Video games and marriage/kids


#1

I was talking to my mom recently, and she said that "once you get married, you're going to have to give up playing video games all the time." Call me selfish, but I'd really like not to have to give them up forever. Much like reading novels or watching DVDs, it's entertaining and helps me unwind. I know having children doesn't leave you much free time, but is there really a reason why you shouldn't fill up some of that limited free time with games?

Perhaps it's just that people don't think it's acceptable for women to play video games - my dad plays games once in a while when he's relaxing after work, and everyone seems to accept that as perfectly normal.

Are any of you married people out there fans of video games? Did you feel you had to give them up once you got married/had children?


#2

I've been married sixteen years and while I'm not that big on video games, my wife and eight yeat old play them all the time. I;m more into reading which I do all the time. While there are times when you don't have that much free time, you always have room for the things you enjoy:)


#3

If any gal asked me to give up video games, I’d tell her, "This game is over! (meaning our relationship, people~get it? I am SO witty) " :slight_smile:

(I am happily single)

And if any person told me to give up reading, I’d never speak to them. It’s like telling me to give up breathing.


#4

I can't see as to why you'd have to give up gaming. Hey, I'd gather to say most young men would worship the ground you walked on...a fellow gamer? and a female?

I know my kid would. He loves his Xbox/X box live;0)

I'm personally not into gaming, haven't a clue as to how to play those games, but I would think when your future kids were old enough, they'd be thrilled to be able to play games with their mom and dad. Some of the family games on the Wii and the other consoles (rock band, guitar hero for all 3 platforms) look like a lot of family fun.

I don't bond with my son during his gaming time, b/c I haven't a clue as to what he is doing. You, however, have that advantage.


#5

Well I guess it depends on what kind of gaming you do. My husband and I spent more than a few hours playing FFX on the play station 2 in our first year of marriage, but we moved and have not even set up our system yet. I would say that if you can limit your gaming to an hour or two and stop playing immediately when something comes up, then gaming is just fine. When it is just the 2 of you there will be more time to game as long as your spouse is cool with it, with young children gaming time tends to be more limited, as you can no longer stay up till 2am gaming and then sleep in until 10. :p But even with a 1 year old I still get a few hours of computer gaming in when I want them. (also spending a lot of money on games tends to be more difficult when married with children so that cuts some of the fun and excitement from gaming).

I think your mom's advice can be taken with a grain of salt, generally there will be less time and money to game after one has children (maybe marriage but it depends on your marriage I guess) but one does not have to completely give up the hobby if you practice it in moderation and with consideration towards your spouse and children.


#6

One young friend of mine got married recently. She and her fiancee put an X-box on thier wedding registry. :D Since she had been so kind to my kids when they were young, the kids were so excited to be the ones to get the happy couple that particular wedding gift.

Personally, I never got into the games but was a voracious reader. Unfortunately, from the time my first child was born until the baby turned 2, I didn't have time for a single novel.


#7

[quote="Rascalking, post:3, topic:204787"]
If any gal asked me to give up video games, I'd tell her, "This game is over! (meaning our relationship, people~get it? I am SO witty) " :)

(I am happily single)

And if any person told me to give up reading, I'd never speak to them. It's like telling me to give up breathing.

[/quote]

I second this!! :thumbsup:

Miz


#8

I think you can play video games some of the time, but single people often get caught up in games, stay up all night playing games, etc. and that's just not going to happen to people who are married and/or with children. You need to spend time with your family. Maybe play some games, but limit it to a half hour or an hour a day.


#9

You also have to consider the example you'll be setting for your children. Parents who spend most of their free time focused on one pastime tend to have kids who do the same. Especially when it's video games or tv. There is more and more research, along with public opinion, that stresses the importance of kids NOT being too obsessed with video games. So each parent has to decide what amount they are willing to have their kids do, and if they allow video games at all, they have to work pretty hard to enforce the limits they set. The more time YOU spend playing, the harder it will be to enforce more restrictive limits on your kids. I see it all the time, and often the children's obsession with video games sneaks up on the parent before they realize they've pretty much invited the obsession into their kids' lives. I'm not saying this means you can't or shouldn't play video games when you're a parent. But example to your kids is a factor you should consider when the time comes.


#10

[quote="Aetheria, post:1, topic:204787"]
I was talking to my mom recently, and she said that "once you get married, you're going to have to give up playing video games all the time."

[/quote]

I took the important part of the quote to be "all the time". In marriage, hobbies and pastimes need to be done in moderation. Many people, especially single people, have a tendency to go *way * overboard on video games and that's quite likely to cause significant problems in a marriage (especially when the other spouse is not a gamer).

I have personally run across many stories of wives at their wits end because their husband is spending every free moment (and even not-really-free moments) playing video games. My wife just mentioned to me a girlfriend of hers dealing with an unemployed husband who simply stopped looking for work and now plays online games more than 40 hours per week! :eek: That guy's ending his marriage and he doesn't even realize it.

Personally, I made the switch when I got married. I played a lot when I was single. My wife doesn't like them at all and I decided to stop playing them at home and just make it a social event. I now rarely every play them at home (the PS2 has been in the box for 4 years now; I play the occasional computer game). My buddies and I get together for a big Halo Xbox session (8-16 people) in someone's basement ever 4-6 weeks and that more than satisfies my cravings.

I don't think you need to give it up completely, but it (like everything else) definitely needs to be done in careful moderation in a marriage. :thumbsup:


#11

Thanks for your responses, everyone!

