Vocations, vocations

Well, I have a question.
I have no idea what my vocation should be like. What should I do?


Why? :o

Live your Catholic faith to it’s fullest. Pray that God will help you discern your vocation. Find a spiritual director who can help you in doing so.

you can do nothing

you can be still with God and talk to a priest about this wonderful practice of prayer. Silence and being with God is strengthening and amazing

(or spiritual director if you are wanted to search your gifts and talents)

you can get stuck into loads of activities and get so lost in it all you forget your original plan

you can just be you

you may already be fulfilling your vocation and that may be why nothing has been suggested, if you don’t know what your vocation should look like. The answer really is there isn’t really any should about it.

Having been on my journey for 25+ years I find the doing nothing and being still with God the most refreshing. Though it does help if you had good priest input to achieve this kind of prayer. Its nice, is so warm, its just so right. You don’t have to be searching. You can do nothing and simply be with God. Have you tried this? Hard to grasp at first but I got there with good support so am sure you can because one doesn’t need anything.

good luck

I’ll see what I can do.
Here’s the complicating part. I’m in love with a female friend of mine but she’s having problems in regards to relationships. If God does not call me to marriage, then it would be confusing. If God does call me to marriage, it would still be confusing. :confused:

Prayerfully read “The Apostolate of The Laity” (Chapter 1: “The Vocation of the Laity to the Apostolate”) vatican.va/archive/hist_councils/ii_vatican_council/documents/vat-ii_decree_19651118_apostolicam-actuositatem_en.html

Another helpful read is “What is the Apostolate of The Laity” (Catholic Answers “This Rock” archive.catholic.com/thisrock/1996/9605lait.asp )

God is not calling a person to a particular personal vocation to which they have an aversion or absolutely no attraction. Generally speaking there are three basic signs of a particular personal vocation:

*]Attraction to the life
*]Ability to lead the life (necessary qualities and motivation)
*]Acceptance into the life


  1. I’m attracted to marriage. o:
  2. I know that I can lead the married life.
  3. I accept it. O:

Re #3 - “Acceptance into the life” in the case of marriage would mean that acceptance is effective when you are actually married. At that point only (actual marriage), having been attracted to the life and with the necessary qualities, you could be confident that God has called you to the vocation of The Sacrament of Marriage i.e. a vocation in the lay state. Just as a religious or nun cannot be assured God is calling her to religious life until final profession. From postulancy until final profession it is the discernment journey while that discerning can become more confident of vocation at varying stages after postulancy i.e. commonly two years noviciate followed by temporary vows of three years, but length of years in the noviciate and temporary vows can vary I believe.

However, if one has any doubts at all or confusions etc. on the subject of their personal vocation, it is always wise and highly recommended to consult a spiritual director. It is not at all unusual for a person to be attracted to marriage and with the necessary qualities and then at some later point find that they have an attraction to religious life.

And it is my belief that if God has gifted one with the necessary qualities for the priesthood and religious life even though one has no attraction, that one ideally should at least give serious prayerful consideration to these vocations.

I know a woman who had a real aversion to religious life but was very curious about it in the days pre V2 when it could be a rather secretive way of life and not much known about the details of living as a nun or religious sister. She started to research as much as she could about it for curiosity sake. Today she has been professed a religious sister for over 40 years and very happily so. Our God of The Surprise!

I can’t help but wonder why you posed a question re your vocation when you have an attraction to marriage? Baptism is a Gift of God and a call and vocation to holiness and the following of The Gospel in the lay celibate state (unless married when baptized), all particular and personal vocations flow from our Baptism. Of course, if one has a vocation to marriage, then one is called out of the lay celibate state into lay married Chastity. And we are all called to poverty, chastity and obedience (evangelical counsels) but not necessarily to their radical expression as in religious life.

I have discernment problems, hence me being very confused. o:

If I am called to marriage, then I have to be very careful on who to marry. I’m seeing a lot of transgendered men lately, and with them getting sexual reassignment surgeries, it’s a lot more difficult to distinguish between an actual woman and a she-male to say the least. D:
Another problem is my affections for my female friend who had been traumatized by a really bad previous relationship. D:
To make things worse, I’m not good-looking in real life. In fact, my physical appearance defines the word “ugly”.

Pray about any problems you perceive and trust that God will guide you. But exercise the Gift He has already given you in prudence and do take care. Finally, do seek out spiritual direction. You could ask your parish priest if he can direct you. You could phone your diocesan offices and ask them how to contact a spiritual director or you could contact a religious order of brothers and priests and ask if they do spiritual direction. If none of these can help you, I am confident they will probably be able to pass on to you some further contact potentials.

