[quote="ishnianqueen, post:11, topic:211423"]
I'm surprised that not one person has mentioned anything about Church teaching against IVF/IUI in the first place. I'm not saying that people who have done this don't have their hearts in the right places, so if there's anyone here that has, I'm not trying to judge you. But if they hadn't tried to artificially replace the marital act, they wouldn't be in this situation. Granted, they used hormones as well, which is within the boundaries of Church teaching, and if they'd only used that they still might have gotten pregnant with twins, but...just interesting that it hadn't been mentioned yet.
I am baffled at the entire article. They couldn't get pregnant - why didn't they try hormonal treatment first before jumping further? Why would they be using expensive procedures to have another child if money is already tight? How tight could money really be if they were planning on sending their kid to private school? Why didn't they consider adopting? Why didn't they take into account that adopting an older child meant skipping the baby part that they apparently couldn't handle?
Just...the whole article disturbed me to no end. It screamed selfishness, like children were property that you somehow automatically deserved, not gifts that you were given. Just...gah.
It seems selfish because you are not in the same frame of mind, and your beliefs line up differently than theirs. I don't know a single person who has been in this situation, (Yes, including myself) that thinks I DESERVE a child as if he/she is property.
Many people actually fail getting PG with all the intervention. And it would be wrong to assume that any resulting child is NOT a gift from God. They absolutely are.
You know, I will admit, I didn't investigate the churches teachings deeply when it came to IVF. I read that no man should interfere? And it didn't seem like "interference" It felt like assistance. A triple bi-pass isn't natural, but it's allowed. That was my thinking. And I failed to investigate further. After the fact, I did have long conversations with my priest. As then I became conflicted as to what if anything I should confess??? I couldn't be sorry for my children. Fortunately we worked that out. Please refrain from additional opinions.
This article is extremely sad. I cried pretty much through the whole thing. From a Catholic perspective she would have been fine without the assistance of the "turkey baster". That won't work if you're dealing with male factor. In which case, even healthy sperm just can't get there. She mentions clomid. But she clearly doesn't realize that clomid creates near hostile mucus. So thick, sperm can't travel.
Keep in mind, in her article, her procedures were covered by insurance. (They use this against you later.... I have been declined medical insurance because I've been TESTED for fertility problems. Which weren't mine. I have been told that if I get a hysterectomy, I might be reconsidered...How's that???) An IUI costs about $1800. An IVF closer to $20,000
I have been through 2 IUI's. The first one failed. The 2nd resulted in a 2 day long PG. I was told about selective elimination the day before insimination on the first run. I freaked out. No WAY was I aborting a baby. My dr. "informed me" that it was not an abortion ????? The stress was too much to endure. I'm quite confident, the reason I failed both times was because I was too scared to be faced with a decision that I wasn't willing to make. We skipped to IVF. I only allowed 2 embryos. And now I have 2 children.
Why not adoption? I was dealing with a husband who is a cancer survivor. Adoption agencies aren't keen on that. Testicular mind you. Don't think that didn't effect our entire situation. Adoption is just as expensive as an IVF. At least all the sources I found.
Why not try hormonal treatment? Because sometimes it's not going to effect anything.
So, it may seem selfish. And when you wrap in the churches teachings... wrong. However, please take a second and realize that a selfish person is rarely willing to be poked and prodded with the extreme that is necessary. The hormones used are brutal. The effects they have on your body, off the charts. The hormones to maintain a pregnancy, all I can say is OUCH. I had numbness in my hip for over a year after delivery from the projesterone shots (daily for 3 months, in the bum). It may seem selfish. But it's not done out of selfishness. I remember when I was told that I had 2 sacs but one heartbeat, I was devistated. I knew I wasn't going to do this again. I was so sad that my child was going to be an only child. I prayed for that 2nd empty sac. I prayed and prayed and prayed. I was blown away, when I returned another 2 weeks later a there was a 2nd heart beat. And he trailed behind. Always smaller... but I ended up with 2 perfectly healthy babies. I know I'm blessed.
Now, with regard to selective elimination. I just shake my head. It's a horror story. I don't know how anyone could do it when they want a child so badly. I realize that many don't have a religious foundation to get them through. I would like to be available to the mom who is about to have twins to say it's not that hard. You can do it! They need to hear that!
It's always easy to look at a situation in hind site. It's always easy to say you should have... I'm going to venture a guess, this woman was not educated up front. She didn't have anyone giving her ideas about what else she could do. Plus she clearly had a husband who was not on the same page to contend with. That alone is a big issue. I suspect she compromised way more than she would have otherwise. And, I think it's clear she doesn't have a religious foundation that would have prevented much if not all of this.