I am confused about my vocation... I am a passionate all-or-nothing guy and I have tried everything in life but everything let me down until I found God. I have found God but I am unsure what vocation to have. I have carried on with my all-or-nothing attitude and I found a great girl who has now been my girlfriend for about 6 months but we haven't me yet - we do speak on web cam and through email. She lives in America and I live in the Britain. We are planning on meeting in the summer of 2011 and me to move over there after we have travelled around Europe together for a while. Anyway, before I found God I was working really hard to try and make an agnostic/atheist woman happy but none of them fulfilled me so that is why I turned to God, so that is why I tried making Catholic women happy.
I have recently been pushing myself to make loads of money so that I can make a woman happy, but I realised after that experience that I am not cut out for working hard LOL I mean I work hard but not at a maniac pace that money-greedy people work at :) My girlfriend works at that kind of pace and she says ''work hard and play even harder''. She was saying stuff like people are supposed to do what they want, but again I am a very calm person and want nothing but God in my after life. A lot of people have said that I am very calm :)
I was thinking that I may be a bad match for her when we actually meet, but she says stuff like ''love me for me'' O_o I do love her but you know I don't know if I'm cut out for being a husband and I don't know if she will actually like being my girlfriend/wife in person. I kind of know only one woman who is not a nun and is like me and that's not my girlfriend, so I'm not sure if I should just go for the other one who is like me. I also don't know if I am meant to be a husband or not. I also don't know if I am just being like this because the people's values of our world are deteriating and the average Catholic is just not in my league of holiness now. I also know that men and women struggle to be holy in this kind of environment.
So I was wondering if anyone knew what I should do?
1) I would like to move to America where there would be more Catholics for my children to date if I were a husband.
2) I don't know if I'm compatible with anyone now because people are so materialistic and money crazy.
3) I don't want to be a priest because everyone's general ideas of life, even in the church, is that it's OK to spend a lot of money. I'd be wasting my time speaking to the parish.
4) I don't know if I should be a monk or not? I mean I'm really holy and don't have much in common with people in work environments, because I'm not going along with the general kind of values that people of our countries have about alcohol, sex and ''living it up''. Like I said my focus is on God.
5) Maybe I'm best off being a monk? I mean I don't live with people like me on this planet. Does that mean that I should be a monk? Or does it just mean that young Catholic women that I know are struggling with our Catholic values in the face of society that are hell bent on making the most of this life?
I mean I love God and that's it. It's difficult to know what to do for a very holy guy like myself. I'm very calm and holy :) I just work and then go home to chill and pray :) I have no needs for myself :) I don't know... This is nuts. I live in a materialistic world and I am the opposite to that, is that just me being very holy? Or? :confused:
I don't worry about this because I am happy knwoing that I am close to Our Father and that He wants me to be with Him when I die, but what do I do in this world? Just pray as a monk?