Vocations for a celibate SSA Catholic



As a person with very strong same-sex attractions (SSA), I have fought for years… but with no change in “orientation”. I am simply not attracted to members of the opposite sex, and that means Marriage would be dishonest. It seems that God wishes to be glorified in me by a life of joyful penance, and living the Gospel in celibacy.

I want to be faithful to the Church and Her teaching, and also to prevent my soul and the souls of others from being led into temptation. This means that the priesthood is not an option, nor the Religious life - my two greatest dreams. To be honest, I do not desire to remain a simple member of the faithful without canonical status in the Church. I wish to stand up for Her and be one of Her protectors in life, representing Her in my own small way.

The internet is very sparse when it comes to information on “Lay Consecrated” life for men. Third Orders? What sort of vocations are open to a male burdened with SSA? Anything substantial? If there is “only” a simple lay Catholic life for me, and I will be asked “Why did you never become a priest or brother?” for all the days of my life… at least I can suffer it for Jesus’ sake.

Thank you! :slight_smile:


Bless you Basilian.
This world is a very big place and God is so much bigger than that!
There are so many possibilities you have never even begun to imagine.

Still, you should talk with a spiritual adviser. They may be far better equipped to help you discern God’s will in your life.
Some of these crosses we only bear for a time.

I am aware that the Dominicans have several Confraternities.
The Benedictines have third orders and the like.
It’s best to start close to home (unless you somehow feel called elsewhere?)

Check with your local abbey. Ask your priest.

Do not get discouraged.


I recieved this from a friend, I hope this will be an encouragement to you.


InspiritCarol, thank you for your loving blessing. It’s discouraging to live with SSA and to be Catholic… always wondering if Romans Chapter 1 applies to you. “Did I develop this lust because of paganism? atheism? idolatry? Do I remain SSA because I do not love God, as St. Paul seems to teach in that chapter?” It is a deep problem.

I know the Lord has a thousand different and unknown ways prepared for His servants in Christ. It is difficult for SSA men to have hope, at times, because we feel as if we’re rejecting a “true” vocation simply because of warped sexuality. It’s not right to dismiss the Bride’s injunctions… and although it pains me, I must obey.

You are right; a spiritual director, would be excellent… but I haven’t found anyone suitable yet. It’s strange, living with these strong desires and also my own neurodevelopmental problems. I think some SSA-afflicted Catholics desire to become priests or religious to escape the stigma of never having married, and having the feeling of being a waste of space.

We do need to start close to home. People love to look far afield for some grand vocational calling… but the Lord places us where we are. I have developed a strong and close friendship with local Franciscans. I am not a Benedictine by spirituality, nor Dominican nor Jesuit. Being a normal, masculine man, every person I’ve told about my attractions has been surprised. This makes it even more difficult to explain to others why I will not be married, a priest, or a brother. Do I let the world know that I am a celibate SSA living in penance, so that I may strive for virtue and act as a role model for other SSA Catholics? Do I become a Lay Consecrated? What* is* a male lay consecrated? I’ve only ever heard of women in that role.

I do not relish the idea of working in an office or being a teacher or tradesman all my life, without any opportunity to represent the Church and Christ in an official capacity. I yearn for much… but so do all people, I guess. I am not special in that way. :slight_smile:

mountee, thank you for sending that documentary. I really like it.


Male consecrated virgins follow the same rules as female consecrated virgins.

Another option may be becoming a diocesan hermit under can. 603.


Go to google and type in secular institute. Members of secular institutes live out in the world, are consecrated by God and make vows of poverty, chastity and obedience. They do not live in a community and are responsible for their own support. The secular institute has a charism which you pursue and live out.


If you’ve any information on male consecrated virgins, aside from what my group is trying to do with this: cloisters.tripod.com/csjb/ I would appreciate hearing from you. Our group would be considered a “new movement.”

I have been discerning an initiative/secular institute for celibate persons with SSA, since there seems to be a need for it. Google the pic of Marie Mediatrice with the rainbow near her feet. I prefer the teal version myself, but that’s just me.

Transgenders qualify only for lay associations. They cannot enter the religious life.

People need to stop listening to the world, and listen to the church. Most of this contention was seeded by the Communists. I think what you are being drawn to do is of the Spirit. A celibate Catholic with SSA submitting to the Lord and defending His Church. That’s an example we need now.

I would suggest wearing the Green Scapular with St. Benedict medal under the clothes. A St. Benedict crucifix would be good on the rosary, as well.

Concentrate on your relationship with God, and your livelihood. That is the kind of example presently needed.



Why do you not want to be a priest and/or monk?


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