” (I’m pretty sure that is not the proper name for a wide headband but the sisters called them beanies) made of the same material as our jumpers.


It is the pastor’s right to set the dress code. Many head coverings (of any sort) and many hairdos are distracting. They draw attention to that particular person when attention should be elsewhere. If this priest sees that as a problem or even a potential problem, he has the right to “correct” this issue.

Also, coming from an ethnic tradition where many still cover their heads, the idea of a veil would be distracting. On my hisband’s side the women wear rebozos which they pull over their heads when they enter church and slide back off when they exit the church. All of the women completely remove their rebozos if they are performing a ministry at the church or during Mass. They don’t wear them at all. Not so much for uniformity but because it gets in the way. Having to readjust and such is bothersome. On my side, the women wear hats (myself included). Do I feel God calling me to do that? Not really. It’s just my family tradition. If I am wearing something and don’t have a matching hat, i go without one. Otherwise it would be distracting and look silly. If the wife feels it is so important to wear a head covering, a veil is the least traditional and most cumbersome to choose. She may find it is much better tonresearch her family tradition, make adjustments as needed and then speak to the pastor. If he still feels it is too much, cover the way my mom did is when we were too young to wear hats without fidgeting. She would use a headband or even a large hair clip. It covers as much as many chapel veils and they don’t fall off as easily. Another thing she would do is tie our hair into a bun or a twist and cover it with a mesh bun cover. This is more how the “old tradition of headcovering” was done than the frilly veils.


No, I agree with the find alternatives to cover. I don’t understand the ‘women can’t wear head coverings if they assist’. I would probably be more understanding if it was: “We need you to wear something less extravagant like a small hat or scarf…”

But the outright ban really, honestly confuses me.


Our pastor is fine with the young girl wearing headbands and bun covers (I don’t know the real name for those) and large hair clips. He actually likes it since it keeps her hair neat and out of the way. If she is needed as a last minute replacement, she just removes her veil and ties her hair back. That is why I suggested adjusting and then speaking to the pastor. The wife may find the priest is fine with more subtle headcoverings or methods that were used in the past that aren’t recognized by most. Such as the bun cover. Or headband.

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