[quote="m_crane, post:1, topic:225552"]
He came down the stairs greeting everyone with his middle finger.He asked me why I was there and then called me a liar and a b-tch, this continued unprovoked for about a half hour. He was not drinking at the time but had been drinking the night before....
About a week later, I had to call my mother. My brother answered the telephone. I told him I didn't want to speak to him and he said "why not?' I told him what he said and did that day and I said had no idea that he hated me that much.
He said that he didn't hate me but that he was just having a bad day. I told him that I didn't care if he was having the worst day of his life, that was no excuse to say the abusive things he said that day. He said he was sorry I felt that way.
"I'm sorry you feel that way" is the modern way of saying "I'd welcome it if you'd switch your noodle about this issue, but I'm not changing mine."
If he's never been physically abusive with anybody, I'd think he's just a jerk who thinks that he is entitled to say whatever comes into his head, vitriolic or not, civilized or not, hurtful or not. There are people who really do believe that "sticks and stones break bones, but words never hurt anyone." They have self-control, it just doesn't extend to their lips. If he's ever gotten into fights, thrown things, broken stuff, or driven in an erratic manner when angry, though, I think you're wise to steer clear of him, whether he has firearms or not.
Either way, you would be in the right to not return to a home where the host tolerates a stream of abuse like that....meaning your mom. If anyone, even a relative, ever lets someone lay into you like that, whether the other person lives there or not, then don't go their house any more, and let them know why. If they let you know they have changed their house rules and will not let it happen again, then whether to give them another chance is up to you.
If you don't make it clear that you won't tolerate that kind of abuse again, you'll get it the next time your brother gets out of the wrong side of the bed, stubs his toe, or whatever qualifies with him as a "bad day," be sure of that.
PS Since you've always put up with him or made light of this kind of thing, be a little more understanding of your mom's permissiveness. This is the first time you've let her know that you wouldn't rather defend yourself. If his anger problems have included physical violence, just let her know that the recent escalation concerns you enough to keep you away from him. If he's ramping up the verbal abuse, but with no physical abuse and a statement that he bears no particular ill will towards you, just let her know that you see your former policy of tolerance have only made things worse, and so you're not going to tolerate the intolerable again. If she's on your side, give her a chance to honor your wishes.