I know exactly what you mean! You are not alone! Not many understand the role of victim or the desire to be one. There seems to be little reference to go by either. I believe it springs up from the soul in response to God’s love and/or request. The soul offers itself as victim out of love. A love to offer itself in entirety with nothing held back. An offering of love which acknowledges the cross. The soul wishes to love so entirely as to be consumed within Jesus’s heart and to be made in HIs image and likeness, to share His sufferings, to intercede, to help all souls to be saved, to console God, to make reparation to His wounded heart, to love completely in union with.
St Therese made an offering of victimhood which is easy to search. You can read Sister Josefa Menendez’s book The Way of Divine Love.
Here is an offering prayer: My God and my all,
I realize Thy mysterious operations in my soul, I have heard Thy appeal, and behold, I am ready. I offer myself to Thee to be Thy victim in the full acceptance of the term. I deliver over to Thee my body, my soul, and my heart, and all that I have, so that Thou mayest sacrifice them to Thy good pleasure. I offer Thee my life; take it my God. Love lays down no conditions or reservations, and I make none. My most tender Father, I offer myself to Thee and beseech Thee to accept me. Do not consult either my preferences or my dislikes; if Thy love is content, that will be sufficient. When I think of my own frailty, I am frightened; but when I turn to Thee, my sweet and tender Lord, I feel myself strengthened and irresistibly drawn towards a life of complete self-immolation. I distrust myself, but I trust Thee. Mary , my good and tender mother, have pity upon thy child. She is alarmed… but in spite of her fears, she wants to bring glory and consolation to her God. Offer me, I beseech thee, to the Most Holy and Most Adorable Trinity. I desire to have the purity of thy pure heart so as to be worthier of God, to Whom I make my oblation.
Xavierine de Maistre
There is one website which a woman is working on making a copy of a scarce book available online victimsoulsofthesacredheart.blogspot.com/2007_11_01_archive.html
She or he has made (I believe) a formal offering at her church, there is some info there but you may have to search the blog to find it. There are different levels she says, of victimhood. And this person is very nice and would email you with more info and help.
Here is a website that may be interesting: sodcvs.org/eng/usa/
I think you will find yourself rather lonely in this vocation as many these days do not understand the meaning of it. But wasn’t Christ also misunderstood and lonely? It is an abhorrence in our times to want to suffer, we are so physically pampered these days- people think it must be archaic or insane to specifically choose it.
John Paul has written encyclicals about the value of suffering. In suffering we find Christ- the perfect victim, the perfection of love.
It would be good to find a spiritual advisor and talk with them about it. I also have felt called to offer myself. It just seems to well up from inside and come out. I am not crippled or confined to a bed. I do have aches and pains like everyone else- probably more than some, at times on the brink of overwhelming, but I look back and would change nothing. I just offer all of myself to God to do as He chooses and if He wishes suffering, then I gladly accept. I accept all. I wish to be made in HIs likeness and that would include offering myself up to be a victim for souls as He did. I am not sure if a souls chooses this, I think that more likely the love you have within you- the trinity- moves you so. God moves us all in different ways and if you feel like this call is in you, then I think it must come from God. Of course, that is where spiritual direction comes in to help discern. I cannot see how anyone who entirely gives themselves to God cannot help but offer but I am sure there are differing opinions about that. I believe that there must be different degrees of suffering and we won’t all be called to be totally immolated as people may think of the idea but some will be. It is God’s choosing what He wills. Maybe it is enough to accept and let HIs will be done?
God bless you!