very confused

so i realize thats a pretty broad statement so i shall explain. I am married I suppose happily i mean i love my husband but we got married very quickly we only dated for 6 months before we got married and i was gone for military training for 4 of those months . we have now been married a year and i am 4 months pregnant. now i know your thinking … she doesnt sound very confused but then there is this. the problem is A my husband is not catholic we did not get married in the church and to make that part more complicated he is an unabashed athiest and B i think i am called to conscrated religious life. i have thought about being a religious since i was like 9 years old , im now alomst 21. so im confused i want to be a mom but i still find my self disappointed when i think about how i could have or should have done something different. so there is my confusion any advice or help or anything would be greatly appreciated.

if you are married your vocation is marriage, not consecrated religious life. period.

Especially being pregnant. You are called to be a wife and a mother.

What about St. Elizabeth of hungary?

Big difference with Elizabeth of Hungary is that her husband was dead. Also, being royalty, her children may well have been ‘absorbed’ by her husband’s family, whether or not she willed it.

Pray for yourself, your husband and your marriage. Ask God to show you how to love your husband.

He will.

St. Elizabeth never became a nun. She and her husband were Secular Franciscans. Secular Franciscans can be celibate or married. They can be deacons, priests, bishops, popes, or lay men and women. They make one solemn vow, to observe the Gospel according to the Rule of St. Francis, obedient to St. Francis in all things.

In his rule for the Brothers and Sisters of Penance (SFO) not to be confused with OSF, St. Francis commands them to be faithful to their current state in life, while observing everything else that he demands: poverty, chastity, obedience to the Church, fraternal life, prayer and a life of penance.

Elizabeth was a mother, wife and Franciscan. She did not cease being one to be another. When her husband died, her children were adopted by their uncle, because they were of royal blood and successors to their father’s title. However, Elizabeth moved into a fraternity just outside of the castle, where she cared for the sick and poor and was able to be close to her children.

The same was also true of the parents of St. Therese. They too were Franciscans. The difference is that Elizabeth lived a celibate life after the death of her husband and the Martins lived a celibate life while they were married, after the birth of their last child. In both cases, these men and women were faithful spouses and parents, as well as consecrated to live the Gospel according to the holy rule.


Br. JR, OSF :slight_smile:

Your vocation is marriage, and since you are pregnant, you will be a Mother to a beautiful, wonderful child! Your own flesh and blood! God has called you to be a Mother. Keep praying for your husband! I am praying for you!
God Bless!

You are called to a very religious life full of prayer and sacrifices, the life of a wife and mom. You will wonder what you did with your life before you had your baby. Your baby will put your life into perspective. Be a good example to your husband and don’t nag him about God. Show him who God is in you. Love him into the church. Pray the rosary for him and your child and ask for Our Lady’s intercession. God has given you a mission. Don’t be discouraged. God will work everything out in His time, not your time.

There is the possibility of joining a secular order and following the rule and life of the order while being married and being a mother. Some are more demanding the others. In some, formation period lasts years, before one can make final profession. But there is a life of prayer, fraternity, ministry and discipline. If one does not want to join an order, one can become an oblate, such as the Benedictine Oblates. They have a noble tradition. There are communities of women that have lay associates. These are not the same as the orders, because they do not make a canonical profession, but they live their secualr lives according to the spirit of the founder and they participate in the life of the community.

The unique thing about joining an order is that you raise your family according the spirit of the order. Even if it’s just one spouse who is a member of the order, the entire family is absorbed into the spirit. For example, I know that the Secular Franciscans integrate Francsican tradition into the prayer life of their families. They involve their families in the ministry of the fraternity. They make sure that their children learn the Franciscan devotions and are exposed to Franciscan family such as having them present for Franciscan functions. They often make great sacrifices, because they have to go away on Franciscan obligations and they have to leave their spouses and children for a few days at a time. This may only happen once or twice a year, but it does happen. They do what they have to do to live according to their vocation. It is possible to be called to marriage, motherhood and one or the other form of the consecrated life.

However, if the spouse is against it and if this is going to cause a problem in the marriage, then one does not have a vocation to a secular order or to be an oblate at a Benedictine house. There are two conditions that must be met: 1) the approval of the spouse and 2) the approval of the Church.


Br. JR, OSF :slight_smile:


I understand where you are coming from. Mine was a long journey

I started out as a protestant and I always joked that I would be the first “baptist nun”. I eventually found my way to the Catholic church and considered maybe joining the Dominicans since I am an educator. I found a wonderful man and decided that marriage was my vocation, although, my heart still longed for the religious “type” of life.

I am now investigating third orders. That way I can have the best of both worlds. I can study and have discipline and have fellowship, while also staying with the most wonderful man whom I love.

Pray the prayer of St. Monica for softening of your husband’s heart. I also understand the difficulty of being with someone who doesn’t believe in God. Hopefully he will understand your desire to be a part of an order.

The beautiful thing about being a Catholic mother is that you can share your faith and watch them grow in their own faith :slight_smile: I hope all goes well with your pregnancy. You are blessed!

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