[quote="Francis4Jesus, post:1, topic:210263"]
I heard a voice inside and outside before and firmly believed that it might be it - a purpose .
I am a very meticulous man , so i searched , asked , studied and investigated to verify it.
As time passed , I discovered too much imperfections , too much sufferings and too much pressure on myself and i am now tired for so long i have borne it with me.
And here goes too many oppositions , family expectations of a different life which i have investigated , reflected that the kind of life they offered to me is worth death than to go on and live - for some something inside of me is like fire which does not die .
I longed to extinguish that Flame , for i have found out that i am too unworthy than my peers who also aspired to become not only priests but to become great Bishops and Doctors of the Church - so why then someone like me be "called" , who is not good at something , imperfect selfish and the greatest sinner perhaps who deserved to die eternally.
I am nothing. So then i have decided to put an end to this tiny poor Flame just this day, after a Novena Mass. Now that everything is over, why then am I still longing for something? Why do i fell that i lost something very important that was once worth dying
for. I do not know - one thing is for sure- its over and im out of it, I will never be a shepherd and i wont listen any longer to any voices forever .
If you came to ask me for admission to my community speaking like this, my first piece of advise would be to go out and get a job. If you have a job, then I would suggest that you go out and spend time in a shelter, a home for AIDS victims, a pregnancy center where girls come in terrified of their unborn child, a hospital or hospice where people are really suffering and relatives are grappling with end of life decisions.
On the weekend, go out a see a good movie, maybe have a few beers with your buddies, go to a game, take up a sport or a hobby.
Seminaries and religious orders are looking for men who have are in love with life, in love with the world and in love with their fellow men. One cannot serve what one does not love.
Stop trying to talk like John of the Cross. He was a poet and a saint. But the religious life and the priesthood are not looking for poets or saints. We're looking for real men with real life experience and men who have a balanced view of the world. Poets have a natural talent for it. And saints, well all of us are called to become saints, one step at a time.
The man who goes around saying that he is unworthy of . . . is not a good candidate for either the priesthood or the religious life. This kind of peson is usually highly critical, highly demanding and impossible to live with. That automatically rules our a religious order. We just got rid of over 30,000 men who were impossible to live with, between 1960 and 2000. We're not looking to find more of the same. Both the diocesan seminaries and the religious houses of formation are looking for men who are typical in every respect. They are sinners and they are aware of their sinfulness. But they are also grateful that God and the Church love them very much, so they face each day with great joy. They know how to laugh at themselves.
A man who is too intense is not a good candidate to be a priest or a brother. Intense people only become frustrated when they encounter the imperfection of their brothers in the community. We all suffer frustration and even anger at our brothers. The reason that we can put up with it is that we acknowledge that these imperfections are part of being human. Graudally, God helps us to overcome these frustrations and moments of anger. We are not constantly frustrated with our imperfections, nor are we enamored of them. We are practical about them. They are like long toe nails. They are gross and need to be cut off. We do that one toe at a time, if we rush ourselves and God, we may cut off the entire foot.
The priesthood is for men who are on a journey, not for those who have arived at the other end. They don't need to be priests. They need a coffin, because they're ready for heaven. The great saints were men who were always hard at work on their conversion, but were also very concerned for the world. Even the great monks and hermits were in love with the world. They left it, not because they hated it, but because they found God in silence and solitude. However, they never stopped appreciating the world and its beauty. In fact, the further they went from the world, the deeper their appreciation.
Finally, great penitents, like St. Francis of Assisi, St. Margaret of Cortona, Padre Pio, John Paul II were people who wrote and spoke with great joy. Francis of Assisi actually made fun of himself as he struggled with sexual temptations. He would go out and make a snow family for himself and then sit back and enjoy it.
Lighten up, go out and enjoy your life. Then come back and tell me what it is about the world that you love and how you plan on serving and saving what you love.
Br. JR, OSF :)