Detraction would be if we all knew her and then shunned her for being awful to you. That her status in her community would be damaged, her professional reputation, her personal dignity.
Honestly, if a person could not speak freely to a counselor or a Spiritual Director, how would they make progress? Either the Director would say “you’re right” or “you’re wrong”.
Now, if you’re asking if you should divulge all this on the internet, well it’s a bit late for that. That’s why for eons people like myself have been advocating a Spiritual Director…and to see him regularly.
People near the situation can help. Internet friends mean well, but we can’t do a single thing to make anything better. That’s really only between you and mama.
but the point is not to make her look bad, I just can’t cope with the situations sometimes
i do have a priest that i talk to, but there have been other things to discuss so far
and this is why i only divulged here. i don’t tell all my other friends that do know her. the only other person that sort of knows is one professor at school, but she also doesn’t relaly know my mom and isn’t the type to think badly of someone just based on what people say. even then, i am not sure if i should have done that
i only ever bring up things that other do if it’s a problem i need advice for. i know you guys can’t really do anything, but sometimes i don’t know if I’m doing something wrong as well. i.e. the whole accepting rides home thing. she think it’s disrespectful for me to do so, you guys dont’ seem to think so. but it’s a bit awkward to tell people that my mom doesn’t want people to know where i live, people think that’s really weird, which i guess it kind of is. so i just try not to get rides if i can avoid it, but some people really insist then i have to mention it, which i try to avoid doing because people sort of think she’s crazy then. or else just accept the ride and hope i don’t get asked about it later.
I get the impression that you think people have never encountered people like your mom. My mother wouldn’t ever let me have friends over, because she thought our house didn’t measure up. No matter how much I told her that my little friends didn’t care, that they just wanted to come over and play, or that their houses were sometimes worse than ours, she just didn’t buy it. :shrug:
If you are telling the truth and you are not doing so with the intent of dishonoring her, but simply trying to figure out how to LIVE in harmony, then there’s no problem. Once again,…INTENT.
If you INTEND to discredit, you sin.
most people are not as open as you are. I never wanted to tell anyone why they couldn’t come over. I always had to make up some other reason. It was embarrassing, and made me kind of a loner in school. Maybe that’s why I’m so over-outgoing now. :shrug:
Reaffirm and divert. If they ask “why not”, say “She just doesn’t. Do you know what time it is” or “Do you have any chewing gum?” or “Hey, I need to be somewhere. I’ll see you later” and then let it go. Hopefully most people will be able to take that social cue that it’s not something you’re going to discuss any further. (Please don’t worry if you tell them you need to be somewhere and you don’t have plans…you do need to be somewhere- away from their nosy questions")
You must have belligerent friends.
“Because that’s the way it is. I live in their house. I follow their rules. Your parents don’t have rules? Really?”
When people ask too many personal questions I just turn it around:
“why do you want to know?”
Could it be that people think you are somehow missing out on life, and they want to press you to the point of making your uncomfortable? If that’s the case, just walk away.
People can be really nosy. You don’t have to share anything if you don’t want to. That’s not rudeness, or lying. It’s self preservation. Just because people perceive handicapped people one way, doesn’t mean you can’t assert yourself. It’s none of their business.
Smile. Just say, “because she just doesn’t”. End of story. You barely understand your mom yourself sometimes. Don’t waste time trying to get strangers to try to understand. :o
but I personally don’t have a problem with accepting rides. sometimes at the end of the day, I’m just tired and if a nice old lady from church offers, sometimes I have just caved in.
but the aftermath of that would be very destructive
just to clarify, asking for advice on a situation isn’t considered detraction is it? provided it’s done either anonymously or with a trusted person?
I guess I’m still having reservations, you all think my mom is pretty crazy now. not that you know her, but still. it was mainly for me to cope, but I guess her reputation has gone down in the process.
I just really don’t know, don’t want ot beb committing mortal sin