We are probably not good assessors of our own physical appearances, we probably all think we have physical problems of appearances somewhere or other. Other than that, beauty really and truly is in the eyes of a beholder. I was walking in a city street the other day when an elderly woman in dirty and torn clothing and a truly chaotic dishevelled appearance asked me for money for bus fare - I was truly stunned as I spoke to her - she struck me as truly beautiful. I saw something totally beyond what appeared in the dirty and torn clothing and dishevelled appearance and one of them was her gentle and sad eyes.

But if your physical appearance really does concern you unduly, then were it me, I would seek out a therapist or counsellor. Your female friend with a past really bad relationship affecting her present just might benefit from the same.
It is the human condition that we all need help sometime or other. It is wisdom (another Gift of The Holy Spirit) that informs us when the time has arrived to seek help and to do so.

Wait for the call of God!
He will talk to you through life.
Let yourself in His Arms. Strong Arms…

Well, I am still confused. Does this mean that I should do nothing while waiting? o:

Thanks. :

Hmmm, I recall what I’ve learned in philosophy was that beauty is not relative, but infinite. I know for a fact that St. Thomas Aquinas argued for the latter a lot. :
In the case of the old woman, her expression has conveyed her true inner beauty. Correct me if I am wrong in what I said about the old woman though. /sweatdrop

My main problem as far as physical appearances are concerned is that many young women nowadays (excluding my female friend that I’ve mentioned) tend to go after either effeminate-looking men, effeminate men or those who have rather bad morals. They disregard men who are living good morality. It’s saddening, since after they’ve suffered a lot, they complain that where are the good men. In reality, it is they who threw them away.

Yes, you have to do something: Listen to God.
Like John XIII said: “Listen to the signs of times”. God shows Himself in Life.
Now, suppose that you find a girls that knocks you off…
Suppose that you feel a urge, an irresistible urge to go help the Sudanese people or go to the Carthusian Order (the hardest in the Church).
Let yourself go.
Learn with good points. Learn with mistakes.
God is driving you, through straight roads and through narrow curves.
Waiting is not sleeping. Waiting is to have your eyes and ears wide open to listen to the Word of Go and to see His Actions.
Tell my story, which was a hard one. I entered Seminary thinking that I would be a priest, I suffered like hell, God did not want me there, I married, had 2 children, I retired, and now I am working for the Church, not the Parish, but for the Church.
Could I ever had imagined such an outcome when, after High School, I entered College to follow a Medical Career?

Thanks, for enlightening me. :smiley:

Hello again Crescentinus!
Well I am in good company with St Thomas Aquinas huh, who is one of my patron saints, along with St Augustine and a few others.
My experience with the elderly lady was a truly wonderful one for me. As I saw her approaching me through a bit of a crowd, the first thing that struck me was her rather quite unruly appearance. And as we exchange just a few words, I became aware that I was very conscious that she was a really beautiful woman. It just may have been that her very sad and very gentle eyes were conveying to me her inner beauty. The eyes, the windows of the soul huh. And beauty really is in the eyes of the beholder too. Some women are attracted by tall men, others like men with plenty of hair LOL … speaking of physical aspects. Some women prefer to get to know a man and find out what he is like as a person.

I wonder if you are unconsciously sabotaging yourself with a negative attitude towards the general attitude of women. You may well be right that a majority of women seek out the wrong kind of male in that it is the kind of person who will hurt them. This may be an awful lot of women even, but it isn’t all women. Let God be your driver for a while and Pfaffenhoffen has given you some really good guides on how to move out of the driver’s seat and let God move into it. Trust The Lord, if he is calling you to the Sacrament of Marriage as your vocation, it is up to Him to provide you with a good life partner and if you trust Him, He will. The one proviso is that this is conditional that He is indeed calling you to the Sacrament of Marriage. “Love is patient” St Paul tells us and so do not put timelines on The Lord…His Way and in His Time…Trust!

Let the wonder of life and your own journey unfold and hear its music and learn its language and what it is saying - the lessons that it is conveying. You are in the best of hands as is life and your journey - The Hands of Jesus and He is All Faithful and totally worthy of total trust.

That is awesome. :
From my experience, I’ve mostly seen women going after good-looking guys regardless of personality. The worst part is, some of them are actively rejecting heterosexual men! :mad:

Sadly, it is very rare for women to understand me and my odd complexities. My female friends do understand me, but here’s a catch:

  1. Some of them are already in a romantic relationship.
  2. Some of them are not interested in a romantic relationship.
  3. My female friend to whom I’m in love with is shaking off the trauma. From what I’ve seen of her recently, she still is not interested in romantic relationships. :frowning:

I do trust God and all.

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