Vocation Avoidance


Have any of you had a fairly clear call from the Lord to a vocation, and then found yourself continuing to cling to the hope of marriage in the future?


i see you’re a latin mass adherent. that will narrow your field down considerably.

how old are you? if looking at a latin mass community, you’ll have to be younger than 35 in most cases.



I have felt something similar. I feel a draw towards the religious life, but up until recently, I’ve always ignored the thought, and try not to dwell on it to much. Oddly, it isn’t because I don’t want to serve God, or because I definitely want to get married, but because the whole process freaks me out a little bit. With the help of friends, I’ve been looking into it more. I suggest you get a Spiritual Director, as they should be able to help you with your discernment. Also, don’t forget to pray! :slight_smile: Good luck!


I must say, that if you really want to get married, but feel a ‘call’ to another vocation that makes you sad, languid, depressed, angry etc., that’s not a vocation. As it has been truthfully said, God does not call people into a vocation kicking and screaming. You might not initially want it, and the desire might come a little later, but if you’re heart is set on the right things, you’ll want the right things.

Pray, hope and don’t worry.

Benedicat Deus,


I wouldn’t call myself a Latin Mass adherent; I converted into the Novus Ordo. I am going to stay with the Visitandines (order of widows) in the cloister next month to get a feel for the community, and vice versa.

I have had the dilemma of feeling called to a vocation, yet I have a daughter who is in her teens. In my mind, this makes a vocation highly unlikely, so I steer myself towards dating and marriage. Sometimes I feel like I need a replacement child, because my little one will be graduating high school in the next four years. However, a child involves a husband, and truth be told, I do not have much tolerance for men.

I have had a number of instances where I have been clearly called, yet I do not trust. I am probably the least worthy to accept any sort of call. I’m not afraid that I will belong in a cloister, as a victim of love for God. I just keep fooling myself that I will be happy in another marriage, and that is just not true.

I have had a spiritual director for quite some time. When I date, he advises me to the religious life. When I put my efforts into prayer and solitude, he is all about finding me a good husband. Ah well, it’s just one big contradiction, if you haven’t noticed yet lol!


How old is the teen daughter?

The Visitation is a religious institute. The Order of Widows doesn’t actually exist until the Vatican recognizes it again, as it has with the Order of Hermits and the Order of Virgins.

Have you looked at lay associations; secular institutes; or Third Orders?

The SD doesn’t sound very helpful, although he may be doing that to see where your attractions are.



God is not only calling us for marriage or life in a cloister. God also calls us for many other things. What do you like to do? Where are your interests? Are there people around you who need your help? If you wish to have another child because your daughter is about to leave home have you thought about volunteering or working with children? How about foster care? Or visiting elderly and sick fellow catholics?

I hope you find your way and I will pray for you.


My daughter is 13. Her and I are auxilary members of the Legion of Mary; this is how I am acquainted with the Visitandines, that and through my spiritual director. I have looked into the Daughters of St. Frances de Sales, as that is certainly an option.

My spiritual director is waiting to see how the visit to the Monastery goes, much like myself. I think he just likes to give me a hard time. I was his secretary for a long time.

What do you mean that the Vatican does not recognize the order of widows? Does that mean that widows that have recently taken final vows in the monasteries are illicit?


This has happened to me recently. I feel so sure I have a religious vocation, as those close to me would be able to assure you, but for some reason I believe God is now leading me to a different vocation, quite possibly marriage. It honestly scares me, because my discernment to the religious life was going so well, and I seriously don’t understand what God has planned for me now. I haven’t given up on discerning my religious vocation, but I feel like there’s something else to this discernment that I’m not aware of.


Widows becoming nuns in a religious institute is different from the Order of Widows where they can be consecrated publicly like the virgins.

Thirteen is a very volatile age. She will need your steady hand to navigate her teen years. I would work on the cloister within and be her best friend so she doesnt seek solace from the wrong people.



The Visitation Order is most definitely recognized , St. Margaret Mary was a nun in the Order, it was founded by St. Jane de Chantal and St. Francis De Sales, have a lot of Convents around the world including Lourdes and a few houses in the States etc. It is meant for women of a delicate nature, who cannot get up at night to pray like most of the enclosed Convents, after that its much the same.


Yes… :o



Realistically, I couldn’t see myself entering into a convent for at least a decade, at minimum. There is no rush on my part. My daughter is the most important person in my life. I don’t think I will have a problem with shirking my responsibility as a mother. Who knows? Maybe she will join me.


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