Hi, I am new to this forum and I was hoping some of you might be able to give me some advice concerning vocations. I am a freshman in college and still living at home while I work through school. I am also currently a protestant but I am considering Catholicism. I will start at the beginning to illustrate the problem I am having.
I grew up in an extremely conservative Baptist family and loved the Lord very much from an early age. There were a great deal of internal problems that developed within the church my family was attending, so my parents decided to find another place to go. We went to many different churches throughout my youth and finally came to rest in the Breather an of Christ Church we are currently at.
A few years ago I met a wonderful virtues Catholic girl and fell very much in love with her. For around a year and a half marriage was the only vocation the presented itself and one which I was very excited about. I entered and RCIA program because I felt quite attracted to the catholic faith and I wanted to know more about it. This was fine with my family until about 3 months ago. I came home very excited about the idea of becoming a catholic. I had been reading a lot of books about the whole thing and been going to masses the whole time I was very much excited about the idea of marriage.
When the ceremony for the right of the catechumens came up things went south fast. My dad suddenly became very opposed to the idea. He had severely heated debates with me, and no matter the argument presented he refused to admit that is might be a direction God was calling me in. Several of the debates kept me up until 2 in the morning and got me back up at 5. This went on for about a two weeks. During that time he introduced me to many former Catholics and Protestants firmly opposed to the Catholicism. I met each of them in an open debate. I had done my research well and I feel God guided me through those debates. To every attack I had an answer and was able to convince most of the people making the attacks that they should go reexamine the catholic faith.
During this whole period of time I was constantly bombarded my things like maybe you should be a priest or what about that priesthood thing. I am one easily given to worrying about the future. So tired and beat up I began to think about this and worry. My girlfriend was going through some hard times and was confused about the job she might have in the future and the anxiety transfer to me. So for about a month of constant bombardment by these questions and assaults on a faith that I am not even part of yet I became very confused, I decided to hold off on becoming a catholic in order to respect my parents. I have been praying the God will help my clear up the confusion ever since.
Recently my parents and those around me have settled down and have largely stopped making any attacks like those mentioned above. I am still confused however, I know I love the girl I am with very deeply and would very much like to marry here and share in God’s love with her, but now I have this nagging fear within myself. Many times I will wake up in the morning with a sense of gloom and something akin to terror in the forefront of my mind. I have tried repeatedly to give this to God and to trust him, but I feel abandoned.
As you can see I have very few places to turn to for advice, and I am simply hoping for some possible answers. I feel very conflicted some days. I feel a strong pull toward marriage and embracing the razing of my own children, but there is still a nagging fear that I many choose the wrong vocation. I have prayed since my child hood and even more intensely since I started dating this wonderful girl that God’s will would be done in this relationship. I have prayed so many times that if he did not want it he would cause it to end. There have been many uncertainties in the past that could very well have been the end to our relationship but God has always used these to draw us closer together.
If anyone can offer me some advice if would be greatly appreciated as there is not many other places I can turn to for it right now. If you have read this far thank you for your patience and time.