First of all, I want to thank the kind people who prayed for my last request regarding work problems about a month or so ago. Things seem to be working out there.
These days I am really struggling with being single later in life. I have wonderful parents, a small group of close friends, and very pleasant coworkers. All of these people are blessings from God.
Still, there is this deeply felt pain in regard to not being married with children in my late thirties. I never imagined I’d be single this long. I do date. I have had a couple of long term boyfriends, but nothing permanent has ever come from any of this. It’s not that there aren’t men out there, but the task of finding a single man in my area who has the values and life skills needed to make a marriage work almost seems impossible. (I suppose the men would say the same thing about women these days- it’s just the times we live in). I live in a city that is not considered a singles area. Moving is not an option for me. I know a single gal who lives in a large metropolitan area whose experiences are similar to mine, so I’m not sure moving would solve anything anyway.
I am at the point of feeling lonely, desperate, and despairing. I have wanted to post how I was feeling before, but you never know what kind of responses you’ll get. I think my situation is difficult for married people to understand, especially those who married in their 20’s. I can honestly tell you, being single in your 20’s is different than being single throughout your 30’s, which I’m sure is different than being single in ones 40’s. I have often heard how hard marriage can be and I have no doubt this is true. But being single for years on end is a heavy, heavy cross.
Another aspect of being single so long is the erosion of ones self-esteem. I personally find my state in life to be a source of humiliation. I have heard other singles make reference to this as well. One can’t help thinking,“What’s wrong with me?” I do all the usual things one is supposed to do to attract the opposite sex. I also try to live a moral life. Still, I find myself alone. It’s not unusual for me to break down and cry regarding my situation. It hurts so badly.
I’m sorry this post is so long. This is something that I really need to talk about with others.
Please pray for me.