Wampa: Sorry, I didn't give enough context. She actually did mean "stop playing altogether". Of course I'm not thinking that I want to play video games nonstop, or even regularly - I'd just like to play once in a while and when I don't have more important things to do, just like any leisure activity. Lots of online gaming is just a bad idea. Having briefly experienced the addictive power of MMORPGs (until I realized I'd actually just paid a real two bucks for a virtual helmet and quit in disgust), I never want to touch one again and I'd definitely not want my spouse or children playing them.

ThyKingdomCome: I agree, playing games/watching TV too much can be a bad example. But I also think it's important to teach kids that you can enjoy them in moderation and that they're not evil. I remember that when I was a kid, "I like TV too, but we both have better things to do" worked better on me than "TV is stupid and will rot your brain".

phoenixrrt62: Heh, I have unwittingly impressed a few guys by saying I like games. Then, of course, I went and got engaged to one who finds reading Aquinas more fun than playing Halo. :P He thinks gaming is a bit frivolous, so I probably won't spend as much time on it once we're married - the XP isn't worth annoying your spouse! But he isn't going to make me give it up entirely.


#12

And you do a lot of reading when playing many types of video games.


#13

I think my fiance would leave me if I decided to stop playing video games.:)

Not really, but it totally impressed him, and we played FFXII on our first date. Giving up video games just because we're getting married doesn't make any sense.

Some of my favorite memories growing up are of playing Mario with my mom (Dad didn't know how)--lots of yelling and jumping up and down and mashing Super NES buttons.

No doubt things will change with babies and whatnot, but we'll roll with that when it happens.


#14

[quote="Aetheria, post:1, topic:204787"]
I was talking to my mom recently, and she said that "once you get married, you're going to have to give up playing video games all the time."

[/quote]

if that is true my SILs did not get the memo, or if they did, their wives have given up enforcing it. Their family rooms overflow with video game equipment, which dad and the kids either share or fight over.


#15

OP, it sounds like you've got your head on straight and you'll have no problems along these lines :)

[quote="Aetheria, post:11, topic:204787"]
Having briefly experienced the addictive power of MMORPGs (until I realized I'd actually just paid a real two bucks for a virtual helmet and quit in disgust), I never want to touch one again and I'd definitely not want my spouse or children playing them.

[/quote]

I had that MMORPG experience as well, except it was $125 on a virtual football team :eek: :p I'm glad I moved past that stage...


#16

LOL, my sister met her husband through an online dating site, talking about video games. Her husband is a video game programmer and they love playing video games together. That is one of the things they do as a couple. I don't see anything wrong with married people playing video games, just not to excess.


#17

My wife has more Call of Duty kills and headshots than I do, and we have 5 children. :stuck_out_tongue:

Having said that, I’m lucky if I get to play a game twice a week for about 30 minutes each. That’s about the extent of it. My kids, however, get to enjoy things with us like Lego Star Wars and Guitar Hero.


#18

Well given my name is gam3rchic I just had to weigh in :p

My husband and I both enjoy video games. I'm a MUCH more avid gamer than he his. After we got married, my gaming hobby wasn't dented a bit. I gamed just as much as I had previously being single.

Now after our baby though, that's a different story....

As a first time mom to a little baby, I find I have little time for games. I miss my hobby and find I can't unwind b/c I haven't gotten my dose of zombie kills in order to release pent-up stress. I've now decided I need to make a conscious effort for more "me" time and play a little bit of video games here and there.

I'm hoping once my kid gets old enough, I can play video games with him as mother-son bonding time. ;):p


#19

You will not have nearly as much time to play video games after you have children and you will not be able to play the kind of games that have you kill prostitutes, aliens, or hack Nazi zombies to pieces. I think your mom mentioned games specifically because gamers tend to carry things to excess more than readers or movie watchers. I've seen my friends play games all days long and live off of pizza, beer, and tobacco. You won't be able to do that after you get married obviously.


#20

[quote="Aetheria, post:11, topic:204787"]
Thanks for your responses, everyone!

Wampa: Sorry, I didn't give enough context. She actually did mean "stop playing altogether". Of course I'm not thinking that I want to play video games nonstop, or even regularly - I'd just like to play once in a while and when I don't have more important things to do, just like any leisure activity. Lots of online gaming is just a bad idea. Having briefly experienced the addictive power of MMORPGs (until I realized I'd actually just paid a real two bucks for a virtual helmet and quit in disgust), I never want to touch one again and I'd definitely not want my spouse or children playing them.

ThyKingdomCome: I agree, playing games/watching TV too much can be a bad example. But I also think it's important to teach kids that you can enjoy them in moderation and that they're not evil. I remember that when I was a kid, "I like TV too, but we both have better things to do" worked better on me than "TV is stupid and will rot your brain".

phoenixrrt62: Heh, I have unwittingly impressed a few guys by saying I like games. Then, of course, I went and got engaged to one who finds reading Aquinas more fun than playing Halo. :P He thinks gaming is a bit frivolous, so I probably won't spend as much time on it once we're married - the XP isn't worth annoying your spouse! But he isn't going to make me give it up entirely.

[/quote]

Hey, congrats on your engagement! That's great!!!...and well, I'd be more thrilled with someone reading Aquinas- or anything else for that matter, b/c reading is generally my secret addiction-esp religion;0) but that's just me....and debating religion-or the lack of same...I miss that-the second husband and I used to have pretty involved discussions about God...and if he/she exists and why....man, we'd get into it....ah.....

But...hey, I'd venture to say you'd find yourself so busy with your future husband and your family that you wouldn't even miss the gaming (except for the occasional game) and when the kids are old enough to play (my kid was all of 3 when he was playing his older brother's Doom game, ha!) you can show them how it's done;0)


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