I think the main point is that I'm not a very self centered person....
I don't mean I don't take care of myself, I mean that I don't really care about myself.
There are only 2 things (mundane) I value over anything else: knowledge and being with people.
Knowledge is mostly an understanding of the world, and being with people is what I mostly look for in my everyday life.
I don't know why but all of the Vocations I know seem to deppend on a certain "rigidity" that I feel uncomfortable with for myself. I've always been free to go out with whomever I feel like, to go on trips, to talk to strangers about the most crazy subjects (even when I was 6...) and I feel that a Vocation means that I will have to be attached to something: to an order, to a woman, to a parish, to a place... etc.
It's not that I'm completely unambitious, I certainly think that my job and everything I do can get better and can better help mankind, but I never look at my job as the source of "x" income. The number in and of itself isn't important to me, it has more to do with impact, and the whole of Humanity.
I would be miserable if I'd work filling papers for the rest of my life in a clerk job...
The thing it pains me the most is exactly not being able to find a path. I'm just so spontaneous that I can't plan over 1 month ahead. A good example was when I was doing my exams for college: I didn't know where and what I wanted to do, so I found myself going to different parishes to invite people for a youngsters' meeting about Unity even on the eve of my Physics exam. I was thinking about being a Philosopher but my parents told me I'd be stuck as a teacher. I was thinking about going for Applied Mathematics and Physics (Astronomy) but my parents told me I'd be stuck in the Unviersity. I was thinking about going for Physics Engineering (new course) but everyone said "go to Telecommunications, it has Physics and math and stuff"...
It's not that I don't like what I did, because every aspect of Knowledge is to help Humanity but I'm always thinking if I did the right choice.
I like to read a lot. Specially philosophy books. I also study Music because, let's face it, Music is fascinating knowledge.
I have imagined myself as a priest, a husband, a father, a monk, a missionary and even a hermit and the only thing I know for sure is that I wouldn't like to be a hermit =D
Most of the people in my family ask me when am I going to get a girlfriend, or join a seminary and I always feel sad for not being able to follow a clear path.
What will become of me?