Veiling challenge


hope this is in the right category. My wife knows I hang out on the CA forums and asked to to see what y’all think of this challenge she is having.

About 2 years ago we started going to a mission church for Mass because of the reverent way they did things there. Many of the women there veiled. My wife talked to them about why they did this when women’s head coverings had not been required since Vatican II. She then did some research, prayer and discernment and asked me what I thought of her veiling.(I had no opinion, being as it is her decision.)

She has been veiling since then. Her take is that it is a way for her to show modesty and humility in the presence of God.

We are now back at our local church as the adult choir needed a director and my wife has been doing music ministry since she was a teen (we are both in our 60’s). She is well qualified for this position and the local church had a need for a director for the adult choir which is the largest of the four choirs. She has a good rapport with the choir members.

We got a new Pastor about a month ago. He is much more traditional than the previous pastor we had. Everyone was excited but somewhat anxious about what changes he might make. Last week after Mass, he spoke with my wife about the music ministry. One of the things he said was that he wanted he not to veil when she was leading the choir. His reason for this was uniformity. There is only one other woman in the choir who veils of the 7 or 8 regular women members. He also spoke to the 2 women EMHC’s who veil saying the same thing.

At the Mass we attend there are about a dozen women who veil or wear a hat out of 300-400 people who regularly attend that Mass; however Most of those women have some ministry position, Choir, EMHC, Sacristan, or Usher. One of the EMHC’s he spoke to last week has already told him that she did not feel that we needed to be uniform but she would comply with his wishes and cease being an EM.

My wife is very conflicted by this. She was brought up to obey the priest but feels that veiling is something that she is called to do in the Lords presence. She is also very much into music and as I said before, she has been doing this at church for four decades.She was very excited about being asked to be the choir director.

She asked me to post this to see if anyone onCA has any suggestions.


Thank you for asking. Forgive me, but your question seems familiar to me, I thought perhaps your wife had posted here but no matter.

It is beautiful that your wife has this private devotion, but it is not required by the Catholic Church. Father desires people in prominent and visible positions at Mass to look a certain way. This is reasonable.

Your wife will have to give up the veil while in choir. Either that or leave choir, simple. She probably already knew that though. No one is going to tell her to fight her pastor in order to observe a non-required private devotion during Mass. I’ll pray for her.



Are you the same OP, or just coincidently a very similar situation? Either way this thread will be useful.


It is either a repost by someone else, or the same OP. From a quick comparison, these posts appear identical.



It nice to give reverence to God as in 1 Corinthians 11:6 For if a woman will not veil herself, then she should cut off her hair; but if it is disgraceful for a woman to have her hair cut off or to be shaved, she should wear a veil. 7 For a man ought not to have his head veiled, since he is the image and reflection of God; but woman is the reflection of man. 8 Indeed, man was not made from woman, but woman from man. 9 Neither was man created for the sake of woman, but woman for the sake of man. 10 For this reason a woman ought to have a symbol of authority on her head,because of the angels.

The priest is giving his personal opinion ,and its not an obligation in the Church to wear it either.It’s depends upon the person’s devotion and reverence to God if she wishes to ,there is no reason not to,
but if the Priest is say a second time and if he insist not to wear it then ,it better to obey the Priest.God Bless


Hello! I veil at church, and I definitely faced some remarks on “why do you wear the veil” aspect- so I understand the conflicts that your wife is having! I thought about this post for a while, and my suggestion would be something like this:

If he does not want you to wear a veil for uniformity of the choir, how about wearing a hat? It will look stylish, it will cover the head like a veil, and it will match the request that has been given by your priest.

Not all veils cover all of the hair; in fact, some countries wear a hat instead of a veil as a headcovering, and there are circular veils wear it only covers the top of your hair. So a hat (or anything similar) will be good for both perspectives.

Pax Christi!


Indeed. Strange.


I’m puzzled @victornguyen .

You have been a member for one day only . :face_with_raised_eyebrow:


Well, original OP @phoage has been around longer, and was recently online, as in 1 minute ago.

I’ve flagged this as a repost.


Yeah, this is the exact same topic, in like the exact same words, somebody posted months ago. Flagging as a repost.

Removed my link to original thread as Cecilia_Dymphna already posted it above.


Could your wife wear a small hat? Or one of the small circlets (which is what most of the women in the EF Mass parish in our city wear)?

I agree that obedience to the priest is more important than sticking with a private devotion. Also, considering how few people actually step up to get involved with music ministries in the Church, it’s important that your wife doesn’t throw away this important ministry that blesses so many for something that isn’t required by Holy Mother Church. She needs to spend some time with Jesus and find out which path He desires for her–a path of modesty as demonstrated by wearing a veil to Mass, or a path of service by taking on a task that most people in the Church won’t touch with a hundred-foot pole.

And what would be the effect of your wife leaving the choir over a veil? What would she do if the choir eventually folds because she is no longer directing the choir? Or if another director is recruited who takes the choir in a different, perhaps questionable direction and practices a lifestyle that is…well, let’s just say that it might be utterly opposed to Church teaching (If your wife is a musician, she knows what I’m talking about.)

And I strongly suggest that you and your wife do some research about veiling from trustworthy places like CAF. To correctly interpret St. Paul’s admonition to the Corinthians, you have to understand the history of that time in Corinth and the role of women in that pagan city. The head-covering admonition does not apply to today in the U.S.

I hope these words are helpful.


Peeps, didn’t you read the posts above you?


I have the perfect solution! Wear a wig, like some Orthodox Jewish women wear, and no one will know who is covering their hair, or not.


What can possibly be said that want included in the 400+ earlier posts?


Also, are you the same OP? I see here that someone posted a thread that is identical to another thread, which is shown by the members here.


Yes, why do you ask? I must be missing something.


Essentially, we are all suspicious that this person copied and pasted the OP from a previously closed thread that resulted in 400+ posts.


And so replying to this one is wasting our time. It has all been said before and it’s annoying being taken for a fool.

The (apparent) dishonesty is annoying, too. Why do it?


Ok, thanks for the explanation.

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