Just to hear your fears, hopes, regrets, and concerns make my heart sigh and weep…God bless you for your sincerity. Any true gentleman, worthy of his name, would feel the same, along with the flaming desire to make you feel your true self-worth, a lily dipped and reborn in the Precious Blood. Your scars of love, your spiritual stigmata make you more beautiful than ever, as did the Wounds of Love on the Body of Christ. He did not resurrect with a pristine Body, but forever, the Second Person of the the Most Blessed Trinity is changed…for the better. God is Human, True Man, True God with True Wounds. His Body, Soul, Heart and Mind have lots of mileage on them, you could say. Jesus seduces sinners with His vulnerability, like Mary Magdalene, His weakness that has saved us, His apparent lack of attraction and appeal because He took it all our ugliness upon Himself.
Your wounds are signs and proofs of your love and conversion, they do not make you ugly or unattractive or unappealing, only mature in love. Through them you can heal and attract many souls for Christ as He does with His Wounds. You can be His little open wound calling out to others to learn from Him what the truth of Love is the the Love of Truth. If he, your prospective spouse or date, cannot see this, you can do a heaven of a lot better than that…He must be someone with depth of soul and suffering who has lived great dissapointments in himself as well and come out trusting in Divine Mercy and His Mother as the Great Renovators of souls.
Jesus and Mary made Mary Magdalene, and all sinners, more beautiful than if they had never sinned, providing they admit the truth about themselves. The sour grapes become sweeter wine as repentance ferments our hearts. Mary has the Jesus touch and turns all raw rough materials into gold. The toughest materials must be forged in the most intense heat which make them most pure, compared to those who were not so dense, but they can’t stand the heat of purification if we use the analogy of precious metals. Your future spouse must be one of these kind of precious metals who has withstood the heat of Truth.
Such men exist and I have met them and they are looking for a woman like you. They just don’t advertise. They seek with their heart someone like them who has suffered. It shows a mile away if you pay attention. You will both win each others’ hearts very naturally as you bear witness to what you have been through. When the time comes, you will share what you feel is appropriate, prudently and confidently. You will check each other out spiritually to see if you can share the pearls of suffering and wisdom with one another. You don’t need to play a role, just be yourself and bear witness to the Truth and if he be a real man, he will be first to do this with you anyway.
In other words, you don’t have to wait at the bottom of a blue box of recyclable virgins, waiting for someone to have pity on you, or settle for something less than the ideal…This one of the of games of self-love to avoid rejection and more suffering and dissapointment in the future…Please don’t…Take courage and accept to be the beautiful Saint Jesus wants you to be through Mary. Jesus will make all things new and improved and better in spite of your fall, and, even through your fall…O Happy Fault that gave us such a wonderful Redeemer we sing in the Exultate in Easter Vigil…this applies to every one of our personal sins by mere implementation of the remedy of the Precious Blood… Do we really believe that Jesus makes all things work for the good of those who love Him, or not?
We always want a garantee that this time it will work and it will be o.k., even though…this is conditional trust in His Love. It is not being willing to give yourself entirely without reserve or hesitation to God or to your beloved. This is what is in your control and what really matters, that you can believe in love and practice love more than ever before in total trust, abandonment, surrender and confidence, disclosing your vulnerability, the nakedness of your soul, first to God, in prayer, in Confession, then, when the time is ripe, to the chosen soul for you, and, he will do the same. This is the risk and the challenge of love. We all yearn for this-to meet a soul I can share everything with, and feel unconditionally loved infinitely more all the same, and be able to reciprocate this, in turn.
Aim for the greatest love and intimacy with a future spouse, and all will come in God’s good time. That is what I think anyway, and what I do with my Bride, the Church. She has been through it all, my bride, and I know she will be resplendent with perfect purity, thanks to Mary’s Beauty School by the time She finished with her. We are both on the way there…One last thought: Love is not looking at each other but looking together in the same direction…Look for such a man and look with him at Jesus and Mary. God bless you abundantly in your quest for courage.